I'm not really here now :)

Catch me on my NEW blog site: http://www.scubadiversnowbird.blogspot.com/
(this blog will remain here)

-Mary Anne

December 16, 2009

Dear Friends,
Even thogh the death certificate says the 17th, Joe really died late one year ago today. The nurse just couldn't get here before midnight. Today has been hard day for me. I went down in his workshop yesterday to get something and was reminded how he spent each year at this time making something out of wood for family and friends and grandchildren. I straightened up a few things in there and sometime when Michael was here over Thanksgiving he vacuumed up all the wood shavings. I didn't notice it until yesterday.

I went to the hardware store today to get light bulbs and a furnace filter and some extension cords and was reminded that these were usually Joe's trips. He loved the hardware stores and knew the cashier at Ace by name. He also knew what aisle everything was in unlike me.

I just finished rereading the blog for the last few days of his life and he was such a brave man right up to the end. Karen and I were talking the other day and we commented that we didn't always appreciate all his qualities while he was alive but we sure miss them now.

Christmas was always his favorite time of year because he loved giving. If you want to hear his favorite Christmas carol sung by Joe and our son Kevin, just scroll down the side of the blog to "O Holy Night". They did this 6 months after he was diagnosed in 2006. I don't think at that time we knew if he would make it another Christmas.

I have been sustained this year through by siblings, long time friends and my small groups from church. I also continue to go to my grief group at Wellness House which is wonderful.

I know one year is not the end and I am so thankful for all the blessings this year has brought me. Being able to care for others who are ill has been very fulfilling. God has shown me he isn't finished with me yet and is allowing me to use my gifts in a different way.

May the peace of Christ be in your hearts as it is in mine during this time.

God bless.
Mary Anne