Mary Anne

I'm not really here now :)

2009-12-24T14:27:00.004-06:00

Catch me on my NEW blog site: http://www.scubadiversnowbird.blogspot.com/
(this blog will remain here)

-Mary Anne

December 16, 2009

2009-12-16T14:50:00.002-06:00

Dear Friends,
Even thogh the death certificate says the 17th, Joe really died late one year ago today. The nurse just couldn't get here before midnight. Today has been hard day for me. I went down in his workshop yesterday to get something and was reminded how he spent each year at this time making something out of wood for family and friends and grandchildren. I straightened up a few things in there and sometime when Michael was here over Thanksgiving he vacuumed up all the wood shavings. I didn't notice it until yesterday.

I went to the hardware store today to get light bulbs and a furnace filter and some extension cords and was reminded that these were usually Joe's trips. He loved the hardware stores and knew the cashier at Ace by name. He also knew what aisle everything was in unlike me.

I just finished rereading the blog for the last few days of his life and he was such a brave man right up to the end. Karen and I were talking the other day and we commented that we didn't always appreciate all his qualities while he was alive but we sure miss them now.

Christmas was always his favorite time of year because he loved giving. If you want to hear his favorite Christmas carol sung by Joe and our son Kevin, just scroll down the side of the blog to "O Holy Night". They did this 6 months after he was diagnosed in 2006. I don't think at that time we knew if he would make it another Christmas.

I have been sustained this year through by siblings, long time friends and my small groups from church. I also continue to go to my grief group at Wellness House which is wonderful.

I know one year is not the end and I am so thankful for all the blessings this year has brought me. Being able to care for others who are ill has been very fulfilling. God has shown me he isn't finished with me yet and is allowing me to use my gifts in a different way.

May the peace of Christ be in your hearts as it is in mine during this time.

God bless.
Mary Anne

thanksgiving Weekend November 29th, 2009

2009-11-29T18:23:00.004-06:00

Hi Family and Friends,
Well, the weekend is over and it was a fine one. Mike and Heidi and kids got in Wednesday afternoon and I took the kids bowling and to dinner while Mike and Heidi met their friends for dinner.

By the way, Michael added that picture of me with the medals. that was from several years ago at the Senior Olympics. Michael did get me swimming twice this weekend at the clubhouse but it surely didn't make up for all I ate this weekend.
Thanksgiving was here and we spent a lot of time going through old slides that Joe took from 1964 through 1973. It was great remembering all those times when the kids were young (and so were we). We laughed at all the styles back then in hair and clothes. I taught the grand kids Rummikub and they seemed to enjoy it.

Friday night was the pizza party hosted by Kevin and Tracy for 50 of us in towners of the Murphy clan. Then Saturday we had our annual Mother Daughter luncheon with 22 of us attending. Probably our biggest group but still not all of us. We were missing Karen, Cath, Molly, Katie, Bonnie, Michelle and Meghan, Mary Anne, Lisa and Brianna and anyone else I may have forgotten.

I realized that as my baby brother turned 61 this year that the six Murphy children are all in their sixties for about 11 months. Amazing.

Saturday night we played Texas Hold Em (or however you spell it) with the adults at my house with Kevin being the big winner, Kirk second and Marianne third./ We finished out the weekend by Tracy, Marianne and I going to the New Moon movie.

The kids helped me get some chores done around the house this weekend and even brought my Christmas Tree up. It is prelit so all I have to do is decorate it.

This Thanksgiving I was especially thankful that I had part of my family here with me and that family ties and memories are so strong. We saw lots of old pictures of Joe and laughed a lot. God has blessed us in so many ways. We are almost at a year without Joe but I think about him all the time and think about how he would react to so many things that happen.

Hope you all had a great weekend and I pray that God will bless you in the weeks that come as we head to Christmas.

Take care,
Mary Anne

November 18, 2009

2009-11-18T08:58:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,
Yesterday was 11 months but whose counting. I am more aware of this time of the year from last year when Joe was in his final days. I read the blog from them and realize how precious those last few months were. We were thrilled when Joe was coherent and could talk to us. I remember how every time I stood him up to take him to the bathroom I got a hug from him. And in the morning i would crawl into the hospital bed with him and cuddle. I hope that is not too much information but those are the things I want to remember about this time last year. Overall I am doing well. Grateful for the grief group I am in that meets twice a month.

I finally got back to swimming this morning after a six month hiatus. I just couldn't get myself motivated and the practice times conflicted with my work times but I am committed to make it work.
I think I went to Vegas with my sisters for four days since I blogged and we had a great time eating and shopping and we saw Terry Fator the ventriloquist at the Mirage which was wonderful. Then I went to Phoenix and spent the weekend with Karen and Mark. We had a great time with no agenda, just time together.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Everyone will be in except Karen and Mark who will come for Christmas. I am on Jury duty this week, so no work, but is it boring sitting in the assembly room for 8 hours a day. I read, talk and take naps. I thought I would be able to use my cell phone but no cell phones with cameras are allowed. Can't bring my computer either. Oh well, I'm doing my civic duty. Hope I don't get called at the end of the week and have it go into next week.

I am enjoying leading a bible study this fall and we are studying James which is short but has some great stuff in it. Lots of good verses to memorize.

That's it from my end. Hope you are all well and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Take care and God bless.
Mary Anne

October 18, 2009

2009-10-18T16:37:00.003-05:00

Hi Friends,
I have now added a picture from the Tree Dedication. I will also add a link on the side if you want to see a video of it. Also, I found out that if you sign up as a follower, it will notify you by email when I post something if you are interested. Might make it easier.

Have a great fall day!

Take care and God bless.
Mary Anne

Dedication of Tree

2009-10-13T15:46:00.004-05:00

Hi Friends,
This past Sunday the 11th of October we dedicated a tree that was planted behind our house on the golf course. It is traditional that when one of the guys from the Legends Golf League dies, they take up a collection to plant a tree on the golf course in memory of that person.
We had a celebration on Sunday with about 40 people. Earl Ferguson, our pastor led the dedication and finished with the poem by Joyce Kilmer about Trees. It was a clear bright sunny day although a little cool. Three of our four kids were able to make it. Mark and Karen were in town so Mark could run the Chicago Marathon that day (which he did and qualified for the Boston) so we had most of the family here. As it turns out, Michael came into town last night and I will have dinner with him tonight with my sisters. It was a nice closure and the tree is a sunset autumn blaze maple. I took a few pictures and will have my kids help me put them on the blog.

Lucky is also dong fabulous. He now has a shock collar and after only a week, he knows he is not supposed to bark at the front window and I don't even have to zap him each time. It has made life a lot quieter around here. Now I can take him on walks without worrying he will attack someone or me. He is good with golf carts now too.

Next week is our sister getaway to Las Vegas for four days. Then I will spend the weekend in Phoenix with Karen and Mark before coming home. We only saw them for a few hours Sunday and that wasn't enough.

For those of you who know Ed, our neighbor, he is doing much better. They haven't totally ruled out cancer but they haven't found it yet either.

I am doing well and still going to grief group. I read a wonderful book for widows called "Widow to Widow" and it really helped. I may have written that last month but it still has an impact on me.
Hope all of you in the Midwest are enjoying the fall colors. I just love driving around seeing the different hues and marveling how God can put so many colors together and nothing ever clashes.

God is good - all the time.

Take care and God bless.
Mary Anne

September 17, 2009

2009-09-17T07:15:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Today is 9 monthssince Joe died. Doesn't seem possible. I went to a remembrance event at Wellness house this past weekend and 8 of our grief group were there as well as others. It was a nice time Sunday afternoon. Some tears were shed but it was good.

Friday I went on a bike ride with Tracy, our daughter in law along the Fox River from Geneva to St. Charles and then back to Batavia. we had lunch outside at Mill Race Inn and the weather was beautiful. Many years ago, Joe and Karen did this same ride. No Joe was never a biker but he just wanted to do this and it brought back great memories.

I am now in Ohio sitting with Michael and Heidi's kids. Today was my first day getting them off to school on my own. Heidi left for Switzerland yesterday to join Mike. We did fine although I ma not used to getting up at 6 which is 5 Chicago time. I went to bed with the kids last night. Their cat Moo didn't come in before we went to bed so at 2 A.M. I got up and he was at the door. Guess he will learn i go to bed earlier than the P's. I have a lot of driving to do after school but I love my Garman and can find my way around with that.

Lucky my Maltese is with Cassie and wouldn't you know, he got sick right after I left. Cas took him to the vet and they think he has gastroenteritis so they gave him a bolus of fluid and antibiotic. He wouldn't eat or drink anything so now Cas has to feed him rice and chicken for a week.

Our good friend Ed (of Ed and Jayne) is in the hospital with pancreatitis and is really sick. Please pray for him. It is hard being away at this time. They were so supportive of me when Joe was sick.

I hope to spend the daytime getting some exercise with walking and bike riding. I sure need it.
it is nice to have someone to cook for for the next two weeks. We will see what I can come up with that the kids will like.

That's about it for now. I am slowly adjusting to single life and am so thankful for my family,church and my friends during this time. I am doing a lot of reading. Currently I am reading "A Proper Pursuit" by Lyn Austin. She came and spoke at our women's breakfast and she is a Christian author. This book is based in Chicago so that is neat.

Enough rambling. have a great day. Take care and God Bless.

Mary Anne

August 30, 2009

2009-08-30T19:26:00.004-05:00

Hi friends,

Yesterday would have been our 45th wedding anniversary. Joe and I went together for 4 years before we got married so we really had 48 years together. It was a little hard but I got calls from all the kids and my siblings acknowledging the day so that was helpful. I was gone all day til 8 at night. I had a client for my job in the morning and then Cas and I went to see Postgrad and then to dinner. I also got to see her new kitten, Tristan, who is very loveable and I don't seem to be allergic so that is good. We had a good time just doing some errands before the show and sitting having a coffee in Starbucks. I couldn't drink coffee for about 8-9 years because it bothered my stomach but I started trying it last winter and it seems Ok. I like being able to drink it again and particularly enjoyed iced coffee this summer.

I am still going to grief group at Wellness house and have committed to another four months. It is the same group of people so we are forming a bond and getting to know each other. Last week I shared a picture of Joe and a little more about him and it was very nice. I reread the last year of the blog and came across the poem I wrote near the end of Joe's journey. It still has good meaning even now and I am going to reprint it here. It is from Saturday November 5th, 2008.

Set Your Eyes on Him

In the middle of the night when your mind turns to fright,
Set your eyes on Him.
In the middle of the night, when there's no one else in sight,
Set your eyes on Him.
For when He is in your midst, and you feel the love within,
Then the fear that Satan brings has vanished in thin air.
I know He is around me, I can feel his presence near.
And now that I have named it, I can sleep without the fear.
Oh Jesus, how I love you, and need you by my side.
Through the troubled days ahead, in your words I will abide.
For I know You love me also, and will not abandon me.
And when the trial is over, many blessings I will see.
So stay with me my Saviour, my comfort and my guide.
Until my darling Joseph, is standing at your side.

All I have to change is one word in the last sentence and it works for me now. Instead of "Until I just say "since' my darling Joseph is standing at your side.
I feel God has guided me to a ministry that lets me use my gift of mercy and also provides a small income for me. I love helping other people and it gives me purpose in my life and a feeling of satisfaction as I spend time with my clients and hear their stories.

I have posted a picture of me with my friends (L to R) Pat, Jayne and Joanne as we played in the Rally for the Cure Golf Outing here at Carillon in August. It was a beautiful day and we had lots of fun. It was a scramble so no pressure. (Click on Picture to enlarge...I mean really large).

We have had so much rain I haven't had a good chance to use my new bike much but hopefully as fall approaches I will get out more.

As Michael said, i will be spending the last two weeks of September sitting with his children while they tour some of Europe. Heidi , his wife, is heading for her two year anniversary of carcinoid cancer so that's a good reason for a trip. She is doing well and as I may have said, she did a 84 mile bike ride in Boston in August to raise funds for this kind of cancer.

That's about it for me here. My life has become very busy with working part time. Our two small groups will be starting back up this next month and it will be good to get together with these folks again.

Take care and God Bless. By the way, my email has changed to maryanne80@att.net. I have updated teh link located down the side of these posts.

Mary Anne

New bike

2009-08-26T11:42:00.003-05:00

Well, Mom got herself a new bike and is ready to ride. She used to be on a racing tri bike with shoes and speedplay clip in pedals, but now practicality has overtaken the need for speed. Since she is not racing anymore, this new comfort bike will be the perfect solution. My bet is she still beats all her fellow riders. Looking forward to Mom coming to Ohio to watch the kids and pets and run the household while Heidi and I get a vacation which will turn out to be longer than our honeymoon was 17 years ago. Looking forward to Provence and Tuscany. Thanks Mom.

Michael

July 29,2009

2009-07-29T17:06:00.003-05:00

whoops, I made a mistake. Monday was Karen and Mark's 7 month anniversary. Joe died ten days before that on the 17th of December. Two of my kids caught my mistake. I knew that a week ago. I just got mixed up. Chauk one up for your mind not functioning exactly right. I am in Ohio now for the long weekend. Just took a great nap and now will teach the kids how to play hand and foot. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

July 28,2009

2009-07-28T22:21:00.002-05:00

Hi friends,
Yesterday was seven months since Joe died. I haven't written much lately but I am doing well. I continue to go to the grief group at Wellness House which is very helpful.

I also now have a job with Comfort Keepers and it is keeping me busy but I enjoy it a lot. I have a regular client four mornings a week which gets me up and out of the house.

I just finished a wonderful weekend with most of our kids in town for a few days. Karen came for 5 days and her friends Kelli joined us for the weekend. Michael and his three kids came while Heidi was away with girlfriends. Cassie was here with just Matthew as Kirk and Andrew had gone on a fishing trip. Kev and Tracy were away at church camp but Tracy played golf with us on Thursday before she left. Karen and I played several times and it was great weather. We had some good girl time and some good family time.

Tomorrow I leave to sit for Mike and Heidi again for 5 days while Heidi and her Dad ride in the Pan Mass Challenge in Boston. This is to raise money for Carcinoid Cancer with the Dana Farber Institute. Heidi has this cancer diagnosed a year and a half ago. This year they will ride 80 miles (last year was 50 and Heidi's brother did it with her as well as Michael) This year Michael will be the sherpa.

I have had great success with the gardens in back but terrible problems with algae in the pond. The frogs don't seem to mind but I can't seem to get ahead of it.

I am slowly adjusting to being the only human in the house but I love having the company of Lucky, my faithful dog. Even though he still tries to bully the golf carts, his other behavior is good. I have found scrabble on facebook and enjoy playing with several different people, all of whom are beating me but it is good challenge for my mind.

Thanks for being there and know that I think of you friends often even tho I don't talk as often as I should or want to. Life just gets busy. Any of you who knew Joe and I, know we always had full schedules and that part hasn't changed much. I still miss Joe a lot and think so often of sayings that he used. The other day when I was on the golf course, I thought "now why didn't I let Joe tell me what I was doing wrong ( in golf) while he was here." Yesterday the garbage disposal stopped working. I got out the wrench and turned it and no problem but it wouldn't turn on. When I was telling a friend about it I suddenly thought, "Oh I shouold check the reset button". That was what it was. I am so glad I didn't call a repair man for that!

Enough ramblings. I leave tomorrow morning and have to finish packing.

Take care and God bless all of you.

Mary Anne

Perennials for Dad

2009-06-10T21:51:00.003-05:00

Our neighbors here in Hudson, Ohio presented us with a lovely gift certificate to a local garden center upon my dad's death. It was so thoughtful and it inspired us to put in a memorial garden in our front yard with a nice bench and a fringe tree, dwarf magnolia and many perennials all around. Those were things dad really liked. The bed is below a large black walnut tree which Dad always commented about when he visited. He said we should be careful because the wood is so prized that when you are vacation someone could come and cut it down for the value of the lumber. It came out very nice.

May 31, 2009

2009-06-01T19:19:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Life goes on and I received two emails from people I didn't know who read this blog that wanted to talk about some things so I guess this is worthwhile.

I have been sitting with this elderly lady three times and it feels really good. It is nice to be doing for someone else and to have someone to eat with and prepare meals for. Do you find that sometimes you just can't find the right words so you don't end the sentence in a preposition? Hope no one is reading this for the literary content.

I have hired our grandson Matthew who is 16 to mulch and weed the perennial gardens and around the house. He has been here twice and it really looks nice. The fish pond is finally getting clearer and I am about ready to buy some cheap goldfish. Right now it is a frog pond but the grandkids love that. They smelled so bad when they came in for dinner on Memorial day we had to have them change clothes to eat. Of course I dont' have anything that fits a 9 and 11 year old so they wore some of my old workout shorts and shirts. Andrew came to the table without changing his shirt and when I asked him why, he said " there were sparkels on the shirt. I picked it because it said Nike but didn't see the "sparkles" How funny.

Now that i am single, Michael, our son in Ohio,is going to put my free time to good use. I will be going there the end of June for a week to sit while they have a little getaway and then again the beginning of August while Heidi does the Pan Mass challenge. That is a bike ride put on to raise funds for the Dana Farber institute for Cancer and Heidi's group will ride for Carcinoid Cancer which she has. She will do 80 miles this year. Last year she did 50 - good for her. Her Dad will be riding with her this year and he is 77. Really good for him!!

I'll bet you are wondering how Lucky is doing with his training. Well, when someone else comes over he knows they are dominant and he does really well, but he is still having trouble accepting me as his leader when the golf carts go by. We have switched collars but the improvement is slow. It is like watching a two years old push the boundaries. But I still love him and he is great company.

That's about it from here. Grief groups are going well. Ons stops for the sumer but the other one will go through the summer. It is great to have people to share with who are experiencing the same thing at about the same timeline.

Take care and God Bless.
Mary Anne

May 13, 2009

2009-05-13T22:16:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Since I last wrote I have started both of my golf leagues but got rained out today.

I have spent some time in the garden lately. Cassie shopped with me and bought and planted flowers with me but then I continued for several days after she left. I now appreciate why Joe loved the gardens so much and always liked to look at the flowers after he planted them. I look out every morning to see how they are doing. I particularly like the rose bush Cas and I picked out and it has a wonderful scent. I am feeling much more emotion as spring hits that I think I was either holding back of stuffing with food.

I went to my first grief support group at Wellness House tonight and it was so good to be with people who have gone through the same thing and all with spouses that lost their lives to cancer. I felt free to cry and sympathize with others and felt like I belonged. I even met a friend who was in another support group there with me which was special.

I will start sitting with the elderly lady this Friday. Please pray that Lucky will behave and not bark too much because I will be staying overnight and he has to come with me. I have the trainer coming again tomorrow so I hope she has some good tips for me. My two small groups really see an improvement in his behavior when they are here as he greets them etc. but let a dog walk by the house or a golf cart pass by and he goes berserk. I still love him but I want him to know he doesn't have to protect me from either of these things.

I am still coaching my swim club here at Carillon three times a week and have a few new ladies and some snow birds that have come back so the pool is full. I love helping people learn how to build endurance and enjoy swimming as I do. I will be started a 5 week course of the Bible 101 series doing the New Testament. I love learning more about the word and it keeps me going to it often if not every day. Life is still good and my friends and family are so faithful, I couldn't be more blessed.

Take care and God bless you also.
Mary Anne
\

May 6, 2009

2009-05-06T15:49:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
I have just come back from playing 9 holes of gold with the couples league that Joe and I used to belong to. Now I am playing with Doris, another recent widow who used to play with her husband. It was different being out there without Joe but that first is over now. I am still waiting to get our golf cart fixed. It only goes backwards so that doesn't work very well.

I had Sunday dinner for Cas, Kirk and the kids on Sunday. After dinner they were all out fishing and everyone caught one except Andrew who truly loves to fish. We haven't had a Sunday dinner in a very long time and it was nice. I had Marianne and Cas for dinner on Saturday as they were headed to a concert in Joliet so it was on the way.

By the way if you want to email me my email address has changed. It is now maryanne80@att.net. Joe's is no longer active.

I did attend the grief group here at Carillon last Friday and it was good to be there. There are so many changes just in my vocabulary to get used to.

It is now planting time or almost and the man that used to help us with it from the golf course is no longer going to be doing it so I have asked our grandson Matthew to help me with it. I was never into the flowers but Joe loved them. I loved looking at them but not all the work. I bought some of the flowers this week and there are a lot of perrenials in there now but I have to be careful not to pull them thinking they are weeds. And then there is the pond. Currently it has no fish but I have to get it cleaned up before I can add goldfish. We don't dare add coy because the blue heron love to fish there.

Our family has stayed well this spring and Marianne our oldest granddaughter is finishing her first year of college this week at NIU. She will be working in Colorado at a dude ranch that her other grandparents work at so she will be gone all summer.

The in-town Coburns will be gong to Feed My Starving Children this month to pack food for the poor in Haiti and other countries. We have been going quarterly with our small groups from church and it is a wonderful experience. If you want to know more about it the website is www.feedmystarvingchildren.org . The facility is located in Aurora.

Anyway that is what is going on in my life. I am still coaching swimmers here at Carillon three mornings a week and we have a few newcomers which is always fun. I swim myself about three times a week with my Masters team.

As far as Lucky is concerned he is going to have another visit from the dog whisperer type person next week to work on the barking at the golf carts which are very numerous this time of year. The weather has been beautiful the last few days and you just want to be out in it.

Enjoy spring and enjoy each other. Take care and God Bless.
Mary Anne

April 26, 2009

2009-04-26T06:07:00.000-05:00

It has been a busy few weeks with Easter and then my State Masters Swim Meet this past weekend. - Oh well it is already Saturday of the next weekend but you know what I mean. Anyway, after only three weeks of training for me, our team managed to come in first only 11 points ahead of Evanston so we were surprised and happy. I did well in my age group getting 8 firsts and one second - however my times were way off last year. I'm counting this as my off year.

The kids are keeping me so busy I have a hard time getting my naps in. I was able to see Andrew in his dress rehearsal for the talent show and I will spend Tuesday evenings with Kev, Tracy and her family. Our Thursday night small group has started up again and it is good to share with them again after so long away.

Lucky is doing well on part of his dog training - the sleeping in his own bed and the feeding schedule but he is terrible at barking at the people with dogs passing by and the golf carts. He really needs good walks to tire him out.

In my spare time I am playing scrabble on face book with a few different people and it is really fun. I am losing all the games I am playing but it keeps my mind active and I come up with a good word now and then.

Emotionally, I am doing OK but feeling the loneliness of not having Joe around more and more. We used to love to sit on the deck together in the afternoon and just talk and now that the weather is nicer I will miss having him there even more. I hope to start with a grief group at Wellness House in May. I went there while Joe was alive in support groups for people with metastatic disease and it was really good.

Until I write again, Take care and God bless.

Mary Anne

Easter Weekend

2009-04-17T09:01:00.003-05:00

Well howdy! Michael posting here just to say that we had a very nice weekend with everyone in town at "Mom's" house. It definitely takes some getting used to the changes because of Dad being gone. For starters, even though this was not the first trip back since Dad died, the wedding was, it was the first one without a distraction and with 4 months having passed. It hit us hard the void of Dad not being there. You couldn't just imagine that he was in the other room watching the Masters Golf tournament which is where he might have been. He was missing and missed. Mom is doing great and I think we all are moving on with our lives and this new stage. We did take time to spread his ashes and say something about Dad we missed or appreciated. It was great to be together, and I hope and think it makes us appreciate our family even more.

April 9, 2009

2009-04-09T21:41:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well I made the switch. For those of you that are on my email contact list you will get an email telling you but my new email is maryanne80@att.net. This will save me quite a bit of money each month from my previous user so be sure and change it in your contact list. I will still get emails from comcast for 30 days but then it is kaput.

My first night as pack leader was tough. Lucky whined and barked for about two hours on and off wanting to be on the bed with me but I will endure. Just waiting for the first of the out of towners to arrive in about 45 minutes. That would be Michael and Heidi and kids. Karen and Mark get here tomorrow.

Have a lovely Easter. We had a presentation at the clubhouse tonight put on by our church members called. "Is it I Lord" having each of the 12 Apostles give a narrative of how they met Jesus and the impact he had on their lives. It finished with a depiction of them at the Last Supper like the picture and they held that pose for one full minute. It was very moving. It was a great start to this special Holy weekend.

I wish you all a blessed time with family and friends. Take care. Mary Anne

April 8, 2009

2009-04-08T17:07:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Obviously I am back home and it is harder being here than in Bonaire but I am quite busy with taxes UGH!, swimming to get ready for the state meet and physical therapy for my shoulder. It is an old injury but I am trying to rehabilitate it to avoid surgery.

Speaking of rehabilitation - are you familiar with Caesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer? Well we actually have a guy right here in Naperville that does the same thing. Hearing about him I thought I would try it because Lucky has gotten so aggressive with other dogs when we go on walks and the golf carts going by has always been a problem.

Well, as I suspected, I have let him become the leader of the pack (not just since Joe died either). So I have strict things I am to do with him to let him know I am the leader. When this man took the leash, Lucky knew who was boss and although he tried his insane barking, he did not get away with it and after just a couple times, we were able to walk by Jayne's Carrie blue terrier without Lucky going nuts. He is no longer allowed to sleep on the bed, he has to eat after I do and I have to pick the food up after 15 minutes. He gets no petting unless he does something for it like sit or lay down. He has to walk at a heel all the time because otherwise he thinks he is the leader and is hunting for me. Oh my, so many things to change. But Sandy was very positive in that he thought Lucky could turn around very quickly. That is if I do. So that is my focus. Of course i have all the kids coming in for Easter tomorrow so that will be interesting to say the least. Michael is bringing his Bichon, Jewel, and at least they get along.

The golf cart issue is going to be more difficult but if i can take command, that should fall into place after the other things.

I love being back in my home church. I sang with the worship team last Sunday and that was great. I'm back in my bible study and our evening small group will start back up after Easter so the calendar is filling up. Evenings at home are quiet but my friends try to keep me busy.

I am switching my Internet service tomorrow so I may have to have a new email address. Be on the watch for the change.
I am trying to decide whether to close this blog now. I will talk it over with the kids but I am doing well and I do have a facebook page if anyone wants to know what I am doing. I may switch to that. I want to print out this blog so I can have it to read but the main purpose was to keep you all informed about Joe and we know he is doing fine. So am I. I couldn't have done it without the Lord and all your prayers but I have a lot of peace. Thanks for being our friends. I hope I can support you in the way you supported me.
Take care and God bless.
Mary Anne

Happy St. Pat's March 17, 2009

2009-03-17T16:00:00.003-05:00

Hi friends,
Well I am back from Florida and had a great time visiting with my sister and their husbands. My sister Ron's son Johnny was with us also and it was great to spend some adult time with him also. We played games, did a little shopping, a lot of sitting by the pool, reading and napping. I grew up in a family where my Mom napped every day so I started doing that while I was in college. I managed to keep it up even while working full time by taking my nap around 8 at night watching TV with Joe. I would often miss the last 15 minutes of a show but now with recorders, it isn't important.
I came back from Florida with what I thought was a cold but it cleared so quickly when I got back here I think it was an allergic reaction to the pollen of the trees. I snorkeled the first two days but now I know I can clear my ears so I am going diving tomorrow. We only have a few days left to dive as we leave a week from tomorrow and we have to wash and dry all the gear so we can pack it away. Lucky did great staying with Ed and Jayne while I was gone and it appears (as I suspected) that it is the owner who needs training, not the dog. I will look into that when I get home. He is great except he barks when anyone comes in because he wants to be picked up. When Joe was sick I just did it to keep him quiet and now he expects it.
Today is three months since Joe died. I found out yesterday that Karen and Mark are going to be able to come in for Easter so the whole family will be together again for the first time since the funeral and wedding.

I have tried swimming the last two days and my left shoulder is still giving me problems. I can have one more shot and then have to look at other options. I am disappointed because I love swimming. I will still enter the state meet in April but don't expect to do well, just help the team get some points.

Ed and Jayne are coming for dinner and then we are off to Bible study at the pastor's house.
I have had a good time on Bonaire with no schedule except to dive and see friends and it has been a good hiatus for me. I am adjusting to being without Joe but I know it will take a long time. I so love the emails from all you friends. It keeps me in touch and let's me know what is going on in your lives. I hope to see many of you in IL. very soon and I thank you for warming up the weather there for us.
Love to you all and God bless. Mary Anne

March 5, 2009

2009-03-05T18:48:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well life goes on and this Saturday I leave for Florida to spend a week with my sisters. I am looking forward to that.

I have been doing aboout 6 dives a week, doing a lot of reading and visiting with friends. We had a dive this week where we saw our first green moray of the year and several other species that were unusual. Life is quiet on Bonaire and I like it that way after the year we had.

I have been back to the animal shelter twice and it is fun to watch the puppies grow each week. Several have been adopted already and you can really see the personalities developing already.

That's about it for me. Hope you are all looking forward to spring. Although the economy looks really dismal right now, worrying about it won't help so I try to just live one day at a time and be intentional about my spending.

Take care and God bless.
Mary Anne

What the pictures are about

2009-02-20T19:17:00.002-06:00

February 20, 2009
Hi Friends.
My daughter Cassie put these pictures up for me so here is what they are about. Last Sunday T.C. gave me a ride on her motorcycle and we drove to Rincon, a small town that used to be the capital. The children's parade for the Carnival was there . We left before the parade started but had a drink with friends and then rode home. She went nice and slow so I wasn't afraid. That is only the second time I have been on a motorcycle. It's not really my thing but I wasn't afraid and it is a whole different feeling than riding in the car.

Then this week on Thursday T.C. and I went to volunteer at the Animal shelter. They had 10 puppies there as well as about 30-40 other dogs. They need people to play with them and socialize them so they will be more adoptable. I will go again next week and Ed and Jayne are coming with me. The good thing is that no matter how attached we get, we can't bring one home like we could in the states so it is safe.
Our friends from Germany, Roland and Renata, leave for home on Tuesday but other friends from Holland come in the beginning of March.
Today on our dive we saw a goliath fish which is a very large grouper. That was exciting and unusual on Bonaire. We haven't seen on of these for about 5 years.
That is about it for me. I keep in touch with the kids with skype which works really well and only costs me .02 cents a minute.
Bye for now. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

February 14th, 2009

2009-02-14T09:45:00.006-06:00

Hi Friends,
Happy Valentines Day! I am enjoying the warm weather down here. I have been diving about 15 times and no matter how many dives you have had, you always see somthing new. Not on every dive but occasionally. This week we saw a group of scrawled file fish (about 18) together with a school of blue tangs feasting on an algae garden. You normally see one of two of them together but not a group. There was also a large blue parrot with them and they weren't paying any attention to us. We just hung there and watched for a few minutes.
I have spent most evening with friends. Our friend from Germany, Roland, celebrated his 70th birthday this week and 22 of us went to dinner. That was great fun. I have taught my friend, T.C. hand and foot and Mexican train Dominoes so we can play with Ed and Jayne and Bob and Diane. She is leaving the island for good on the 21st. She is American but has lived here for about 18 years.
Lucky and I walk each morning and evening and he is doing well chasing the lizards but not barking at them. He has adjusted to our routine down here which almost always includes an afternoon nap. The weather is always 80 with warm breezes blowing. We get occasional rain but it doesn't last long.
I belong to a small group down here that Joe started about three years ago and there are now about 12 people in it. It meets on Tuesday nights in the Pastor's backyard. It is a different group of people than I dive with and it is nice to touch base on a spiritual level with people from the island. We also have church on Sunday in English at the International Bible Church of Bonaire. Small church but really nice people.
I have really enjoyed having the internet and skype in my condo this year. I can keep up with family and friends so much easier, I don't feel so distant.
That's about it for now. Have a great day. Tell someone you love them today and God bless you.
Mary Anne

February 5, 2009

2009-02-05T08:46:00.001-06:00

Hi Friends,

I made it to Bonaire with no complications. Lucky was a wonderful traveler and I had one lady who wanted to take him home with her in San Juan. We were met by Ed and Jayne and staff from Buddy who helped transport the luggage. Lucky was right at home from the beginning.

I will do my check out dive this afternoon (to make sure I have the right weights etc) and Ed and Jayne will go along. They are on their 9th dive and loving it. I have about 10 diving friends down here right now so no lack of people to dive with. When we leave we put our personal stuff in an owners closet and I am still unpacking that but the condo looks like home now. Even tho it is smaller than home, it still feels big without Joe. As I said to the kids, I miss his dynamic presence when he walked into a room. I have some of his barbershop songs on my MP3 player and I love hearing his voice. I am trying to take each day as it comes and not worry about the future. I know God knows His plans and that's enough for me. Take care and God bless.

Mary Anne

January 30, 2009

2009-01-30T11:02:00.004-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well, I made the leap and changed the name of the blog. You will still be able to view the past posts and get to the site the same way but I felt I needed to take this next step. My trip to Phoenix for the AZ. reception for Karen and Mark was wonderful. Although it wasn't warm to them at 65, it felt good to me coming from Chicago. Now I am in the process of trying to gather tax info, which was always Joe's job, and do all the errands necessary to get ready to go to Bonaire again next Tuesday. Lucky will come with me this time and he is spending some time in his traveling bag to get ready. He loves it when he see it come out. We took video of scattering Joe's ashes and it is linked.

I am doing well. I went to a couple grief sessions at Wellness house this past month and will check out other options when I return from Bonaire. But the one thing the facilitator said will stick with me. Where I am is OK and try to live in the moment and not worry about next week or next month. Our daughter Cassie said the same thing. Everywhere I go I run into people who knew Joe. Today I was at the hardware store, one of Joe's favorite places and the checkout girl said, "You are Joe's wife, he was such a great guy". It reminded me that Joe always stopped to talk to the sales people and made them feel special. I miss him a lot but my life is still really busy sorting through things and getting paperwork in order. We had lots of friends who have been very supportive to me and I know we will remain friends.

I will write from Bonaire but probably not as often. Unless of course you want to hear about all the fish I will see diving - boring for those who don't' dive but that is the focus of the day usually. Lucky and I will go for long walks on the beach road and we will both get needed exercise. He gained a half pound (up to 7.5) and I'm not telling how much I gained in the last three months. I am definitely a stress eater.

Enough meanderings - love to all of you and God Bless you in this winter season. Mary Anne

January 20,2009

2009-01-20T21:58:00.002-06:00

Hi my dear friends,
It has been along time since I have written on the blog. My kids have been helping out in between and I love the pictures Michael added from the scattering of the ashes. I came home from Bonaire with a chest infection that is clearing up now. In a day or so I will be going to Arizona for Karen and Mark's Arizona wedding reception. I think the reality of the fact that Joe is not coming back is beginning to sink in. It has been a month now, a span of time widows and kids can count each day because it is never forgotten. I miss Joe terribly. I miss being able to tell him the little things that aren't important enough to call someone about but just thoughts to pass along to someone you live with. I missed telling him the things I saw on the dives in Bonaire. I miss rolling over in bed and finding it empty.

I went to my first grief support group at Wellness House today and met someone who attended something that Joe and I attended together in August. It was a good place to start to sort things out.

I will shortly close this website or rename it as it is no longer about Joe and his cancer . It will still be available to read but just won't be as active. Thank you all for being on this journey with us. Your cards and notes have been wonderful and Joe would be happy to know he touched so many lives. Some of you gave cash contributions to the family and I took these to our church in Bonaire who are trying to build a church. Joe was active in helping them while we were down there and actually started a small group down there which is still going strong. The other donations went to Joliet Hospice and our church, Community Christian Church which meets at Carillon where we live.

As I watched our new President get sworn in today, I thought of all the changes that have taken place in our lifetimes. I know all of you, my friends, will have to go through this in some way and I hope to be there to support you as you have supported me. Thanks you and God bless you. Mary Anne

2009-01-12T06:38:00.004-06:00

I have been reading e-mails and having phone calls with my Mom and sister Cassie from Bonaire over the past week and it sounds like a great trip. These moments captured here show when friends, Augusto, Wendy and T.C. took Cassie, Kirk and Mom out on a boat to spread Dad's ashes in front of my parents winter home at Buddy Dive in Bonaire. They also spread some at a few of my Dad's favorite dive sites. It doesn't get much better for a final resting place I guess. Dad would have preferred a cloudless blue sky but I am sure the temperature was nice. Reality is I bet he would not have wanted them fussing about him but I know he appreciates the gesture. He was very comfortable talking about these types of things before and after he knew he had cancer. They all took a turn spreading the ashes and then they saved some for a little ceremony back in Plainfield. I guess they are running into some people who had not heard, but for the most part people have kept up through the blog. When I got the e-mail from Mom with these pictures in it, I teared up for the first time in a couple weeks. It felt good. Makes it real that I miss Dad. I also missed him on New Years Eve when I called and woke my mother at 10:30 p.m. central time to wish them Happy New Year and realized I could not ask to talk to Dad. I wished him separately.

Bonaire Bound

2009-01-08T08:30:00.003-06:00

I have talked with Cassie and Mom and they arrived safely to Bonaire by Tues/Wed of this week. But not without incident. Kirk got his video camera stolen by the baggage handlers. How frustrating. Hopefully there will be compensation from American Eagle for this issue. Note to travelers, do not separate your self from your camera or video camera or I-Pod during travel at all costs. This was a situation where they had to put their hand luggage into the baggage area since it was a small commuter plane. Dad's ashes traveled along with mom and will reach their final resting place at the bottom of the ocean along Bonaire's incredible coral reefs and diverse aquatic sealife that Dad so enjoyed. His photos will be with us forever. So far it sounds like it is not been so emotional being back in Bonaire without Dad, but those moments surely will come. I watched the Patrick Swayze interview last night and I guess I am so out of touch and certainly don't read the gossip celebrity magazines (rags) that I did not know he had Pancreatic Cancer. While he did not look great, I was so impressed by his relationship with his wife of 33 years and his committment to living life as best he can. His movie "Ghost" seems so appropo and the clips they showed were moving. I wanted to share this blog with he and his wife so that they both can see that what they are inevitabley going to face at some point can be a beautiful and celebratory process and not some terrible death march. I do sense that they are both making the most of their situation.

Happy New Year to all.

January 2, 2009

2009-01-02T21:13:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well Christmas is over, the kids came over and helped me take down the tree and decorations and the house is back in somewhat order. I am going to Bonaire on Tuesday with our oldest daughter Cassdie and her husband Kirk for a week. The first time there will be the hardest but we know there are already dive friends there and lots of island people that are our friends. I have been busy with paperwork sending people death notices etc. and family is calling all the time to see how I am. I don't think it has sunk in yet that Joe is gone forever but the house sure seems empty with just Lucky and me. Trying to adjust to the word widow is even hard. Joe and I loved to play hand and foot and tonight I played with Cas and Kirk and their son and that was fun.

I decided not to write a Christmas letter this year. Everyone who has been reading the blog knows what has been going on in our life so it would be redundant but we had a great year and had many blessings along the way. Although I still catch myself wanting to tell Joe things or ask him where something is, we didn't leave any important things unsaid. Well... unless you call turning the furnace off tonight thinking I was turning off the humidifier!!!. Cas was all wrapped up in the afghan and said "what is the temp in here anyway?" When I checked, it was 69. Just little things like that. Good for a laugh for sure. Love to you all and take care and God bless. Happy New Year. Mary Anne

Wedding Day!

2008-12-28T11:06:00.001-06:00

Skreeeeeeech!!

2008-12-28T10:23:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a happy happy day. My sister, Karen, walked down aisle (the length of my parents' home) with my brother, Michael, humbly standing in for my father, to marry Mark Ashbrook. She was absolutely the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Mark was dashing as well and they wrote beautiful vows to each other. I felt like it made my wedding look like we just said "wanna?" "sure!". My mother was so happy and got choked up a few times. I'm not sure about her, but I was thinking how proud and happy my dad was watching it all and it was a shame not to see his face, but we all knew what it looked like. He waited so long for this day and it was just lovely. My daughter, Marianne, remarked in the car on the way to the reception, "No WAY does she look 40. She looked about 23. She looked beautiful!" Karen might be quick to point out that she is NOT 40 (yet).

At the reception, Mark, Kevin, Kirk, Michael and Matthew got up and sang "Happy Together" to Karen. They did a gorgeous acapella/barbershop harmony style and it blew my sister away. They had worked on it separately over the last month and instead of a bachelor party, they rehearsed it. Our very experienced DJ said he'd never seen anything like it. Ingenius idea, Mark!!

Here are a few of my pictures that captured a small part of the day.
I have to say, after the very eventful past few months, it feels like I can hear the brakes starting to squeel on this rollercoaster ride. Hopefully the dips will not be so low, but unfortunately, the heights of yesterday don't come around every day either.
Thanks for all your prayers and support through those dips and enjoying the high points with all of us.
Cassie

December 22, 2008

2008-12-22T07:51:00.003-06:00

To all our Dear Friends,
It is impossible to express in words the caring and support you have all given me and the family during this difficult time. I have never felt so wrapped in love and prayer as I have this past week.

The service Saturday was such a testimony to how Joe loved and it just filled me with gratitude that we had him for so long. Our house is filled with flowers and food(lots of food) and it is just a constant reminder that I am not alone.

I made my first call for help yesterday at the grocery store to Carnevales' to ask what kind of spumante Joe got at Christmas. He had a much better memory than me. So many times each day I want to ask him things, or tell him things. That is the hardest part right now.

Michael's family went back home for a few days to celebrate Christmas and repack to come back for the wedding. They will be here for Christmas dinner. We will celebrate our usual Christmas on the 23rd with Joe's favorite dish - Beef Wellington. Hope we can get it right without him. Christmas Eve I will go to Cassie and Kirk's after our Christmas Eve service and spend Christmas morning with them. Kev and Tracy will do their Christmas at home and Mark and Karen will go to Mark's Mom's and then we will all get back here for Christmas dinner. Then for most of you, you can take a deep breath but for us we have the rehearsal dinner on the 26th and the wedding on the 27th. And we will celebrate that Joe can watch from heaven with his friends and family that are there and as Karen said at the service " stand next to our Heavenly Father and admire their beautiful daughter".

Again, I thank all of you for your gifts of love, prayer, food support and contributions to our church and hospice. I will pray that God will bless each of you in a special way this Christmas for sharing His love with us in a very tangible way. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Hebrews 6:10 "God is not unjust; he will not forget your work or the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."

Shoutin Time in Heaven

2008-12-21T08:10:00.003-06:00

It is Michael now back in Ohio after two very full days in Plainfield. We had a beautiful ceremony celebrating my Dad's life and the impact he had on others. Thanks to all who reached out to us to let us know how he impacted your life. When you spend 41 years around someone you tend to take their gifts for granted. You know all their jokes etc. All of you helped bring those gifts back to life. Even though you were telling us things we already knew, it is so much sweeter coming from you. Many of you also shared directly to me how much the blog meant as well. It can be a risk to put it all out there but I know that the reward is in the sharing of feelings we all have.

The standing room only service had the right amount of respect, humor and celebration that dad would have wanted. My brother Kevin really gave us a gift when in addition to his beautiful guitar and singing on "All the Way My Saviour Leads Me" he threw in some measures from Dad's most requested "Freight Train" played fingerstyle on Kevin's guitar. One other moment from the service was when "Shoutin Time in Heaven" was played by the Hoppers (recording obviously). This was a long standing request from my dad that he had made before he was given his cancer diagnosis. I could hear the room collectively start to sob on this particular number.

Now this blog which all of us have come to know as a place to commune electronically, will grow quieter...but not silent. There is more to tell.

Coburn, Joseph A.

2008-12-18T19:47:00.006-06:00

reprinted from the Chicago Tribune, Thursday December 18th, 2008

Joseph "Joe" A. Coburn, age 68, Wednesday Dec. 17, 2008 late of Plainfield, formerly of Woodridge. Beloved husband of Mary Anne Coburn; loving father of Cassie (Kirk) Moore, Michael (Heidi) Coburn, Karen Coburn, Kevin (Tracy) Coburn; cherished grandfather of eight; dear step brother of Robert, Ralph and Richard Bartholomew. Preceded in death by his parents Victor and Irene Coburn. Visitation Friday 4 to 9 p.m. at the Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townshall Dr. in Romeoville. Funeral Saturday, Dec 20, 2008 10 a.m. at the funeral home chapel. Service concludes at the funeral home. Friends who wish may make donations to Community Christian Church or Joliet Area Community Hospice, 250 Water Stone Circle, Joliet, IL 60431.

The family welcomes comments here or at the Chicago Tribune Guest Book.

Home at Last

2008-12-17T09:15:00.006-06:00

Dear Friends.

Joe finished his journey on earth and went to be with the Lord last night about 11. Cassie and I were both with him and were able to hold him at the end. We will miss him terribly but we know he is free now.

The visitation will be Friday from 4-9 P.M. and funeral will be Saturday at 10 A.M.
Both will be held at Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townhall Drive, Romeoville,60446.

Should friends desire, contributions can be made to Community Christian Church (http://www.communitychristian.org/locations/carillon/)
or Joliet Area Community Hospice.
( http://www.joliethospice.org/donations.shtml)

Our prayer requests now are that the out of town children can make it in without weather related problems as the forecast is not very good. How do I thank all of you for your prayers and support? Just know that I ask God to bless you in a special way this Christmas for reaching out to us in our time of need. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 16, 2008

2008-12-16T10:02:00.003-06:00

Dear Friends,
Hospice was just here and time is drawing near. His vital signs are dropping. I was reading the Psalms to Joe this morning and several verses really seemed appropriate.

Psalm 61 , vs 1-3
Hear my cry, O Lord;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

And Psalm 63 , vs 1

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the santuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because youre love is better than life, my lips will glorify you
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

We both got a good night sleep last night thanks to the increase in medicine. Please pray for comfort in the next hours. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 15, 2008

2008-12-15T16:49:00.004-06:00

Dear Friends,
Hospice was here today and Joe's vital signs remain the same as Friday although he is visibly weaker and less present to us each day. We have increased the medicine to keep him comfortable. Thanks for your phone calls. If I don't pick up it is because I forgot to bring my cell phone in the bedroom or I'm trying to nap. Last night was an awake night so I think I'll turn in early tonight if possible. There is not much else to tell today. We are 12 days from the wedding. Karen and Mark will be in a week from Wednesday if not sooner. Plans are finalizing nicely. Good thing I am not responsible for much. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

International House of Prayer (click here)

2008-12-14T08:44:00.007-06:00

Hi Friends,
I thought you might want to know about the International House of Prayer. Karen's best friend,Kelli, who will be her maid of honor works with them in Kansas City. She is also the one Karen was a missionary with in Russia and with the Navigators in Colorado. Anyway, last year on our way to Phoenix for alternative treatments, we stopped at IHOP (nice initials huh?) and spent some time with Kelli and in the prayer room and the healing room. The organization has 24 hour prayers and worship 7 days a week. When I am having a tough time or just anytime I want to be filled I go to the website and let the words fill me. You can click on International House of Prayer (title) to see what it is about.
Not much changed overnight. Joe is comfortable but not really aware of his surroundings. I decided this morning that maybe God is trying to teach me patience and trust. The kids and my siblings are constantly there by phone as well as our friends. I am so thankful for all our friends and for the blog to be able to keep in touch with all of you. When I feel up to it, it will be my job to write the Christmas letter this year and I think I will just post it on the blog. All who read this blog are involved in our life some way and I treasure the friendships. Although Joe was the flamboyant one in our relationship I was right behind him in living life fully and I learned a lot from him in how to let the child out to play.
Have a blessed quiet day in this busy season and know that I am thanking God for your friendships and support in this journey. God Bless. Mary Anne

December 13, 2008

2008-12-13T18:43:00.006-06:00

Hi Friends,
Another quiet day. Cassie was with me this morning and my friend Jeannie stopped over this afternoon. Joe has been sleeping all day and seems much more comfortable. It was a very blustery sort of day out today and I was glad I didn't have to go anywhere. The usual hubbub at this time of year has just passed me right by. In a way I'm glad but it feels funny not to shop and wrap and count to make sure everyone has the same amount, etc. We decided not to exchange with the kids this year and just give to the grandchildren. I didn't realize how many Christmas CD's we had until I started sorting through them to play them for Joe. Earlier in the week he would smile when one came on he liked but now there is no response. I know he can still hear so I think the music is soothing. Joe loved music and singing among other things and this is the only one I can bring into the room right now. We continue to pray for his journey on earth to be finished. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Friday December 12, 2008

2008-12-12T18:38:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Thanks to those of you who email me rather than comment on the blog. It took me awhile to figure out the blog and some of you want your comments to be private. I love them wherever they are. I cherish your thoughts and your prayers. My sister Trish was with me most of the day. The hospice nurse and aide were here also. the nurse said his blood pressure is falling some and his pulse is rising a little. Those are both expected signs of changes. Joe is no longer able to drink from a straw or communicate. We put a pain patch on him today that will work for three days. He isn't having any specific pain but just seems uncomfortable any time we move him. I promised to keep him comfortable and hospice is very good at helping me make decisions about medications. I pray with him each day and ask Jesus to take him if it is time and tell Joe is it OK to go. He is no longer aware of time or asking what day it is so I think that is good.
On a lighter note, Lucky our dog seems completely recovered from whatever was hurting him. I wonder if maybe the injections he got in his neck hit a nerve that went to his shoulder and now that is OK. He is still on an antibiotic for his sore throat but he never leaves Joe's bed except to go out.
I know many of your are busy with shopping and parties and I appreciate you taking time to check in with the blog each day and pray for us. I am mostly at peace except for a meltdown once or twice a day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

Phone Calls

2008-12-12T06:56:00.006-06:00

Hi All,
Karen writing here. I told Mom last night I would update the blog and then forgot...sorry. Things are pretty much the same in Chicago. Mom is doing well and has had enough folks around helping that she's been able to get out when she needs to. Dad is resting comfortably and sleeping most of the time. And Lucky, the faithful maltese is doing much better.

(click photo for larger view)

I've been back in Phoenix a week now working hard to get ready for moving, the wedding, the holidays etc. It was really hard coming back, but then after a day or so, I adjusted. There's so much to do it was easy to jump in. But yesterday as I was running errands, the thought struck me...I'll never have another phone conversation with Dad again. That may sound odd - why a phone call? Why not a hug? Or a dinner? Or a Christmas? Well, I've been in a different city from my folks for over 10 years now. Typically I would talk to my Mom on the phone and if she wasn't home, Dad would answer. Besides seeing Dad in person this was the only time I'd really talk to him on the phone. He wasn't much of a phone talker. But 2 1/2 years ago when Dad was diagnosed, he called me and told me "it's bad news honey, it's cancer."

In the days that followed there was so much going on that I began calling every morning on my way to work. Sometimes I had a specific question or wanted to know a test result. Other times I had a bible verse or something I wanted to share. Sometimes, honestly, I wasn't sure what the heck we would talk about. But one thing I knew... I didn't want another day to pass without talking to my dad. I didn't know how many days we would have and I didn't want to miss any. Well it became a wonderful habit. As soon as I got in my car to go to work, I would call. So...that's why yesterday it dawned on me that I would never call Dad again. I haven't had the daily reminder of a job. Those were precious times on the phone.

This was one of the gifts that Dad's cancer brought me. Through it, my dad and I grew closer. But like my brother Michael has said - don't wait for something like that before you reach out to the ones around you say I love you, you matter to me, I want to be involved in your life. You will never regret it. Thanks for all your prayers for our family. Reading the comments is always so uplifting.
Love to you all,
Karen

December 10, 2008

2008-12-10T20:21:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Joe and I had another peaceful day. The hospice nurse was here today as well as the aide to give Joe care. He tries to pull himself together to communicate when they come but it is very difficult now. Something happened to Lucky today and I took him to the vet but no difinitive answer. He just got reallly lethargic and had tremors most of the day. All the vet could find was a sore throat so he is on an antibiotic but tonight we realized that he has a really sore spot behind his left shoulder so I will take him back tomorrow and have an x-ray done. I think the tremors were from pain. Lucky is laying on the bed with his head on a pillow. I had to bring his food into him to eat as he doesn't want to move. Do you think I am spoiling him?
Joe asked today how many days til the wedding. I asked him if he was trying to hang on til then and he said no. His vital signs are stable but we lose a little ground each day. Thanks for all your words of support. God bless. Mary Anne

A 5K for the ages

2008-12-09T22:03:00.002-06:00

All is quiet from Plainfield as I spoke to my Mom today. But I have a story and favorite picture to share.

In August of 2001, some of the family had discovered running. You could say we were hooked. Well that was enough, those of us who were hooked dragged the rest of the group into a 5 K together as a family. In this photo, the runners are on the left and the dragees are on the right. Far right you will see my dad who reminded me everytime since that one 5 K that doing the race, messed up his knee. Well I highly doubted it, but it was not as if he was about to launch a running career. He did continue to exercise as best he could right up until the cancer was really sapping all of his energy. And I said on the phone, "just go out and do a little walk". He said, "Nothing is impossible for the one that does not have to do it". This was the last time I pushed dad to exercise as he had really done what he could. I am still glad we dragged the whole family into the 5K. My mother did so well in her age group (as always) that she won a free poster size enlargement. This was the photo she chose to posterize and it now hangs in the basement of my parents house and I think I will have to fight my siblings for it because that was a 5K for the ages!

Autumn Leaves

2008-12-09T08:34:00.005-06:00

Hi Friends,
I'm sure many of you remember the song "September Song" where it says,

"The autumn weather turns the leaves to flame

Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few

September, November

And these few precious days I'll spend with you These precious days I'll spend with you "

- Well, that is where we are now. Joe has not eaten anything in a week. He is only drinking about a glass of liquid a day. His meds are liquid and very small amounts so he hardly has to swallow. The toxins in his body have taken away most chance of him saying something coherent and it just agitates him to try. I am giving him ativan for the agitation routinely now and he had a much better night sleep because of it.
I am writing early to let you know our electric will be off for several hours today so the regular phone won't work. Don't worry. It should be back on by two this afternoon. They are doing some work in the neighborhood.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on the blog. They lift me up to hear how many of you loved Joe and what he meant in your life. It will be hard to let him go but my prayer is that God will take him soon. What is left here now is not the man we all knew. Cas and I both got a hug last night (and had a good cry too). Don't worry about me. I know this will be hard but I have Jesus to walk beside me in spirit and in those who love me here on earth. I will post if there are any changes. I got to talk to my pen pal,Janette, in Scotland last night and that was special. We have been friends since we were 11 so that is a lot of years. She and her husband came to America to visit us about a month before Joe got diagnosed.
Again, thank you to all who visit here. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

2008-12-08T04:37:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,
Sorry I forgot to post yesterday. It was another quiet day. I stayed home with Joe and didn't go to church but they brought communion to us. Joe is not coherent most of the time but he knew he was getting communion. Last night our son-in-law Kirk stayed with Joe and Cas and I went to see Mame at Drury Lane with friends. It was hard leaving Joe but good to have a little break and be distracted for awhile. I put the Statler Brothers CD on yesterday and Joe was naming the songs as they came on but it is no longer possible to have a conversation with him. My sister Ron is coming over today and I talked to my brother from Colorado yesterday. My siblings have been so supportive on the phone checking in each day and it is hard to know what to say. I don't know how much longer Joe can hang on with no solid nourishment and very little fluids.
When the time comes, I will post on the blog what the arrangements are as I know I won't be able to call everyone that would want to know so please keep checking the blog. I hope that doesn't seem to impersonal but I don't want to leave anyone out.
Please pray for peace in these final days and comfort for Joe. He has been a terrific patient not complaining about his situation and thanking everyone for the little things they do. Hospice comes today so I will update if there is anything new. God bless. Mary Anne

December 6, 2008

2008-12-06T18:26:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,
Maybe its time for another poem I wrote the last week of October in the middle of the night.

END OF LIFE
When the end of life seems really near,
And the rustle of wings sound in your ear,
When the battle on earth is over and done,
Then Jesus will say "You won, We won"

Then I'll say go, my darling, go
To your glorious heaven above,
Join your parents and faithful friends,
Because I'll go on feeling your love.

Not much change today, a little restlessness, a little discomfort, both controlled by medication. The house is so quiet except for Lucky barking at the dogs walking by. I taped a bunch of Christmas movies, pretty sappy, but they pass the time and I can be in the room with Joe without them bothering him. I am a fan of Law & Order and CSI but I don't want him dreaming about crime scenes. At the suggestion of our daughter in law Tracy I read the 84th Psalm to Joe and it is so appropriate for this time in life. Very comforting. God Bless. Mary Anne

2008-12-05T18:34:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,
Today was a quiet day for Joe. He slept all day after sleeping all night. When he wakes up for a few minutes,he is so confused he can't get out the words he wants so it is pretty frustrating. The pain in his groin which bothered him for the last several days on and off seems to be gone and it was controlled with pain medication. I think our time with the real Joe is gone now and we just have to wait for the journey to end. Our pastor Earl was here this afternoon and said a prayer with Joe but he had a hard time staying awake even for that. Cas and Kev were here with me this afternoon but there is not much physical care. They really are here to support me which I very much appreciate. My swim team brought over a huge fruit and vegetable basket for me today so I am all set to eat healthy. Karen has me set up taking about 8 supplements a day. That should keep me healthy. Lucky, our little Maltese spends all day on Joe's hospital bed with him getting off only to eat and go out. He will be two years old on Sunday.
The hospice nurse was here today and his vital signs are staying pretty stable. He had a strong body before this cancer hit him.There is not much else to say. Please pray that the journey ends soon for him and in peace. God bless. Mary Anne

Good Morning

2008-12-04T08:17:00.003-06:00

It's Thursday morning and today I am heading back to Phoenix. It has been a wonderful three weeks with my family and especially with my Dad. It is difficult leaving not knowing if Dad will still be with us when I return for the wedding. In a lot of ways, I've already lost the Dad I knew my whole life... the jovial, life of the party, joke-telling, great conversationalist. But the Dad I've experienced in the last three weeks has been so beautiful. I am thinking of his face when he thought I was leaving and I told him I was staying through Thanksgiving. He lit up with such a genuine smile. The next thing he said was "and then what? You gonna update your resume?" Little did he know he was right. I lost my job later that week and will be looking for a new one when I get to Phoenix. Another precious memory was all of us standing around his bedside with him directing us as we sang Barbershop Tags. So fun to see a slice of old Dad back - picky about our timing and our dynamics. But it's all the little things too, feeding him coffee cake and having him thank me when I'm done. Trying really hard to understand what he's saying and having him thank me for being patient. I wouldn't trade these last three weeks for anything in the world. And while it is extrememly difficult to think that he probably won't be here when I come back, the knowledge that he will be waiting for me when I finally go home to Jesus is a beautiful hope. He gets more beautiful to me each day even as he loses weight.

About 6 weeks ago, when Dad learned he would be going on hospice and probably seeing Bonaire for the last time, he said he hated thinking about putting us through this. I told him that a long time ago through the death of a dear friend in Atlanta, I learned something about grief. Grief is not a tradegy. Grief has this bittersweetness to it that allows us to get in touch with the impact of a life on ours. Grief pulls us together in community with those who have also been touched. There is a sweetness in grief when our hope rests in eternity with Jesus. I am so grateful that around Dad these last three weeks I have really felt that. There has been so much peace in the midst of it all.

Since I will be leaving today, Mom will be by herself for the day. She's asked me to let you know that that is her preference as she really hasn't had much alone time with Dad. If she doesn't answer the phone, everything is probably fine, she'll just give you a call later.

Thank you to all of you who have been such an amazing support during this time. I don't think I've cooked one meal since I have gotten here because of all the meals people have brought. Please continue to pray for the peace of the Lord to surround Mom and Dad and for us to trust in the Lord's perfect timing of Dad's homecoming and my wedding.

Thanks,
Karen

Its the plumber...

2008-12-03T04:46:00.004-06:00

From Ohio, I understand that it is still about the same for how Dad is doing. Just a quick note on a random act of kindness bestowed on our family yesterday. Kevin and I replaced the dishwasher last week and did it just the way my dad would be so proud of. We took the time to break out more tile from the floor to ensure all was level. We even wore safety glasses (his) while doing this dangerous job. We messed up the threads on one of the copper elbows which required a trip to Ace Hardware (dad's favorite store). We then got it in and running perfectly. Perfectly is a relative term. The dishwasher did run fine. Underneath the sink where we had to turn the brass shut-off valve off for the water for the first time in say 8 years developed a leak which required a tray to collect the water. Every few days you take a towel and mop up the water. Close enough right? So we called in the expert Little Walt's Plumbing . Our plumber arrived as promised and made two tightenings and fixed the problem. When Mom went to pay him HE REFUSED PAYMENT. He said I could not charge you for that. Well, if that is not a random act of kindness, I don't know what is. So I just thought that it deserved some recognition. My dad would probably say he paid for that service call 10 times over through the years of plumbing projects gone wrong, but the truth is, I think we just got a "free lunch".

A Blanket of Peace

2008-12-01T09:55:00.004-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well, I guess it is back to me blogging since Michael has gone back home. Karen is still here with me until Thursday. We can only go one day at a time and see what happens. I went to church with Karen and Mark yesterdy while Mike was still here and the message was about hope. And our hope is that we can keep Joe comfortable and at home. He is eating small meals about once a day when he feels like it. He has periods of confusion where he can't get the right words out and that is hard for him. Today we prayed that as the snowfall outside is a visual reminder of peace, peace would come and be a blanket over Joe.

The song we sang in church keeps running through my mind(the young people call it a worm I think) but the words are:
My life is in You Lord
My strength is in You Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
In You, it's in You

These words and thoughts and God's grace through your prayers are giving us the strength we need each day. Thank you for being with us in this time.
God Bless,
Mary Anne

Leaving again

2008-11-30T09:16:00.007-06:00

Michael here. I have been lucky enough to be here since Tuesday the 18th. Heidi, the kids and I leave today for Ohio. I consider this all bonus time with my family. I told my dad that I did not mind saying goodbye 2 times and he said he had the count up to 5 or 6 times! I think we have cleaned out every room, looked at every picture in the house, replaced a dishwasher, created a leak, used every tool in the wood shop I could figure out how to work, broke a computer fixed it then broke the other. Don't worry, Mom still has internet!

This is an unpredictable journey. My dad is still having lucid moments, still sleeping a lot, still getting a bit confused on what day it is and still not in any real pain other than a bit of back pain from laying in a hospital bed for 2 weeks. I asked him how he slept last night and he said considering my current state, not bad. Thanks for reading, commenting and supporting us as a family during this. I know it will be much harder to be away than to be here.

Sleepy day Posted on Friday night...late.

2008-11-29T00:02:00.004-06:00

I was home with Dad most of the day while the girls went to the bridal shower for Karen. It was a very quiet day with the two little white dogs he likes sleeping on the bed with him until his nurse came, the cleaning lady came and finally his nurse's assistant came. Each one of those produced a cacophony of yippy barking and running across dad and off the bed. He survived those and slept until late tonight. Then he had an awake period. His nurse says he has a strong will. He told his nurse today that what is happening to him in the grand scheme of things is really not too bad considering all the worse things going on out there in the world. This is our new normal. It is taking some getting used to. We were lucky to have had a very real dad tonight directing us singing barbershop tags (song endings), demanding perfection. What might have irritated us as kids our youth learning these songs was quite fun. He made us re-start the song 3 times ...too fast, too loud, build slower etc. It was great. At one point, we told him that he had never taught us that before...he said I have not taught you everything. When these moments happen, you cherish it, wonder if it is the last and then say goodnight. Goodnight.

A Father's Blessing on Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T11:54:00.005-06:00

Joe's daughter, Karen writing here. A few days ago I went in to say goodnight to Dad and when I did he started to cry. I asked him what he was feeling and he said he was sad. I said about the wedding? He said yes. A few days later, I asked him if we could do the beginning part of the ceremony, the part where he gives me away. I told him that was his role and I wanted to know if he would do that. I've been wondering if he needs that to be able to let go.

So, this morning, my parent's pastor, Earl, came over. He gave a short intro saying that it is tradition to have the father give his daughter away. So not knowing if Dad would make it to the wedding we wanted to have Dad give me away this morning. Our whole family was gathered in the bedroom (all 18 of us). Earl asked Dad the traditional question "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" and Dad answered "her mother and I do" with clarity, strength and emotion in his voice.

Then Earl prayed a blessing. It was a very special time together that we will all remember. I am so glad to have shared that with my dad. I have complete peace about our wedding. I have shared with him that picturing him up in heaven with the Father gives me great joy. My dad has always been so affirming of me. I know that on that day he will look down from heaven and smile with pride and he and the Father will share delight. My dad's heart for me has always been a picture of my heavenly Father's love for me. So while I would have loved for him to be at our wedding, I find great comfort thinking about him free from cancer, with no discomfort, totally healed and whole.

We have so much to be thankful for today. I am grateful for a father whose love I've never questioned. He has supported me my whole life. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and for the incredible community of people who are standing with us praying for us. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Karen

Tying the Leaves? Click here to listen

2008-11-26T14:43:00.004-06:00

Posted in the right hand column and here is a link and photo related to the song "I'm Tying the Leaves" recorded by my dad's quartet the SoundTracks in 1973 or so. It seems appropo now as we are at the end of the fall. Hope you enjoy.

Christmas lights

2008-11-25T15:13:00.002-06:00

We put up more Christmas lights today and I even figured out how to anchor down the wooden reindeer out front just like dad used to do it. He gave some positive encouragement from his bed positioned in the front window. I am cleaning out his woodworking shop of about 75 lbs of sawdust. I am not kidding. We are going to keep the shop intact, it is quite the set up and I think we will find uses for it. Dad has been awake enough today for us to sit with him and listen to Barbershop recordings. Specifically we listened to the SoundTracks which he sang lead for in the 1970's. They sounded amazing and he sang along. He told us...listen to this chord, modulation etc. Those are the soundtracks of our life. We listened to a lot of Barbershop. It never sounded so sweet as this morning. Then the last song I played for him was from Don Bagley's quartet, "The Chiefs of Staff". The song is Memory from the musical Cats. Dads face just lit up with emotion when it came on. We both loved it. We are now watching the Ball State football game. He is operating the remote so he must be feeling a bit up. I think he likes the comfort of the television which is something he enjoyed when he was well. Now he is asleep again.

Another quiet day

2008-11-24T22:31:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,
Joe continues to hang on. The hospice nurse thinks he is trying to make it to the wedding which seems impossible from our standpoint and hers. His jaundice is severe. He did eat a little today after not eating for two days. We did not get our quality time we have had in the evening tonight but we had about an hour. Karen and I did go to workout this morning and I think that was my first time out of the house in 8 days. Michael put the wooden reindeer out on the lawn today but we don't know how Dad made them stand up in the wind. I am sure we are going to encounter problems like this frequently as we try to do the tasks he did. Today Michael and Kevin installed a new dishwasher for us. Why didn't they tell me my dishes haven't been clean for a long time? Anyway it was one more problem taken care of by the kids. That is so helpful to me. I just let Kevin pick it out for me Saturday and pick it up today. The nurse will be back on Wednesday and we will see what she has to say then. For now I will just say goodnight and God Bless. Mary Anne

A Peaceful Day

2008-11-23T19:40:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,

We continue to gather as a family watching as Joe gets more and more sleepy each day. He is now only taking a small amount of liquids and no real food but is still not in any pain. We thank our neighbors and small group for providing meals the last several days. Its been a big help. Karen and I were able to go to church this morning while Michael and Cassie stayed with Joe. Joe can no longer summon the energy to talk on the phone when the many friends from over the years have called in to send their wishes. We are relating all of your sentiments to him and he is truly touched. While the Chicago Bears did get a victory today, Joe only saw about 5 minutes of it. Thankfully they scored on their opening drive. We continue to be sustained by your prayers and warm wishes. God Bless, Mary Anne.

One Solitary Life

2008-11-22T23:03:00.002-06:00

Karen here... tonight we were just sitting around and I decided to go on the blog and listen to "O Holy Night" with my dad and brother, Kevin singing. My dad has always loved that song. Of course, I ended up in a puddle. Just seeing him looking so well and singing so beautifully made me realize how much I already miss him. While he is still having times where he is awake and engaged, he is much subdued and has trouble getting his words together at times. Anyway... all this got me thinking about Christmas and how much Dad loves this time of year. For a long time, every Christmas, Dad would read "One Solitary Life". I'd like to share it with you. For those of you who know Dad personally, you can imagine him reading this with great emotion and dramatic affect:

He was born in a stable in an obscure village.
From there He traveled, less than 200 miles.
He never won an election,
He never went to college,
He never owned a home,
He never had a lot of money.
He became a nomadic preacher,
Popular opinion turned against Him,
He was betrayed by a close friend,
And His other friends ran away.
He was unjustly condemned to death,
Crucified on a cross among common thieves,
On a hill overlooking the town dump,
And when dead, laid in a borrowed grave.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone,
Empires have risen and fallen,
Mighty armies have marched,
And powerful rulers have reigned.
Yet no one has affected men as much as He,
He is the central figure of the human race,
He is the Messiah, the Son of God,
Jesus Christ.

My dad has never been a man shy to show emotion. This poem often made him cry. He loves the Lord and the way this poem expressed it always touched him. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

Karen

It's Saturday...Finally.

2008-11-22T17:21:00.007-06:00

Last Tuesday, my dad groaned when he was told it was Tuesday. My mother asked him if he was getting impatient with God? No he said. She asked what day he wished it was? He said "Saturday!". Why?... FOOTBALL. It has been a pretty quiet day today here in Plainfield. I took a break from a lot of activity to just sit and watch the Notre Dame game with my dad. He has been much quieter today with fewer alert and connected moments. He did seem to perk up when I brought him a cold Starbuck's Mocha Frappaccino (one of his favorites). I brought a glass in with me along with the bottle so we could share it. His eyes lit up so much when I showed him the bottle that it was not long before I heard the empty gurgling sound of the straw in the bottom of the bottle before I had managed to pour my half. He watched portions of the game when he was awake and the same goes for me. I thought the Irish were going to put up a victory no problem for him as they were leading 23-10 at one point. Unfortunately, they lost by a point when they missed their shot for a winning 53 yard field goal with seconds remaining. When the ball was placed on the 35 yd line for the field goal attempt, I wondered outloud... how long is this kick. Dad quickly said 53 yards. Dad did not seem too concerned about it and we did enjoy the game. He is a HUGE Notre Dame fan if you did not know it. He did not attend Notre Dame but probably would have loved to as he had hopes of being the drum major for the Band of the Fighting Irish as he was for his high school band at Catholic Central in Detroit. Thanks for all the comments and those who have signed as as followers of this blog. It is neat to see who is with us during this time. I know how I felt when I followed Valerie McCrea's battle with Cholangio Carcinoma through a blog which ended in April of 2007. It was very moving and I felt very connected with their story. The difference with Valerie is that she was the mother of 3 young boys all under age 10. That was when I first gained perspective on how different this disease could have been for Dad and our family. What if he had been diagnosed when he was 37? I still hate to see the life taken out of him, but I remain forever thankful that I have had him for this long. He is very peaceful at this time.

He's waiting for Joe

2008-11-21T19:55:00.005-06:00

This morning I got a call from Liz Springer, the wife of Joe's longtime childhood friend, Pete Springer. She called to share that Pete had died suddenly and peacefully in his recliner watching television this morning. Joe and Pete went to Precious Blood grade school together in Detroit and played basketball together as early as 5th grade and remained friends throughout high school playing in the band together and Pete was our best man in our wedding (photo August 29, 1964). Liz and Pete stayed in touch with us throughout our lives through Christmas cards, calls and the occassional visit. Pete called Joe last week to say goodbye and was very upset with the whole situation. Joe spoke with Liz today and shared a cry as they both remembered their friend. I told Joe that Pete would be waiting for him in heaven. It is neat to picture the two of them together again reunited through the wisdom of God's timing.

You look wonderful tonight

2008-11-21T01:18:00.003-06:00

Maybe it is just us, but we think Dad looks wonderful tonight. This is him about 8 p.m. tonight. We spent another good hour with him after a very quiet and restful day. We sang, talked, cried and sang some more. We again had Mom, Cassie, Michael, Karen and Kevin in the house. We even sang some barbershop tags and the one song we know - America the Beautiful. We actually got the harmony right. This stuff was taught to us by our dad from about 1977.

I watched the Georgia Tech vs Miami game with him for a while as well. Another special night.

Comments and Followers Welcome

2008-11-20T14:14:00.002-06:00

We have changed the blog to allow for a couple new features. 1) We made it easier to comment on the blog without having an account. We would love to hear from you if you would like to send a comment. 2) You can also sign up to track the blog at the top right of the page, this will require you to register for a google account but you will be notified of updates at this critical time.

Another quiet day here in Plainfield. Dad is sleeping a lot but when he wakes up and talks, he is still dad, although he struggles to find the words to express what is going on in his mind. Frustrating for a guy who had one of the best commands of the english language.

Dad loves a sunset

2008-11-20T00:26:00.003-06:00

Thanks to my mom for letting me be a guest blogger here again. Rather than just give updates, I like to also share some of my thoughts. I don't know anyone who appreciates scenery and photos without people in them as much as my dad, Joe. In selecting this sunset shot over Klein Bonaire he took, I had many to chose from. For more than a decade this is the winter view my parents have enjoyed together in Bonaire to get through those tough, long and dark Chicago winters. I really am thankful for the ability to appreciate nature, vistas and natural beauty that my father has given to me. I imagine that this will be just one of the many reminders that will keep him close to me after he has left this world. As to his current state, he is a joy to be in the room with. I can't get enough of him. So much so that we have started to get on his nerves as we all just hang around him and it is tough to sleep when everyone wants to chat. Some moments he doesn't seem there and then others, he seems like he could go down in the basement and work on a woodworking project with me which was another of his passions. Many would wonder if it is tough to see your dad like this in the sunset of his life? I guess the answer is on the one hand yes, on the other... as long as he is not in pain, I will take as much of him as I can get. Some of you may not know this, but my dad lost his dad to cancer when he was 22. I am so thankful for the incredible time I have had for an adult relationship with my dad, that he never had with his. When I see a pretty sunset, smell pine needles or see deer wandering in a field my mind will always go to thoughts of my dad, pointing these things out.

November 19, 2008

2008-11-19T14:54:00.004-06:00

Last night Karen picked up Michael at 9pm. Cassie and Kevin were there and we all gathered around Joe. We had an hour of reminiscing and retelling Joe's quotes and jokes. He was very alert and engaged. It was a wonderful time filled with laughter. Karen's fiancee, Mark, called and Joe had a chance to talk with him which meant a lot. The men's bible study Joe has been a part of stopped by (with our permission) this morning to say a prayer and let him know how much he's meant to them. Afterwards I said to him "I don't know anyone who has as many friends as you". He has loved so many - so well during his life. It is evident at this time when so many want to pour out their love back to him. He is very much at peace and still has no pain. We're enjoying every minute we have. Thanks for your continued prayers.

God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 18, 2008

2008-11-18T13:26:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Last night I went out to get a shower present for our daughter and three of our children were here with Joe. He was so funny yesterday we were laughing with him. Today he is even more sleepy and his speech is slurred without any medication. At this time I think we need to request that only family visit. Although Joe is always happy when someone comes, it takes a lot of energy for him to engage and even at that he can only stay awake for a minute or two. We're so thankful for all of your support and prayers. We have felt it so much on this journey.

Take care and God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 17, 2008

2008-11-17T11:43:00.002-06:00

My Dear Friends,

The hospice nurse just left a bit ago and she said that she sees even more changes. His lungs are starting to get congested. As the toxins in his body build up because of his liver, it becomes more difficult for him to process what he'd like to say. But his sense of humor is still very much alive! Mary, the nurse, said she can tell he is at peace. Right now Joe is sleeping with Lucky at his side. The nurse suggested no visitors today so he could rest. We estimated he had about 50 visitors from Friday til Sunday night. What a great tribute to Joe and how many lives he's affected.

Karen was supposed to leave this afternoon but Joe looked at her this morning and said "I think you should stay" so she is going to do that. Michael is flying back in tomorrow night so the kids will all be in town.

Over the last few weeks, God has been giving me poems. I 'd like to share another with you that I wrote two weeks ago.

TIME TO SAY GOODBYE (10/31/08)

It’s almost time to say good bye
And a hard hard thing it is.
Please do not fear what is ahead,
Because only the physical is dead.

Heaven awaits you faithful friend,
When life on earth is at it’s end.
And you will be a favored guest,
Because on earth you followed your quest.

God Our Father, Jesus too,
The Holy Spirit will welcome you.
And you will experience the awaited prize,
And see the Trinity with perfect eyes.

And when you look down at us below,
Your only thoughts will be full of glow.
Because you will know and truly feel,
What it’s like at his feet to kneel.

So go my love and do not wait,
We have said let go, we know your fate.
We will be fine, as long as we know,
When we also die on your path we’ll go.

Take care and God bless,
Mary Anne

Golf tips

2008-11-16T22:20:00.004-06:00

About 7 years ago, I stopped playing golf with my dad. I was more into running, swimming and cycling and I was not very good at golf. Plus, I hated getting golf tips from my dad when we played. I could take them from anyone but him, I don't know why that was. When Dad got diagnosed with CholangioCarcinoma some 28 months ago, I started playing rounds of golf with him when the chances came up. I even included my son, Connor in our last few outings. On our first round after learning of his cancer, I asked dad to start giving me tips again. I took as many of those as I could. I am still no good at golf, but I am richer for the rounds played with Dad.

Sunday November 16, 2008

2008-11-16T16:03:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well Michael has gone back to Ohio so no more pictures. Yesterday was busy day. My sister Cath and Tim and family were in from Minnesota and my brother Rick and Bonnie and son were in from Arkansas. Everyone pitched in to help put up the Christmas tree for me as well as our little Dickens village which was always Joe's' project. We aren't sure it is in the right order on the table but when Joe got up for dinner he got to see it and he really like it. He is spending all his time in the hospital bed now. I don't think he will get up today at all. The elders from the church came and anointed him and gave him communion. He has been on the leadership board for the last two years with them. Karen stayed with Joe this morning while Cas and I went to church and guess what the message was on? Heaven. Is God's timing perfect or what! Joe is more sleepy today and is starting to get his words mixed up a little. This is to be expected with all the toxins in his body. He is still joking when he is awake. He had a chance to talk with Jason and Ryan, our two youngest grandchildren (7 & 9), today and told them not to be afraid of death, that it was part of living and he would see them in heaven. We were able to talk about the songs he wants at his service with him. Everything is very open which makes it a lot easier. We alternate talking about how much Joe has meant in our lives and preparations for the wedding.
The hospice nurse comes again tomorrow. Karen goes back to Phoenix tomorrow but will be back in for Thanksgiving if not sooner. We just go day to day and count on God's strength. He is always there for us. As I say almost every time but I mean it, thanks for all your prayers. I will try and update each day. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Visiting Joe

2008-11-15T08:16:00.002-06:00

Saturday November 15, 2008

2008-11-15T05:39:00.008-06:00

Karen Kevin
Michael Mary Anne Joe Cassie

November 14, 2008

Dear Friends,

How do you know what to write in a situation like this? I am overwhelmed with the love of people for Joe. Yesterday we had friends we met diving who drove up from Memphis (8 Hours) just to spend two hours with Joe and say good bye. My brother Rick and his wife Bonnie flew in from Arkansas and their son Ricky picked them up and brought them here yesterday. My sister Cathy and family are coming in today from Minnesota. Also our daughter Karen that is getting married in 5 weeks flew in from Phoenix yesterday and surprised Joe. We had a special time when just our kids and their spouses were in the room with us and we prayed together and just told Joe how good an example he set about loving everyone no matter their walk in life. He spends most of his time in the family room which has been rearranged to accommodate the lift chair which is like an automatic lazy boy. Other family members are in the living room or kitchen. We have the computer down here with us and albums so we have done a lot of remembering and lots of laughing at what we used to look like. Mary, the hospice nurse came yesterday and although she kind of talked Joe into the hospital bed, he sure looked more comfortable in it than the regular bed when she came to see him. Joe is getting jaundiced now and she said he will get more confused as the toxins build up. We see just a slight bit of that now. He still has his sense of humor and really made an effort to talk with people as they were here yesterday. My two in town sisters, Ron and Trish ,were also here yesterday with their husbands. Today I think we will put up some indoor Christmas decorations. Joe loves Christmas and always enjoyed just looking at the Christmas tree all decorated. Michael and I put up some outdoor lights Thursday but we won't turn them on til Thanksgiving.

A couple nights ago when I couldn't sleep I started getting verses in my head. This has happened to me several times in the last month and I feel like Jesus is preparing me for the road ahead. I wanted to share one of them with all of you to let you now I am going to be OK.

Set Your Eyes on Him

In the middle of the night when your mind turns to fright,
Set your eyes on Him.
In the middle of the night, when there's no one else in sight,
Set your eyes on Him.
For when He is in your midst, and you feel the love within,
Then the fear that Satan brings has vanished in thin air.
I know He is around me, I can feel his presence near.
And now that I have named it, I can sleep without the fear.
Oh Jesus, how I love you, and need you by my side.
Through the troubled days ahead, in your words I will abide.
For I know You love me also, and will not abandon me.
And when the trial is over, many blessing I will see.
So stay with me my Saviour, my comfort and my guide.
Until my darling Joseph, is standing at your side.

I now understand the "peace that passes all understanding" because even though I cry a lot, I have a wonderful peace inside.

Thank you so much for your prayers. They have been answered in more ways than you know and I feel the grace surround us each day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

All together now.

2008-11-13T22:46:00.003-06:00

Hi all,

This is Michael here, Joe's son. It now looks like all the kids will get together with Mom and Dad tomorrow, Friday to share a moment. Today I had each one of my children spend a minute with Grandpa. It was really special. Dad stopped and asked my youngest, Isabelle, "is this bothering you" she said "sort of". He said its alright and that everyone has to go through this and it will all be OK, it is part of living...dying. I was so touched that during a time like this he thought of her feelings and how she was doing. She told him how special he was to her and he said the same in return. As my brother Kevin and I sat and listened to Dad talk with the Hospice nurse, we could not get over how he was still such a joker. He really has handled this quite well which was his intention upon first being diagnosed. Thanks for all the support and interest in what is going on here. It is appreciated tremendously. I am posting another photo of my dad just three months ago in Canada, fishing and enjoying his grandsons and nature.

Thursday November 13, 2008

2008-11-13T18:23:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends.
Well. hospice said today he is really declining fast which I saw in the last three days. He is very weak and can't walk to the bathroom anymore. He is becoming more short of breath with any exertion and he is running a temp. We have our son Michael and family in from Ohio now and Karen is flying in tomorrow. I have lots of support here and I got to cry with our two boys this afternoon after hospice left. My brother and sister are coming in this weekend as well as friends from Tennesee. Please pray that family gets here in time and that Joe goes peacefully. He is ready to meet his Savior. I hate to see him go but I know this is OK. Please don't send him any more emails because he doesn't check his email anymore. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 8, 2008

2008-11-08T13:49:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
Well we made it home without event. Joe was really a trooper. He sat in the wheel chair in San Juan for 5 hours between flights and never complained. He hardly slept except a little on the plane but he slept really good last night. This morning he had to get up earlier that usual because hospice came early. He is all signed up now and the nurse will come either Monday or Tuesday. We still aren't sure about the draining of the fluid in his belly but we will talk to the nurse about it. It is not causing him pain or difficulty breathing but it is uncomfortable. We just got the handicap sticker for the car in the mail. That will make it easier if we go somewhere. This was a very difficult week saying good bye to everyone in Bonaire. You friends have been such a support to us, we just can't thank you enough. Although this part of the journey is difficult, there is also a peace that comes with it knowing the choices are now up to Joe and he doesn't have to go through any more procedures. Cassie and I are on our way to taste the food for the wedding this afternoon. If I am away and Joe is sleeping he probably won't answer the phone but just leave a message and I will get back to you. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 2, 2008

2008-11-02T13:07:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends,
We are still in Bonaire and Joe is enjoying himself even tho he is sleeping til noon and lays on the couch all afternoon. He still likes being here and looking at the ocean. We go out to eat every other night just to get out and he can manage to sit up for a few hours and then he is really tired. The last two mornings I went diving on a boat dive before he got up and it was nice but not the same without him along taking pictures of everything he sees. We went down to the regular Friday evening Rum Punch party last night here at the resort and many staff and friends came to say helloand wish him well. It was hard for me to watch but good for him to see how many friends he has here. We did get up and dance to Ring Ting Ting, his favorite song by Moogie but only for a few minutes. It seemed like we were in slow motion but that is what we have done every Friday in Bonaire when we are here for the last twelve years.
Joe still has no pain but is very weak. The Pastor and two friends came over this afternoon and prayed with him.
We will leave here on Friday and have a long day home. I probably won’t write again til we get home unless something changes. Internet down here means carrying the computer about two blocks and working with dial up so it is fairly frustrating.
The wedding plans seem to be going along well. Many in the family are helping. It will probably get very busy when we get home but that is OK. The lack of stress here really helps us to recharge. God blesses us each day with his grace and the sunshine doesn’t hurt either. Haven’t gotten Joe on the beach yet but that isn’t important right now. Love to you all and God bless. Thanks for all your calls. Mary Anne P.S. I wrote this last night and copied it this morning but we had a wonderful surprise. Our friends Henk and Wilma who own the unit below us left a few days before we got here. When they read the blog they decided to fly back from Holland and see Joe while we were still here., You can't imagine our surprise when they walked in this morning. God is good - all the time. Joe couldn't believe they came just to see him. That's it for now.

October 26,2008

2008-10-26T10:08:00.003-05:00

Hi Friends,

Well, we made it. It was a long day but Joe managed just fine with the wheel chairs and lots of prayer. Ed and Jayne were a big help. Walt and lyn met us at the airport with some groceries and ehlped with our luggage. We went out to eat at one of our favorites on Friday night and had pizza but is was a huge effort for Joe to sit there. We did go to the Rum puch party at Buddy's and saw Moogie but no dancing this time. Yesterday Joe came down for breakfast about 11 and T.C. came to visit and stayed for lunch. Then Joe just laid on the couch all afternoon and evening. We ate in last night. Joe really has no appetite but is eating because he knows he should.
I went to church this morning alone. Ed and Jayne are still taking their diving course. We are asking our friends here on Boniare to visit us as we probably won't get out ,much. We are hoping to get down to the beach today for a little bit.We are at peace with how things are. Whoops, I forgot to tell you. Our daughter Karen is engaged. We have know for a few weeks this was coming becasue Mark called Joe and asked him but it is official now. She will be married on December 27th at our home. The wedding will be immediate family only and then we weill have a small reception. They will honeymoon in downtown Chicago and then head back to AZ where they both live. They will move into Mark's home. We are so excited about this and have been really busy making plans.
Pleae continue your prayers that the journey will be pain free and that we can get what we need from hospice when we get home. The ascites has come back already even tho he got drained last Wednesday. Take care and God Bless. Thanks for all your emails and notes. Mary Anne

October 22, 2008

2008-10-22T05:49:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends,
We had a really hard day yesterday. We saw Dr. Suh and after he listened to how Joe has been for the last two weeks and examined him, he said no more chemo and he suggested hospice when we return from Bonaire. I had already thought of that but it came as a shock to Joe. Our pastor Earl and his wife Pat came over last night and we talked and cried and just tried to come to grips with the fact that the fight is almost over. I think there is some relief in knowing no more treatments and doctor visits. We have had a wonderful trip on this cancer journey and it isn't over yet but we are thankful that there has been very little pain in the process and we have been able to do so much with all the time we have had. We know this is all in God's plan and I hope we can see the time Joe has left as a real gift to spend time with loved ones and get ready to see Jesus.
We still plan on going to Bonaire tomorrow with our dear friends Ed and Jayne. The travel day will be long but we have arranged for a wheel chair at the airports and if Joe can just sleep he will be happy. Please pray for us that the trip will be free of complications and that we will use the time wisely - grateful to God for all his blessings and strength to finish this journey with peace and confidence that his timing is always perfect. Take care and God Bless you all. Mary Anne

Friday October 17, 2008

2008-10-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Not too much going on here. We are still waiting for Joe's strength to return to a more normal level but he is not bouncing back like we hoped. He did start walking again this week. We saw the internist yesterday and he suggested Joe get lots more protein in because that will help keep the fluid from leaking out of the blood vessels into his abdomen. We still plan on going to Bonaire next Thursday for two weeks. He will get his abdomen drained next Tuesday and then see the oncologist. He is still sleeping most of the day. The kids are coming over tonight for dinner and they will help close up the pond for the winter. Ed and Jayne helped us put away the patio furniture. The fall colors are almost at their peak and they are gorgeous. The air had gotten crisp and we know winter is coming. But we are grateful for each day we have together. Our specific prayers are that Joe will regain some strength and be able to enjoy the holidays. Please know we appreciate all you have done for us by praying and letting us know you care. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

october 7, 2008

2008-10-07T15:25:00.003-05:00

Just a short note. Dr. Suh agreed we should stop chemo until after Bonaire to see if Joe can get stronger for the trip. He had 4.3 litres dained from his abdomen this afternoon and looks much better and has a lot less pressure on his stomach. Think of it as a little more than 2 two liter bottles. God Bless. Mary Anne

October 5, 2008

2008-10-05T19:45:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well Joe has not had any energy since his last chemo. It seems the last two times it has zapped everything out of him not just two days after bur for the following 10-12 days. He still has not come back after the chemo on Sept. 22ND. He slept all week with just a few outings at night for about 3 hours. He is depressed about not having any energy. He got another reaction to the Xeloda so the dose was cut again. His trial with cutting down the diuretic was not good. He gained 8 pounds is one week and it all went to his ascites. He is not back on the bigger dose but it has not helped his fluid in his abdomen. We have decided to hold off on chemo awhile and see if he can regain some strength. He had to cancel a trip to Dallas with church members for tomorrow through Wednesday because it was just too much effort for him. We still have Bonaire on the calendar for the end of the month but we will see. He has pretty much given up on diving again but he wants to go even if he can just sit and watch the ocean.
Our prayer requests are for increased strength and a lifting of the depression. The walking only lasted one week and then he got the burning feet from the Xeloda and now I'm not sure he is up to it. Thanks for all your support and prayers. The grace of God is what sustains us on this journey. We both read our scripture each day and find words that help. It has now been 26 months since diagnosis - a long journey but we have learned a lot and leaned on each other. Take care and God Bless Mary Anne

September 22, 2008

2008-09-22T13:22:00.003-05:00

Hi Friends,
Joe got chemo today and although his white count was down his Hgb. was 10.4 and his platelets were OK. Dr. still considers him stable. Our time in Phoenix was not great as Joe was pretty much exhausted and depressed the whole time but last week was a much better week. We seem to have to get used to a roller coaster life, celebrating the good days and praying for grace to get through the hard ones. Dr. did switch his antidepressant so maybe that will help. He has lost 10 pounds since last visit and it looks like it is the edema in his feet and the ascites that has gone down so he is decreasing the diuretic a little. He felt really good today. Tomorrow he has his last golf outing with the mens group. He has missed a lot this summer but will play the scramble tomorrow and then go the final luncheon for the year. This past weekend we spent with friends who came in from out of town from Mass. and North Carolina. We have been friends for more than 30 years and it was great to see them again. We had a lot of laughs and enjoyed remembering great times we had together.
I forgot to mention Joe started walking last week again after no exercise for quite awhile. He wants to be strong enought to dive again in late October if possible. Our specific prayer requests are that the diuretic would work during the day so he can sleep and that he can regain some strength. Thanks so much for being on this journey with us. God Bless. Mary Anne

September 4, 2008

2008-09-04T13:08:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Joe is getting chemo right now but we met with the doctor and saw the cat scan ourselves and it truly does show no progression of the disease. His liver enzymes are coming down also, and his CA 19-9 which was up as high as 200 is now down to 42 (normal is 37) so labwise it looks really good. He has been having some days where he just has no energy and sleeps all day and then the next day he feels pretty normal - no queasy stomach. Who knows! Tomorrow we leave for Phoenix and spend a week with Karen. She will have the week off as she is changing jobs this month. We will also stop out and see our friends the Sullivans on Saturday. We thought we lost the pump to our pond this week and we lost the frig in the basement last Saturday - now we discovered it is the whole circuit that is out so hopefully that will get fixed this afternoon. I am at Cassie's right now to drop off the dog for the week and guess what - I locked the keys in my car for the third time in 4 months. Well our son locked them in the first time, the second time I had had a new key made but it didn't work and now I am 45 mintues from home where the spare key is sitting. Joe will drive up here after the electrician fixes our problem and then we have a small group dinner kick off for all the small groups in our church tonight. Busy day before we leave tomrrow and I just made it even worse. Do you have trouble forgiving yourself for stupid things? I'm glad God doesn't have trouble forgiving us. I should take a lesson from that I guess. Anyway have a great day - we are, in spite of the problems. God Bless. Mary Anne

Tuesday August 26, 2008

2008-08-26T20:46:00.002-05:00

Hi Family and Friends,
Good news. Praise God for our answered prayers. Dr. Suh called tonight with the results of the cat scan and it show no progression of the disease. No new areas and no growth. We are thrilled because we thought with the ascites increasing, that the tumors were growing. We will bask in this news for awhile. We have our 44th wedding anniversary this Friday and are happy to be able to celebrate it together. Our son Michael comes to Chicago tomorrow and will take the res sportscar back tohis wife Heidi on Friday. Joe had a lot of fun with it but it ready to give it back. Thanks so much Heidi for fulfilling a dream of his. No more chemo until the 4th so hope all will be quiet on this front until then. Love to you all and God bless you. prayers work. With God, nothing is impossible. Mary Anne

August 20, 2008

2008-08-20T08:22:00.003-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well, the fishing trip was a success. No health problems and a good time was had by all. The weather was perfect, the fishing was fair. In the first fifteen minutes of fishing Joe caught a large 8 1/2 pound bass. He said if he didn't catch another fish all trip he would be happy. They did manage to have a fish dinner one night and everyone loved it. Joe cooked breakfast every morning while Michael took the boys fishing. The cabin is rustic and the mice thought they owned it but after killing 12 of them they had a little more peace. They were glad they had mosquito nets to sleep under. They came home happy, tired and grubby. Saturday morning Joe shaved his beard off and that was a good thing. I guess telling him he looked like my Dad with it helped him make the decision not to keep it. We are home now and although he still doesn't have his queasy stomach back his ascites is really bad. He has doubles the diuretic but it hasn't done the trick. he goes to Dr. Suh tomorrow for chemo so we will see what he says about it. Thanks for all your prayers that the trip was uneventful. Even tho they didn't need the satellite phone Michael used it to tell us they were OK several times. The girls and Heidi and I had a good time in Ohio just relaxing reading and some shopping. It was the most time we have spend with Marianne and Matthew, our two oldest grandchildren,in a very long time, and it was terrific. Marianne leaves for her first year of college tomorrow. We will be home for several weeks and then out to Phoenix to visit Karen again after Labor Day. Love to you all and God Bless. Mary Anne

August 7,2008

2008-08-07T10:37:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
We have had a good almost two weeks since I blogged last. Joe has had no queasiness for the past week and more energy. He had chemo yesterday but a smaller dose because his platelets were low. His ascites has returned so Dr. suh put him on Lasix instead of the mile diuretic so it will act fast but not keep him going all night and disrupt his sleep. His feel and ankle swelling has come down nicely.
Tomorrow we leave for Ohio with two grandchildren Marianne and Matthew and we go to Michael and Heidi's house for the weekend. Sunday Joe Mike Matthew and Connor head to Canada to fish from Monday til Friday. It is in Perry Sound on a remote lake with only one cabin. They will fly in in a small plane and hopefully just relax and fish to their hearts content. The lake has Northern and bass. They will take a satellite phone with them just in case but things seem pretty stable right now. We will be back home on Saturday the 16th, in time to sing in church on Sunday. Please pray for now health problems during this trip. It will be the first fishing trip with the two grandsons age 15 and 11. The summer is quickly going by but we have filled it with lots of good times and memories and lots of laughter. Joe's perennial garden has flourished and the rabbits seem to have left it for greener pastures. Today is our oldest daughter Cassie's birthday and tomorrow is Kevin's so we are going to Cassie's tonight to celebrate. Joe has been growing his beard for the last week and a half for this trip and he looks a little grubby in my eyes but he thinks he looks tough. All in the eye of the beholder I guess. Love to all of you and God Bless. Mary Anne

July 26,2008 Happy 2 year anniversary

2008-07-26T16:17:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well here we are two years later and Joe still has quality of life and we have had a really good two years. We have traveled, spent time with family and friends, sang and worshipped in our church in in Carillon, participated in two small groups each ( we are in a small group as a couple and then we each are in one for just women or men as the case may be). All these things plus your abundant prayers have sustained us on this journey and we feel strengthened to keep on going. Last weekend Joe and I were both down but then we sang in church on Sunday and that helped a lot. Monday, Joe called the doctor about his ascites and swelling in his feet and he had an ultrsound on Wednesday. Following that, they did a paracentesis (put a needle in his abdomen) and drained out two liters of fluid. They couldn't get it all but is was a big improvement. Then Thursday, he saw Dr. Schubert, his internist, and he put him on a mild diuretic for the swelling in his feet and it should also help with the ascites. He had chemo Thursday afternoon so he has had a busy week with doctors. Next week he will be off and he loves that. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous this week and we hve spent a lot of time just sitting on the deck talking and watching the golfer and the birds. The verse "Be still and know that I am God " comes to mind often when we are out there.
tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate, The fishing trip is planned for two weeks from now and it looks like it is a go. Again, thanks for all your support. We didn't know this journey would be this long but we are so grateful to God for the time he has given us. God Bless Mary Anne

july 17,2008

2008-07-17T22:48:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well things continue to move along. Joe played 18 holes of golf Tuesday and although he didn't score well he was happy to be out there. We also played 9 holes yesterday in the couples league. His bilirubin went back down to normal last week when he had his chemo so the onc thought it was elevated due to his urinary tract infection. He still has the fluid in his abdomen (ascites) and now has developed swollen feet and ankles. From what I read on the cc website the two chemo products he is on are working well for some of the patients. As long as it keeps the tumors from growing we will be happy. Joe continues to have his queasy stomach but not everyday and no pain so that is a blessing. He doesn't have much stamina and some days he does nothing but sleep. This jouney gets tedious at times but then someone calls or we get a card or spend time with friends, our spirits are lifted. Tonight we played bridge with Denny and Joanne for the first time in about 10 years and it was amazing how much Joe remembered and we actually did well. It was a change from hand and foot which we still love. We can't talk as much in bridge but it was a nice evening. We brought Lucky with us and he visited their dog Piper. They didn't play but they didn't fight either so that was good.
We sing together on the worship team this Sunday at church and that is always a good time. Our kids are busy going on vacations in the next week but we will squeeze in a BBQ on Saturday before some of them leave. Hope you are all enjoying the beautiful summer weather and the time to be with your families. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

July 9, 2008

2008-07-09T11:49:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
We just got back from a ten day trip to Ohio and New Jersey. We spent the first few days in Ohio with our son Michael, Heidi and the kids. Got to watch them in a swim meet and it was great fun. We left our dog Lucky there and traveled to the Jersey shore to see our diving friends, Bob and Diane, and we had a great four days there. Well, 4th of July was a little exciting. Joe spliked a temp of 102.8 so we called the onc. on call and she had us go to the ER in case Joe was septic again. As it turns out, he has a urinary tract infection so got IV antibiotic in the Er and sent home with oral meds. Diane stayed with us through the whole thing which took about 4 hours ( not bad for a holiday in the ER) while Bob was at home cooking our meal which we never ate. Bob is a gourmet cook and he made lunches, appetizers and meals the whole time we were there with luscious desserts while we lounged around and sat on the deck and watched the ocean. We played cards,(hand and foot) afternoon and evening and we ended up guys 5 wins, girls 4 (at least in my recollection) That is better than we did in Bonaire by a long shot so we were happy. It was very relaxing and Joe is feeling much stronger but the antibiotics are messing with his stomach. He will get chemo tomorrow is all goes well. His bilirubin is climbing a little to 3.3 so we have to watch and see if the stent is working well. We had uneventful drives all the way along except everytime I took the wheel we had torrential downpours. Of course Joe couldn't sleep with me driving in that kind of weather but we had good times and good talks. God has been so good to us to give us all this time and we sure appreciate all of it. It appears this jouney is going to have crises along the way and we just have to go with the flow and take one day at a time. We are now almost two years into the diagnosis (July 26th) and he probably had it at least a year before that. He is still planning on a short fishing trip to Canada with our son, Michael and two grandsons in August. But for now we are home for a month enjoying the flowers and the nice weather and family and friends. God bless you all. Mary Anne

June 26th, 2008

2008-06-26T18:43:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
We got what we think is great news today about the cat scan. The report showed no change in the lungs, liver and spleen from three months ago. They didn't shrink but they didn't grow and if that would stay that way we would be thrilled. Joe has only had 4 Gemzar IV treatments and four cycles of Xeloda so it is early for us to see much results from that. Joe's body still doesn't like the Gemza and it plays havoc with his blood counts. His platelets were back down to 41,000 today but he got half a dose of Gemzar. We are going to aim for every two weeks and see if that works. He was able to play 18 holes of golf this week for the first time (he has only played 9 up til now) and he wans't exhausted when he was done.
We leave Saturday for a 10 day trip to Ohio to watch our grandchildren swim in a meet and visit with Mike and Heidi and then on to Barnegut Light N.J. to visit our dive friends Bob and Diane for the July 4th weekend. We will leave Lucky in Ohio with Mike's family. That should be fun. They have a great dane, a bichon and two cats. Lucky won't be bored, that's for sure. We will stop and pick him up on our way back home- at least that is what we told them! Just kidding. We are so thankful to God for all this blessed time we have together with family and friends. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. We love you all and pray for you too. God Bless Mary Anne

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

2008-06-19T08:15:00.003-05:00

Hi Friends.
Joe was able to have his IV chemo on Monday as his counts were all back up. We thought so because he was much stronger the last week. We slipped away to Michigan for three days and played golf and some cards and just relaxed. It was great. Joe had a cat scan yesterday to see what is happening inside and we will get the results next Thursday when we see the oncologist again. The weather here is beautiful in the 70's and sunny so we are enjoying the deck and Joe is enjoying the convertible every chance he gets. I took a bike ride with the Carillon bike club Tuesday and it was so nice to get out in nature. We rode along the I & M Canal in Channahon and saw lots of wildlifeand I met some new friends.
Lucky, our maltese, backslid a little in his barking when we got back to class but one minute with the trainer and I saw I wasn't being firm enough. He did fine the rest of the class. He is such a cutie, he brings a lot of joy to our household.
Our prayer requests this week is for good results from the cat scan showing that the chemo is working. Joe has no visible side effects except he is exhausted two days after the IV chemo. It does play havoc with his blood counts but they do come back up so that is a good thing. He has been on the oral Xeloda 4 different weeks now. God bless you all and enjoy this nice weather. Mary Anne

June 9, 2008

2008-06-09T14:56:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Everything is fine. It seems when things are not good I get around to it easier asking for prayers. Joe was due to get chemo last Friday but his platelets were only 44,000 so no go. He will try again a week from today. The gemcitibine really knocks the heck out of his bone marrow. His hemoglobin hangs around 9+ so he gets procrit each week. I think I wrote that he had the catheter replaced with a stent and he had a slight fever the following weekend after that, so was put on antibiotics but no fever now. He did play nine holes of golf last week and that went fine. We also took a short bike ride but it all seeemed uphill to Joe. I am back to my swimming after a two week break and it feels good to be back in the water. Joe's garden is planted and so far the rabbits are leaving it alone. We just love sitting on the deck and watching the golfers and the birds and just relaxing. Hope you are all enjoying the summer that has finally come. Joe probably won't have a scan until next month to see how things are working. Our Maltese ,Lucky, stated obedience class last week and he barked through the whole first session. I was afraid we were going to get kicked out of class but he did much better today with the help of a squirt bottle from one of the assistants. It was just water but it stopped him from barking right away. Hopefully I can take him on walks now without him trying to terrrorize the dogs he passes. Anyhow, enjoy you day and God Bless . Mary Anne

May 27th, 2008

2008-05-27T20:56:00.002-05:00

What a wonderful life!
Well friends, we are back from Phoenix and our trip was uneventful medically which is a great thing. Our river raft trip in the canyon was cancelled due to high winds and the day turned out to be pretty poor weather wise, but we still had a good time and spent a lot of the week with our daughter Karen and her boyfriend Mark. We played lots of cards, ate too much food and laughed a lot. Joe walked everyday and is much stronger for it. We left Phoenix on Saturday and got home Saturday night about 10. All our in-town kids and the Michael Coburns from Ohio were there. We knew they were coming in for a short weekend with us. What we didn't know was what they were bringing. As some of you know Heidi was diagnosed with Carcinoid cancer last November and so Mike decided to buy her the sports car she has wanted for awhile. It is a red Honda L2000 which may mean something to some of you. Well, the surprise was, they gave it to Joe to drive for the summer. Those of you who know Joe, know that he has always loved sports cars but never had one. They had spotlights on it in the garage and a big blue bow when they opened the garage doors. Joe was almost speechless - not quite! He had the biggest smile on his face this weekend that we have seen in a long time. Of course, everyone had to have a ride in it and the weather cooperated beautifully for plenty of rides (at $4.00 a gallon). Joe played golf with our two sons and grandson on Sunday (9 holes) and he wasn't exhausted when he came home like he was 10 days ago. I think the walking is really helping strengthen him.
Today he went for an ERCP to replace the biliary catheter with a metal stent (which should last 6-8 months). He no longer has a tube sticking out of his abdomen. The procedure went very well. They did find a small ulcer which they biopsied so he will start on a med to reduce the acid in his stomach. He is resting today but is pretty comfortable except for a bit of a sore throat which is how they gained access to the area. We went back to Dr. Parsons at Northwest Community on the recommendation of our oncologist. Everyone seems to know he is the best in the area but he is a very humble man. That's it for now. Hopefully we can post a picture of Heidi and Joe in front of the car when we get it. We know it was a sacrifice for Heidi to give it up after just getting it but she was very gracious about it and we are so thankful for the thoughtfulness of all our kids. We feel blessed that we can keep building memories with the kids and our friends. We did have lunch with our old friends the Presleys in Phoenix. They drove 4 hours one way just to see us and we surely appreciated the effort.
Joe will have his IV chemo again on Thursday. He has had two weeks of the oral with no side effects - another answer to prayer. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

We are in Phoenix!

2008-05-16T17:54:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well we made it to Phoenix to visit our daughter Karen for a week. the doctor visit yesterday was good. Joe's counts all went up, well the white and the Hgb. The platelets dropped a little more but the doctor said they would start to go up now because the treatment was 10 days ago. good news that his bilirubin is now 1.2, back in the normal range. He is still weak but other than that we are happy with the news. We have made an appointment with the GI guy at Northwest to put a stent in where his biliary catheter is on Tuesday May27th. Then he won't have an opening to the outside and less chance of infection. He also had his blood cultures repeated to make sure the sepsis was gone and they grew nothing so we are in the clear there. I guess I shouldn't say "we" but we re definitely in this journey together.
We had a smooth flight out arriving a little early and we have just had a good nap waiting for Karen to get home from work. We are going to our favorite Italian restaurant tonight, Baci's, which used to be in Plainfield, where we live, and moved to AZ. Karen's boyfriend Mark will be joining us (and for most of the week). We plan to drive to the Grand Canyon on Tuesday and take a 13 hour tour which includes a 5-7 mile float trip down the Colorado (?) River but we don't have to paddle so that is a good thing. Karen and Mark will join us on this also so we will get to spend some quality time with them. We planned the Grand Canyon trip thinking Karen had to work and then she decided to take the week off. We hope to visit our friends the Sullivans on Monday and see our friends the Presleys on Friday. They both used to live in Carillon with us and moved west a few years back. A few weeks ago I wasn't sure if we would be able to make this trip but God has really blessed us with recovery. We couldn't do it without all your prayers. Thanks so much for caring for us and about us. Thanks Ed for driving us to the airport this morning,. That made it much easier (and cheaper). Take care and God bless, Mary Anne

May 12th, 2008

2008-05-12T17:48:00.002-05:00

Well, today was supposed to be Joe's second Gemzar IV of chemo but his blood counts dropped way too low so he won't have any til we come back from Phoenix. His hemoglobin is 9, his white count is 1.2 and his platelets are only 68,000. So he got Procrit which helps build the red blood cells and Nulastin which helps build the white blood cells and the doctor will check him again on Thursday before we leave for Phoenix on Friday. Each time we see him we like him more. Joe has walked everyday and really feels stronger. The oncologist said that his patients who exercise have way less side effects than those who lay around. Joe told him his own goal of walk/run three miles in 8 weeks and he agreed with it.
Joe will play golf tomorrow with his golf league for the first time. The weather should be warmer and the sun always helps Joe feel better. We are looking forward to Phoenix. He finishes his first week of Xeloda tomorrow and will be off that for a week so we don't expect any more changes except good before we go away. Thanks for being there for us. It is nice to see and visit neighbors as we walk the neighborhood. Lucky,our Maltese, is learning some manners as we meet and greet people on the street but he is not so good with other dogs. He is going to obedience school next month so maybe that will help. He is a joy to have around and he doesn't run when we have him off the leash which is so great.
We are still trying to set up an appointment with Dr. Parsons to put a stent in where the catheter is in his bile duct but he wants to review the records from the hospitalization first. Will try to update before we leave for Phoenix. God Bless Mary Anne

May 7, 2008

2008-05-07T11:56:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Well thing are improving. Joe started chemo on Monday with Gemcitibine which he will get for two or three Mondays and then a week off. He started oral chemo with Xeloda yesterday and will be on that, one week on, one week off. So far no side effects but is it early. His bilirubin came down to 2 which is the lowest it has been since he was jaundiced. His blood counts are all good although a little low. His platelets came up to 143,000 which is great. Yesterday was a beautiful day and we walked outside for a half hour. That was a big effort for Joe but he definitely feels he is getting stronger. He has had work started on planting his garden and he is really looking forward to that happening. His favorite thing to do is sit on the deck and look out at the pond, the golfers, the gardens. It is a bonus if our neighbors Ed and Jayne are around and they stop over to chat. He even went all day yesterday with no nap!
Please pray for shrinkage of the tumors and that soon he can get rid of the catheter in his bile duct and switch to an internal stent. People with cc have seen some good results with this chemo combination and we are hoping Joe will get a good response with few side effects. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

May 2, 2008

2008-05-02T21:04:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Joe is doing much better this week. He has been walking some each day outside and he has lost 13 pounds of fluid naturally since he came home from the hospital. He probably has about 5 more pounds. If all goes well and the counts are good, he will start chemo on Monday. He is planning on having his gardens planted in the next ten days and he is really looking forward to that. He loves to sit on the deck and watch the golfers and see his flowers. We had friends from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City stop by Wednesday night and they stayed over and prayed with Joe and I on Thursday. What a great way to start the day. Thanks for all the wonderful get well cards and birthday cards. Your thoughts and prayers mean so much to us. I went to the support group for people with metastatic cancer and their caregivers. I learn something new each time I go and I find it really helpful. We have a quiet weekend ahead of us and that is fine. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

visit with oncologist

2008-04-28T15:58:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
We saw Dr. Suh, the oncologist this afternoon and he seemed unsurprised at how weak Joe was and that he was retaining fluid in his abdomen. He said this was all a result of the infection and all the IV's he got in the hospital. He was happy with the blood counts. His platelets are back to 59 from 38 and his HGB is 10.8. Hi bilirubin is still a little high at 3.8 but he thinks that is due to the infection. He wants to start chemo again next Monday if Joe continues to improve. He wants him to exercise every day to sweat the toxins out of his body. So, things are going the right way and our goal is to be able to get to Phoenix the middle of May for a week to visit Karen. We are hoping for warm air and sunshine so he can walk outside but we do have a workout area in the clubhouse. The IV antibiotics finish tomorrow and he has already started on the oral. Life will then look more normal without the medical equipment in the bedroom.
Love to you all. Thanks for all your emails and comments. God Bless Mary Anne

Happy Birthday Joe

2008-04-26T06:38:00.002-05:00

Hi Friends,
Today is Joe's 68th birthday and he is coming home this morning. The home care nurse will be here to show me how to do the IV antibiotics for the next three days and then he will switch to oral. His spirits are great and that has to be all the prayers. He walked the hall of the hospital several times yesterday and even did two flights of stairs with P.T. His hemoglobin is up to 10 and his white count is back to normal. He got more platelets yesterday and they will do another blood count before he leaves.
We will be so happy to have him home. The "we" being Lucky and me. The kids will come over for a short visit this afternoon and bring dinner. This was a rough week and we did lots of praying at the bedside. We felt supported by all your prayers and can't thank you enough for being our friends. For the first few days, I again ask for your to use our cell phones. That way if Joe is sleeping the phone won't wake him. He is one of those people who can't just let it ring. Hugs and kisses to all of your - our devoted friends. God Bless Mary Anne

Wednesday April 23, 2008

2008-04-23T16:58:00.002-05:00

Praise God for some good news! The colonoscopy was clear - showed nothing which was a relief. Our fear was that there was tumor causing the internal bleeding. This is not the case. He won't have any more tests at this point. It appears the bleeding has stopped because his blood count is stable. He got platelets today and he will get shots for his low white blood count daily. He will be on IV antibiotics for two more weeks, but will be able to go home sooner than that when he is stable. This was a gram negative bacillus which is a serious blood infection. But he appears to be out of the woods. Thanks so much for all your prayers and calls. Joe looks and sounds better today than he has since he got here. He is really looking forward to his first meal in three days - he had to fast because of various tests. We'll continue to keep you posted.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

2008-04-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

Joe had an endoscopy this morning and it showed no ulcer. Colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow. He does have a blood infection, probably due to the catheter in the bile duct. Please pray for a spirit of hope and courage. He is still in intensive care so we'd like to limit visitors to family only to give him a chance to rest. Thanks for your prayers.

April 21, 2008

2008-04-21T10:00:00.003-05:00

Hi - this is Karen writing for my mom. Dad had his first chemo last Thursday. He didn't have any nausea from it, but by Saturday he was feeling pretty weak. Sunday night he spiked a fever of 102 and had indications of internal bleeding so they went to the emergency room. His hemoglobin was 7 so they gave him two units of blood and admitted him to intensive care. This morning his hemoglobin was up to 9.9. His chest xray and urine were clear of infection so they think the temp might be caused by an infection of the catheter in his bile duct. He will probably be moved out of intensive care today. He is on 3 IV antibiotics to take care of the infection. We will keep you updated but please pray with us for strength and healing to get through this.

Karen