Leaving again

Michael here. I have been lucky enough to be here since Tuesday the 18th. Heidi, the kids and I leave today for Ohio. I consider this all bonus time with my family. I told my dad that I did not mind saying goodbye 2 times and he said he had the count up to 5 or 6 times! I think we have cleaned out every room, looked at every picture in the house, replaced a dishwasher, created a leak, used every tool in the wood shop I could figure out how to work, broke a computer fixed it then broke the other. Don't worry, Mom still has internet!

This is an unpredictable journey. My dad is still having lucid moments, still sleeping a lot, still getting a bit confused on what day it is and still not in any real pain other than a bit of back pain from laying in a hospital bed for 2 weeks. I asked him how he slept last night and he said considering my current state, not bad. Thanks for reading, commenting and supporting us as a family during this. I know it will be much harder to be away than to be here.

Sleepy day Posted on Friday night...late.

I was home with Dad most of the day while the girls went to the bridal shower for Karen. It was a very quiet day with the two little white dogs he likes sleeping on the bed with him until his nurse came, the cleaning lady came and finally his nurse's assistant came. Each one of those produced a cacophony of yippy barking and running across dad and off the bed. He survived those and slept until late tonight. Then he had an awake period. His nurse says he has a strong will. He told his nurse today that what is happening to him in the grand scheme of things is really not too bad considering all the worse things going on out there in the world. This is our new normal. It is taking some getting used to. We were lucky to have had a very real dad tonight directing us singing barbershop tags (song endings), demanding perfection. What might have irritated us as kids our youth learning these songs was quite fun. He made us re-start the song 3 times ...too fast, too loud, build slower etc. It was great. At one point, we told him that he had never taught us that before...he said I have not taught you everything. When these moments happen, you cherish it, wonder if it is the last and then say goodnight. Goodnight.

A Father's Blessing on Thanksgiving

Joe's daughter, Karen writing here. A few days ago I went in to say goodnight to Dad and when I did he started to cry. I asked him what he was feeling and he said he was sad. I said about the wedding? He said yes. A few days later, I asked him if we could do the beginning part of the ceremony, the part where he gives me away. I told him that was his role and I wanted to know if he would do that. I've been wondering if he needs that to be able to let go.

So, this morning, my parent's pastor, Earl, came over. He gave a short intro saying that it is tradition to have the father give his daughter away. So not knowing if Dad would make it to the wedding we wanted to have Dad give me away this morning. Our whole family was gathered in the bedroom (all 18 of us). Earl asked Dad the traditional question "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" and Dad answered "her mother and I do" with clarity, strength and emotion in his voice.

Then Earl prayed a blessing. It was a very special time together that we will all remember. I am so glad to have shared that with my dad. I have complete peace about our wedding. I have shared with him that picturing him up in heaven with the Father gives me great joy. My dad has always been so affirming of me. I know that on that day he will look down from heaven and smile with pride and he and the Father will share delight. My dad's heart for me has always been a picture of my heavenly Father's love for me. So while I would have loved for him to be at our wedding, I find great comfort thinking about him free from cancer, with no discomfort, totally healed and whole.

We have so much to be thankful for today. I am grateful for a father whose love I've never questioned. He has supported me my whole life. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and for the incredible community of people who are standing with us praying for us. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Karen

Tying the Leaves? Click here to listen

Posted in the right hand column and here is a link and photo related to the song "I'm Tying the Leaves" recorded by my dad's quartet the SoundTracks in 1973 or so. It seems appropo now as we are at the end of the fall. Hope you enjoy.

Christmas lights

We put up more Christmas lights today and I even figured out how to anchor down the wooden reindeer out front just like dad used to do it. He gave some positive encouragement from his bed positioned in the front window. I am cleaning out his woodworking shop of about 75 lbs of sawdust. I am not kidding. We are going to keep the shop intact, it is quite the set up and I think we will find uses for it. Dad has been awake enough today for us to sit with him and listen to Barbershop recordings. Specifically we listened to the SoundTracks which he sang lead for in the 1970's. They sounded amazing and he sang along. He told us...listen to this chord, modulation etc. Those are the soundtracks of our life. We listened to a lot of Barbershop. It never sounded so sweet as this morning. Then the last song I played for him was from Don Bagley's quartet, "The Chiefs of Staff". The song is Memory from the musical Cats. Dads face just lit up with emotion when it came on. We both loved it. We are now watching the Ball State football game. He is operating the remote so he must be feeling a bit up. I think he likes the comfort of the television which is something he enjoyed when he was well. Now he is asleep again.

Another quiet day

Hi Friends,
Joe continues to hang on. The hospice nurse thinks he is trying to make it to the wedding which seems impossible from our standpoint and hers. His jaundice is severe. He did eat a little today after not eating for two days. We did not get our quality time we have had in the evening tonight but we had about an hour. Karen and I did go to workout this morning and I think that was my first time out of the house in 8 days. Michael put the wooden reindeer out on the lawn today but we don't know how Dad made them stand up in the wind. I am sure we are going to encounter problems like this frequently as we try to do the tasks he did. Today Michael and Kevin installed a new dishwasher for us. Why didn't they tell me my dishes haven't been clean for a long time? Anyway it was one more problem taken care of by the kids. That is so helpful to me. I just let Kevin pick it out for me Saturday and pick it up today. The nurse will be back on Wednesday and we will see what she has to say then. For now I will just say goodnight and God Bless. Mary Anne

A Peaceful Day

Hi Friends,

We continue to gather as a family watching as Joe gets more and more sleepy each day. He is now only taking a small amount of liquids and no real food but is still not in any pain. We thank our neighbors and small group for providing meals the last several days. Its been a big help. Karen and I were able to go to church this morning while Michael and Cassie stayed with Joe. Joe can no longer summon the energy to talk on the phone when the many friends from over the years have called in to send their wishes. We are relating all of your sentiments to him and he is truly touched. While the Chicago Bears did get a victory today, Joe only saw about 5 minutes of it. Thankfully they scored on their opening drive. We continue to be sustained by your prayers and warm wishes. God Bless, Mary Anne.

One Solitary Life

Karen here... tonight we were just sitting around and I decided to go on the blog and listen to "O Holy Night" with my dad and brother, Kevin singing. My dad has always loved that song. Of course, I ended up in a puddle. Just seeing him looking so well and singing so beautifully made me realize how much I already miss him. While he is still having times where he is awake and engaged, he is much subdued and has trouble getting his words together at times. Anyway... all this got me thinking about Christmas and how much Dad loves this time of year. For a long time, every Christmas, Dad would read "One Solitary Life". I'd like to share it with you. For those of you who know Dad personally, you can imagine him reading this with great emotion and dramatic affect:

He was born in a stable in an obscure village.
From there He traveled, less than 200 miles.
He never won an election,
He never went to college,
He never owned a home,
He never had a lot of money.
He became a nomadic preacher,
Popular opinion turned against Him,
He was betrayed by a close friend,
And His other friends ran away.
He was unjustly condemned to death,
Crucified on a cross among common thieves,
On a hill overlooking the town dump,
And when dead, laid in a borrowed grave.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone,
Empires have risen and fallen,
Mighty armies have marched,
And powerful rulers have reigned.
Yet no one has affected men as much as He,
He is the central figure of the human race,
He is the Messiah, the Son of God,
Jesus Christ.

My dad has never been a man shy to show emotion. This poem often made him cry. He loves the Lord and the way this poem expressed it always touched him. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

Karen

It's Saturday...Finally.

Last Tuesday, my dad groaned when he was told it was Tuesday. My mother asked him if he was getting impatient with God? No he said. She asked what day he wished it was? He said "Saturday!". Why?... FOOTBALL. It has been a pretty quiet day today here in Plainfield. I took a break from a lot of activity to just sit and watch the Notre Dame game with my dad. He has been much quieter today with fewer alert and connected moments. He did seem to perk up when I brought him a cold Starbuck's Mocha Frappaccino (one of his favorites). I brought a glass in with me along with the bottle so we could share it. His eyes lit up so much when I showed him the bottle that it was not long before I heard the empty gurgling sound of the straw in the bottom of the bottle before I had managed to pour my half. He watched portions of the game when he was awake and the same goes for me. I thought the Irish were going to put up a victory no problem for him as they were leading 23-10 at one point. Unfortunately, they lost by a point when they missed their shot for a winning 53 yard field goal with seconds remaining. When the ball was placed on the 35 yd line for the field goal attempt, I wondered outloud... how long is this kick. Dad quickly said 53 yards. Dad did not seem too concerned about it and we did enjoy the game. He is a HUGE Notre Dame fan if you did not know it. He did not attend Notre Dame but probably would have loved to as he had hopes of being the drum major for the Band of the Fighting Irish as he was for his high school band at Catholic Central in Detroit. Thanks for all the comments and those who have signed as as followers of this blog. It is neat to see who is with us during this time. I know how I felt when I followed Valerie McCrea's battle with Cholangio Carcinoma through a blog which ended in April of 2007. It was very moving and I felt very connected with their story. The difference with Valerie is that she was the mother of 3 young boys all under age 10. That was when I first gained perspective on how different this disease could have been for Dad and our family. What if he had been diagnosed when he was 37? I still hate to see the life taken out of him, but I remain forever thankful that I have had him for this long. He is very peaceful at this time.

He's waiting for Joe

This morning I got a call from Liz Springer, the wife of Joe's longtime childhood friend, Pete Springer. She called to share that Pete had died suddenly and peacefully in his recliner watching television this morning. Joe and Pete went to Precious Blood grade school together in Detroit and played basketball together as early as 5th grade and remained friends throughout high school playing in the band together and Pete was our best man in our wedding (photo August 29, 1964). Liz and Pete stayed in touch with us throughout our lives through Christmas cards, calls and the occassional visit. Pete called Joe last week to say goodbye and was very upset with the whole situation. Joe spoke with Liz today and shared a cry as they both remembered their friend. I told Joe that Pete would be waiting for him in heaven. It is neat to picture the two of them together again reunited through the wisdom of God's timing.

You look wonderful tonight

Maybe it is just us, but we think Dad looks wonderful tonight. This is him about 8 p.m. tonight. We spent another good hour with him after a very quiet and restful day. We sang, talked, cried and sang some more. We again had Mom, Cassie, Michael, Karen and Kevin in the house. We even sang some barbershop tags and the one song we know - America the Beautiful. We actually got the harmony right. This stuff was taught to us by our dad from about 1977.

I watched the Georgia Tech vs Miami game with him for a while as well. Another special night.

Comments and Followers Welcome

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Another quiet day here in Plainfield. Dad is sleeping a lot but when he wakes up and talks, he is still dad, although he struggles to find the words to express what is going on in his mind. Frustrating for a guy who had one of the best commands of the english language.

Dad loves a sunset

Thanks to my mom for letting me be a guest blogger here again. Rather than just give updates, I like to also share some of my thoughts. I don't know anyone who appreciates scenery and photos without people in them as much as my dad, Joe. In selecting this sunset shot over Klein Bonaire he took, I had many to chose from. For more than a decade this is the winter view my parents have enjoyed together in Bonaire to get through those tough, long and dark Chicago winters. I really am thankful for the ability to appreciate nature, vistas and natural beauty that my father has given to me. I imagine that this will be just one of the many reminders that will keep him close to me after he has left this world. As to his current state, he is a joy to be in the room with. I can't get enough of him. So much so that we have started to get on his nerves as we all just hang around him and it is tough to sleep when everyone wants to chat. Some moments he doesn't seem there and then others, he seems like he could go down in the basement and work on a woodworking project with me which was another of his passions. Many would wonder if it is tough to see your dad like this in the sunset of his life? I guess the answer is on the one hand yes, on the other... as long as he is not in pain, I will take as much of him as I can get. Some of you may not know this, but my dad lost his dad to cancer when he was 22. I am so thankful for the incredible time I have had for an adult relationship with my dad, that he never had with his. When I see a pretty sunset, smell pine needles or see deer wandering in a field my mind will always go to thoughts of my dad, pointing these things out.

November 19, 2008

Last night Karen picked up Michael at 9pm. Cassie and Kevin were there and we all gathered around Joe. We had an hour of reminiscing and retelling Joe's quotes and jokes. He was very alert and engaged. It was a wonderful time filled with laughter. Karen's fiancee, Mark, called and Joe had a chance to talk with him which meant a lot. The men's bible study Joe has been a part of stopped by (with our permission) this morning to say a prayer and let him know how much he's meant to them. Afterwards I said to him "I don't know anyone who has as many friends as you". He has loved so many - so well during his life. It is evident at this time when so many want to pour out their love back to him. He is very much at peace and still has no pain. We're enjoying every minute we have. Thanks for your continued prayers.

God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 18, 2008

Hi Friends,
Last night I went out to get a shower present for our daughter and three of our children were here with Joe. He was so funny yesterday we were laughing with him. Today he is even more sleepy and his speech is slurred without any medication. At this time I think we need to request that only family visit. Although Joe is always happy when someone comes, it takes a lot of energy for him to engage and even at that he can only stay awake for a minute or two. We're so thankful for all of your support and prayers. We have felt it so much on this journey.

Take care and God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 17, 2008

My Dear Friends,

The hospice nurse just left a bit ago and she said that she sees even more changes. His lungs are starting to get congested. As the toxins in his body build up because of his liver, it becomes more difficult for him to process what he'd like to say. But his sense of humor is still very much alive! Mary, the nurse, said she can tell he is at peace. Right now Joe is sleeping with Lucky at his side. The nurse suggested no visitors today so he could rest. We estimated he had about 50 visitors from Friday til Sunday night. What a great tribute to Joe and how many lives he's affected.

Karen was supposed to leave this afternoon but Joe looked at her this morning and said "I think you should stay" so she is going to do that. Michael is flying back in tomorrow night so the kids will all be in town.



Over the last few weeks, God has been giving me poems. I 'd like to share another with you that I wrote two weeks ago.



TIME TO SAY GOODBYE (10/31/08)

It’s almost time to say good bye
And a hard hard thing it is.
Please do not fear what is ahead,
Because only the physical is dead.

Heaven awaits you faithful friend,
When life on earth is at it’s end.
And you will be a favored guest,
Because on earth you followed your quest.

God Our Father, Jesus too,
The Holy Spirit will welcome you.
And you will experience the awaited prize,
And see the Trinity with perfect eyes.

And when you look down at us below,
Your only thoughts will be full of glow.
Because you will know and truly feel,
What it’s like at his feet to kneel.

So go my love and do not wait,
We have said let go, we know your fate.
We will be fine, as long as we know,
When we also die on your path we’ll go.


Take care and God bless,
Mary Anne

Golf tips

About 7 years ago, I stopped playing golf with my dad. I was more into running, swimming and cycling and I was not very good at golf. Plus, I hated getting golf tips from my dad when we played. I could take them from anyone but him, I don't know why that was. When Dad got diagnosed with CholangioCarcinoma some 28 months ago, I started playing rounds of golf with him when the chances came up. I even included my son, Connor in our last few outings. On our first round after learning of his cancer, I asked dad to start giving me tips again. I took as many of those as I could. I am still no good at golf, but I am richer for the rounds played with Dad.

Sunday November 16, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well Michael has gone back to Ohio so no more pictures. Yesterday was busy day. My sister Cath and Tim and family were in from Minnesota and my brother Rick and Bonnie and son were in from Arkansas. Everyone pitched in to help put up the Christmas tree for me as well as our little Dickens village which was always Joe's' project. We aren't sure it is in the right order on the table but when Joe got up for dinner he got to see it and he really like it. He is spending all his time in the hospital bed now. I don't think he will get up today at all. The elders from the church came and anointed him and gave him communion. He has been on the leadership board for the last two years with them. Karen stayed with Joe this morning while Cas and I went to church and guess what the message was on? Heaven. Is God's timing perfect or what! Joe is more sleepy today and is starting to get his words mixed up a little. This is to be expected with all the toxins in his body. He is still joking when he is awake. He had a chance to talk with Jason and Ryan, our two youngest grandchildren (7 & 9), today and told them not to be afraid of death, that it was part of living and he would see them in heaven. We were able to talk about the songs he wants at his service with him. Everything is very open which makes it a lot easier. We alternate talking about how much Joe has meant in our lives and preparations for the wedding.
The hospice nurse comes again tomorrow. Karen goes back to Phoenix tomorrow but will be back in for Thanksgiving if not sooner. We just go day to day and count on God's strength. He is always there for us. As I say almost every time but I mean it, thanks for all your prayers. I will try and update each day. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Visiting Joe

Saturday November 15, 2008

Karen Kevin
Michael Mary Anne Joe Cassie

November 14, 2008

Dear Friends, 

How do you know what to write in a situation like this? I am overwhelmed with the love of people for Joe. Yesterday we had friends we met diving who drove up from Memphis (8 Hours) just to spend two hours with Joe and say good bye. My brother Rick and his wife Bonnie flew in from Arkansas and their son Ricky picked them up and brought them here yesterday. My sister Cathy and family are coming in today from Minnesota. Also our daughter Karen that is getting married in 5 weeks flew in from Phoenix yesterday and surprised Joe. We had a special time when just our kids and their spouses were in the room with us and we prayed together and just told Joe how good an example he set about loving everyone no matter their walk in life. He spends most of his time in the family room which has been rearranged to accommodate the lift chair which is like an automatic lazy boy. Other family members are in the living room or kitchen. We have the computer down here with us and albums so we have done a lot of remembering and lots of laughing at what we used to look like. Mary, the hospice nurse came yesterday and although she kind of talked Joe into the hospital bed, he sure looked more comfortable in it than the regular bed when she came to see him. Joe is getting jaundiced now and she said he will get more confused as the toxins build up. We see just a slight bit of that now. He still has his sense of humor and really made an effort to talk with people as they were here yesterday. My two in town sisters, Ron and Trish ,were also here yesterday with their husbands. Today I think we will put up some indoor Christmas decorations. Joe loves Christmas and always enjoyed just looking at the Christmas tree all decorated. Michael and I put up some outdoor lights Thursday but we won't turn them on til Thanksgiving.

A couple nights ago when I couldn't sleep I started getting verses in my head. This has happened to me several times in the last month and I feel like Jesus is preparing me for the road ahead. I wanted to share one of them with all of you to let you now I am going to be OK.

Set Your Eyes on Him

In the middle of the night when your mind turns to fright,
Set your eyes on Him.
In the middle of the night, when there's no one else in sight,
Set your eyes on Him.
For when He is in your midst, and you feel the love within,
Then the fear that Satan brings has vanished in thin air.
I know He is around me, I can feel his presence near.
And now that I have named it, I can sleep without the fear.
Oh Jesus, how I love you, and need you by my side.
Through the troubled days ahead, in your words I will abide.
For I know You love me also, and will not abandon me.
And when the trial is over, many blessing I will see.
So stay with me my Saviour, my comfort and my guide.
Until my darling Joseph, is standing at your side.

I now understand the "peace that passes all understanding" because even though I cry a lot, I have a wonderful peace inside.

Thank you so much for your prayers. They have been answered in more ways than you know and I feel the grace surround us each day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

All together now.

Hi all,

This is Michael here, Joe's son. It now looks like all the kids will get together with Mom and Dad tomorrow, Friday to share a moment. Today I had each one of my children spend a minute with Grandpa. It was really special. Dad stopped and asked my youngest, Isabelle, "is this bothering you" she said "sort of". He said its alright and that everyone has to go through this and it will all be OK, it is part of living...dying. I was so touched that during a time like this he thought of her feelings and how she was doing. She told him how special he was to her and he said the same in return. As my brother Kevin and I sat and listened to Dad talk with the Hospice nurse, we could not get over how he was still such a joker. He really has handled this quite well which was his intention upon first being diagnosed. Thanks for all the support and interest in what is going on here. It is appreciated tremendously. I am posting another photo of my dad just three months ago in Canada, fishing and enjoying his grandsons and nature.

Thursday November 13, 2008

Hi Friends.
Well. hospice said today he is really declining fast which I saw in the last three days. He is very weak and can't walk to the bathroom anymore. He is becoming more short of breath with any exertion and he is running a temp. We have our son Michael and family in from Ohio now and Karen is flying in tomorrow. I have lots of support here and I got to cry with our two boys this afternoon after hospice left. My brother and sister are coming in this weekend as well as friends from Tennesee. Please pray that family gets here in time and that Joe goes peacefully. He is ready to meet his Savior. I hate to see him go but I know this is OK. Please don't send him any more emails because he doesn't check his email anymore. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 8, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well we made it home without event. Joe was really a trooper. He sat in the wheel chair in San Juan for 5 hours between flights and never complained. He hardly slept except a little on the plane but he slept really good last night. This morning he had to get up earlier that usual because hospice came early. He is all signed up now and the nurse will come either Monday or Tuesday. We still aren't sure about the draining of the fluid in his belly but we will talk to the nurse about it. It is not causing him pain or difficulty breathing but it is uncomfortable. We just got the handicap sticker for the car in the mail. That will make it easier if we go somewhere. This was a very difficult week saying good bye to everyone in Bonaire. You friends have been such a support to us, we just can't thank you enough. Although this part of the journey is difficult, there is also a peace that comes with it knowing the choices are now up to Joe and he doesn't have to go through any more procedures. Cassie and I are on our way to taste the food for the wedding this afternoon. If I am away and Joe is sleeping he probably won't answer the phone but just leave a message and I will get back to you. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 2, 2008

Hi Friends,
We are still in Bonaire and Joe is enjoying himself even tho he is sleeping til noon and lays on the couch all afternoon. He still likes being here and looking at the ocean. We go out to eat every other night just to get out and he can manage to sit up for a few hours and then he is really tired. The last two mornings I went diving on a boat dive before he got up and it was nice but not the same without him along taking pictures of everything he sees. We went down to the regular Friday evening Rum Punch party last night here at the resort and many staff and friends came to say helloand wish him well. It was hard for me to watch but good for him to see how many friends he has here. We did get up and dance to Ring Ting Ting, his favorite song by Moogie but only for a few minutes. It seemed like we were in slow motion but that is what we have done every Friday in Bonaire when we are here for the last twelve years.
Joe still has no pain but is very weak. The Pastor and two friends came over this afternoon and prayed with him.
We will leave here on Friday and have a long day home. I probably won’t write again til we get home unless something changes. Internet down here means carrying the computer about two blocks and working with dial up so it is fairly frustrating.
The wedding plans seem to be going along well. Many in the family are helping. It will probably get very busy when we get home but that is OK. The lack of stress here really helps us to recharge. God blesses us each day with his grace and the sunshine doesn’t hurt either. Haven’t gotten Joe on the beach yet but that isn’t important right now. Love to you all and God bless. Thanks for all your calls. Mary Anne P.S. I wrote this last night and copied it this morning but we had a wonderful surprise. Our friends Henk and Wilma who own the unit below us left a few days before we got here. When they read the blog they decided to fly back from Holland and see Joe while we were still here., You can't imagine our surprise when they walked in this morning. God is good - all the time. Joe couldn't believe they came just to see him. That's it for now.