Wedding Day!

Skreeeeeeech!!

Yesterday was a happy happy day. My sister, Karen, walked down aisle (the length of my parents' home) with my brother, Michael, humbly standing in for my father, to marry Mark Ashbrook. She was absolutely the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Mark was dashing as well and they wrote beautiful vows to each other. I felt like it made my wedding look like we just said "wanna?" "sure!". My mother was so happy and got choked up a few times. I'm not sure about her, but I was thinking how proud and happy my dad was watching it all and it was a shame not to see his face, but we all knew what it looked like. He waited so long for this day and it was just lovely. My daughter, Marianne, remarked in the car on the way to the reception, "No WAY does she look 40. She looked about 23. She looked beautiful!" Karen might be quick to point out that she is NOT 40 (yet).

At the reception, Mark, Kevin, Kirk, Michael and Matthew got up and sang "Happy Together" to Karen. They did a gorgeous acapella/barbershop harmony style and it blew my sister away. They had worked on it separately over the last month and instead of a bachelor party, they rehearsed it. Our very experienced DJ said he'd never seen anything like it. Ingenius idea, Mark!!

Here are a few of my pictures that captured a small part of the day.
I have to say, after the very eventful past few months, it feels like I can hear the brakes starting to squeel on this rollercoaster ride. Hopefully the dips will not be so low, but unfortunately, the heights of yesterday don't come around every day either.
Thanks for all your prayers and support through those dips and enjoying the high points with all of us.
Cassie

December 22, 2008

To all our Dear Friends,
It is impossible to express in words the caring and support you have all given me and the family during this difficult time. I have never felt so wrapped in love and prayer as I have this past week.

The service Saturday was such a testimony to how Joe loved and it just filled me with gratitude that we had him for so long. Our house is filled with flowers and food(lots of food) and it is just a constant reminder that I am not alone.

I made my first call for help yesterday at the grocery store to Carnevales' to ask what kind of spumante Joe got at Christmas. He had a much better memory than me. So many times each day I want to ask him things, or tell him things. That is the hardest part right now.

Michael's family went back home for a few days to celebrate Christmas and repack to come back for the wedding. They will be here for Christmas dinner. We will celebrate our usual Christmas on the 23rd with Joe's favorite dish - Beef Wellington. Hope we can get it right without him. Christmas Eve I will go to Cassie and Kirk's after our Christmas Eve service and spend Christmas morning with them. Kev and Tracy will do their Christmas at home and Mark and Karen will go to Mark's Mom's and then we will all get back here for Christmas dinner. Then for most of you, you can take a deep breath but for us we have the rehearsal dinner on the 26th and the wedding on the 27th. And we will celebrate that Joe can watch from heaven with his friends and family that are there and as Karen said at the service " stand next to our Heavenly Father and admire their beautiful daughter".

Again, I thank all of you for your gifts of love, prayer, food support and contributions to our church and hospice. I will pray that God will bless each of you in a special way this Christmas for sharing His love with us in a very tangible way. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Hebrews 6:10 "God is not unjust; he will not forget your work or the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."

Shoutin Time in Heaven

It is Michael now back in Ohio after two very full days in Plainfield. We had a beautiful ceremony celebrating my Dad's life and the impact he had on others. Thanks to all who reached out to us to let us know how he impacted your life. When you spend 41 years around someone you tend to take their gifts for granted. You know all their jokes etc. All of you helped bring those gifts back to life. Even though you were telling us things we already knew, it is so much sweeter coming from you. Many of you also shared directly to me how much the blog meant as well. It can be a risk to put it all out there but I know that the reward is in the sharing of feelings we all have.

The standing room only service had the right amount of respect, humor and celebration that dad would have wanted. My brother Kevin really gave us a gift when in addition to his beautiful guitar and singing on "All the Way My Saviour Leads Me" he threw in some measures from Dad's most requested "Freight Train" played fingerstyle on Kevin's guitar. One other moment from the service was when "Shoutin Time in Heaven" was played by the Hoppers (recording obviously). This was a long standing request from my dad that he had made before he was given his cancer diagnosis. I could hear the room collectively start to sob on this particular number.

Now this blog which all of us have come to know as a place to commune electronically, will grow quieter...but not silent. There is more to tell.

Coburn, Joseph A.

reprinted from the Chicago Tribune, Thursday December 18th, 2008

Joseph "Joe" A. Coburn, age 68, Wednesday Dec. 17, 2008 late of Plainfield, formerly of Woodridge. Beloved husband of Mary Anne Coburn; loving father of Cassie (Kirk) Moore, Michael (Heidi) Coburn, Karen Coburn, Kevin (Tracy) Coburn; cherished grandfather of eight; dear step brother of Robert, Ralph and Richard Bartholomew. Preceded in death by his parents Victor and Irene Coburn. Visitation Friday 4 to 9 p.m. at the Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townshall Dr. in Romeoville. Funeral Saturday, Dec 20, 2008 10 a.m. at the funeral home chapel. Service concludes at the funeral home. Friends who wish may make donations to Community Christian Church or Joliet Area Community Hospice, 250 Water Stone Circle, Joliet, IL 60431.

The family welcomes comments here or at the Chicago Tribune Guest Book.

Home at Last

Dear Friends.

Joe finished his journey on earth and went to be with the Lord last night about 11. Cassie and I were both with him and were able to hold him at the end. We will miss him terribly but we know he is free now.

The visitation will be Friday from 4-9 P.M. and funeral will be Saturday at 10 A.M.
Both will be held at Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townhall Drive, Romeoville,60446.

Should friends desire, contributions can be made to Community Christian Church (http://www.communitychristian.org/locations/carillon/)
or Joliet Area Community Hospice.
( http://www.joliethospice.org/donations.shtml)

Our prayer requests now are that the out of town children can make it in without weather related problems as the forecast is not very good. How do I thank all of you for your prayers and support? Just know that I ask God to bless you in a special way this Christmas for reaching out to us in our time of need. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 16, 2008

Dear Friends,
Hospice was just here and time is drawing near. His vital signs are dropping. I was reading the Psalms to Joe this morning and several verses really seemed appropriate.

Psalm 61 , vs 1-3
Hear my cry, O Lord;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

And Psalm 63 , vs 1

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the santuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because youre love is better than life, my lips will glorify you
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

We both got a good night sleep last night thanks to the increase in medicine. Please pray for comfort in the next hours. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 15, 2008

Dear Friends,
Hospice was here today and Joe's vital signs remain the same as Friday although he is visibly weaker and less present to us each day. We have increased the medicine to keep him comfortable. Thanks for your phone calls. If I don't pick up it is because I forgot to bring my cell phone in the bedroom or I'm trying to nap. Last night was an awake night so I think I'll turn in early tonight if possible. There is not much else to tell today. We are 12 days from the wedding. Karen and Mark will be in a week from Wednesday if not sooner. Plans are finalizing nicely. Good thing I am not responsible for much. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

International House of Prayer (click here)

Hi Friends,
I thought you might want to know about the International House of Prayer. Karen's best friend,Kelli, who will be her maid of honor works with them in Kansas City. She is also the one Karen was a missionary with in Russia and with the Navigators in Colorado. Anyway, last year on our way to Phoenix for alternative treatments, we stopped at IHOP (nice initials huh?) and spent some time with Kelli and in the prayer room and the healing room. The organization has 24 hour prayers and worship 7 days a week. When I am having a tough time or just anytime I want to be filled I go to the website and let the words fill me. You can click on International House of Prayer (title) to see what it is about.
Not much changed overnight. Joe is comfortable but not really aware of his surroundings. I decided this morning that maybe God is trying to teach me patience and trust. The kids and my siblings are constantly there by phone as well as our friends. I am so thankful for all our friends and for the blog to be able to keep in touch with all of you. When I feel up to it, it will be my job to write the Christmas letter this year and I think I will just post it on the blog. All who read this blog are involved in our life some way and I treasure the friendships. Although Joe was the flamboyant one in our relationship I was right behind him in living life fully and I learned a lot from him in how to let the child out to play.
Have a blessed quiet day in this busy season and know that I am thanking God for your friendships and support in this journey. God Bless. Mary Anne

December 13, 2008

Hi Friends,
Another quiet day. Cassie was with me this morning and my friend Jeannie stopped over this afternoon. Joe has been sleeping all day and seems much more comfortable. It was a very blustery sort of day out today and I was glad I didn't have to go anywhere. The usual hubbub at this time of year has just passed me right by. In a way I'm glad but it feels funny not to shop and wrap and count to make sure everyone has the same amount, etc. We decided not to exchange with the kids this year and just give to the grandchildren. I didn't realize how many Christmas CD's we had until I started sorting through them to play them for Joe. Earlier in the week he would smile when one came on he liked but now there is no response. I know he can still hear so I think the music is soothing. Joe loved music and singing among other things and this is the only one I can bring into the room right now. We continue to pray for his journey on earth to be finished. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Friday December 12, 2008

Hi Friends,
Thanks to those of you who email me rather than comment on the blog. It took me awhile to figure out the blog and some of you want your comments to be private. I love them wherever they are. I cherish your thoughts and your prayers. My sister Trish was with me most of the day. The hospice nurse and aide were here also. the nurse said his blood pressure is falling some and his pulse is rising a little. Those are both expected signs of changes. Joe is no longer able to drink from a straw or communicate. We put a pain patch on him today that will work for three days. He isn't having any specific pain but just seems uncomfortable any time we move him. I promised to keep him comfortable and hospice is very good at helping me make decisions about medications. I pray with him each day and ask Jesus to take him if it is time and tell Joe is it OK to go. He is no longer aware of time or asking what day it is so I think that is good.
On a lighter note, Lucky our dog seems completely recovered from whatever was hurting him. I wonder if maybe the injections he got in his neck hit a nerve that went to his shoulder and now that is OK. He is still on an antibiotic for his sore throat but he never leaves Joe's bed except to go out.
I know many of your are busy with shopping and parties and I appreciate you taking time to check in with the blog each day and pray for us. I am mostly at peace except for a meltdown once or twice a day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

Phone Calls

Hi All,
Karen writing here. I told Mom last night I would update the blog and then forgot...sorry. Things are pretty much the same in Chicago. Mom is doing well and has had enough folks around helping that she's been able to get out when she needs to. Dad is resting comfortably and sleeping most of the time. And Lucky, the faithful maltese is doing much better.

(click photo for larger view)

I've been back in Phoenix a week now working hard to get ready for moving, the wedding, the holidays etc. It was really hard coming back, but then after a day or so, I adjusted. There's so much to do it was easy to jump in. But yesterday as I was running errands, the thought struck me...I'll never have another phone conversation with Dad again. That may sound odd - why a phone call? Why not a hug? Or a dinner? Or a Christmas? Well, I've been in a different city from my folks for over 10 years now. Typically I would talk to my Mom on the phone and if she wasn't home, Dad would answer. Besides seeing Dad in person this was the only time I'd really talk to him on the phone. He wasn't much of a phone talker. But 2 1/2 years ago when Dad was diagnosed, he called me and told me "it's bad news honey, it's cancer."

In the days that followed there was so much going on that I began calling every morning on my way to work. Sometimes I had a specific question or wanted to know a test result. Other times I had a bible verse or something I wanted to share. Sometimes, honestly, I wasn't sure what the heck we would talk about. But one thing I knew... I didn't want another day to pass without talking to my dad. I didn't know how many days we would have and I didn't want to miss any. Well it became a wonderful habit. As soon as I got in my car to go to work, I would call. So...that's why yesterday it dawned on me that I would never call Dad again. I haven't had the daily reminder of a job. Those were precious times on the phone.

This was one of the gifts that Dad's cancer brought me. Through it, my dad and I grew closer. But like my brother Michael has said - don't wait for something like that before you reach out to the ones around you say I love you, you matter to me, I want to be involved in your life. You will never regret it. Thanks for all your prayers for our family. Reading the comments is always so uplifting.
Love to you all,
Karen

December 10, 2008

Hi Friends,
Joe and I had another peaceful day. The hospice nurse was here today as well as the aide to give Joe care. He tries to pull himself together to communicate when they come but it is very difficult now. Something happened to Lucky today and I took him to the vet but no difinitive answer. He just got reallly lethargic and had tremors most of the day. All the vet could find was a sore throat so he is on an antibiotic but tonight we realized that he has a really sore spot behind his left shoulder so I will take him back tomorrow and have an x-ray done. I think the tremors were from pain. Lucky is laying on the bed with his head on a pillow. I had to bring his food into him to eat as he doesn't want to move. Do you think I am spoiling him?
Joe asked today how many days til the wedding. I asked him if he was trying to hang on til then and he said no. His vital signs are stable but we lose a little ground each day. Thanks for all your words of support. God bless. Mary Anne

A 5K for the ages

All is quiet from Plainfield as I spoke to my Mom today. But I have a story and favorite picture to share.

In August of 2001, some of the family had discovered running. You could say we were hooked. Well that was enough, those of us who were hooked dragged the rest of the group into a 5 K together as a family. In this photo, the runners are on the left and the dragees are on the right. Far right you will see my dad who reminded me everytime since that one 5 K that doing the race, messed up his knee. Well I highly doubted it, but it was not as if he was about to launch a running career. He did continue to exercise as best he could right up until the cancer was really sapping all of his energy. And I said on the phone, "just go out and do a little walk". He said, "Nothing is impossible for the one that does not have to do it". This was the last time I pushed dad to exercise as he had really done what he could. I am still glad we dragged the whole family into the 5K. My mother did so well in her age group (as always) that she won a free poster size enlargement. This was the photo she chose to posterize and it now hangs in the basement of my parents house and I think I will have to fight my siblings for it because that was a 5K for the ages!

Autumn Leaves

Hi Friends,
I'm sure many of you remember the song "September Song" where it says,

"The autumn weather turns the leaves to flame

Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few

September, November

And these few precious days I'll spend with you These precious days I'll spend with you "

- Well, that is where we are now. Joe has not eaten anything in a week. He is only drinking about a glass of liquid a day. His meds are liquid and very small amounts so he hardly has to swallow. The toxins in his body have taken away most chance of him saying something coherent and it just agitates him to try. I am giving him ativan for the agitation routinely now and he had a much better night sleep because of it.
I am writing early to let you know our electric will be off for several hours today so the regular phone won't work. Don't worry. It should be back on by two this afternoon. They are doing some work in the neighborhood.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on the blog. They lift me up to hear how many of you loved Joe and what he meant in your life. It will be hard to let him go but my prayer is that God will take him soon. What is left here now is not the man we all knew. Cas and I both got a hug last night (and had a good cry too). Don't worry about me. I know this will be hard but I have Jesus to walk beside me in spirit and in those who love me here on earth. I will post if there are any changes. I got to talk to my pen pal,Janette, in Scotland last night and that was special. We have been friends since we were 11 so that is a lot of years. She and her husband came to America to visit us about a month before Joe got diagnosed.
Again, thank you to all who visit here. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

Hi Friends,
Sorry I forgot to post yesterday. It was another quiet day. I stayed home with Joe and didn't go to church but they brought communion to us. Joe is not coherent most of the time but he knew he was getting communion. Last night our son-in-law Kirk stayed with Joe and Cas and I went to see Mame at Drury Lane with friends. It was hard leaving Joe but good to have a little break and be distracted for awhile. I put the Statler Brothers CD on yesterday and Joe was naming the songs as they came on but it is no longer possible to have a conversation with him. My sister Ron is coming over today and I talked to my brother from Colorado yesterday. My siblings have been so supportive on the phone checking in each day and it is hard to know what to say. I don't know how much longer Joe can hang on with no solid nourishment and very little fluids.
When the time comes, I will post on the blog what the arrangements are as I know I won't be able to call everyone that would want to know so please keep checking the blog. I hope that doesn't seem to impersonal but I don't want to leave anyone out.
Please pray for peace in these final days and comfort for Joe. He has been a terrific patient not complaining about his situation and thanking everyone for the little things they do. Hospice comes today so I will update if there is anything new. God bless. Mary Anne

December 6, 2008

Hi Friends,
Maybe its time for another poem I wrote the last week of October in the middle of the night.


END OF LIFE
When the end of life seems really near,
And the rustle of wings sound in your ear,
When the battle on earth is over and done,
Then Jesus will say "You won, We won"

Then I'll say go, my darling, go
To your glorious heaven above,
Join your parents and faithful friends,
Because I'll go on feeling your love.

Not much change today, a little restlessness, a little discomfort, both controlled by medication. The house is so quiet except for Lucky barking at the dogs walking by. I taped a bunch of Christmas movies, pretty sappy, but they pass the time and I can be in the room with Joe without them bothering him. I am a fan of Law & Order and CSI but I don't want him dreaming about crime scenes. At the suggestion of our daughter in law Tracy I read the 84th Psalm to Joe and it is so appropriate for this time in life. Very comforting. God Bless. Mary Anne

Hi Friends,
Today was a quiet day for Joe. He slept all day after sleeping all night. When he wakes up for a few minutes,he is so confused he can't get out the words he wants so it is pretty frustrating. The pain in his groin which bothered him for the last several days on and off seems to be gone and it was controlled with pain medication. I think our time with the real Joe is gone now and we just have to wait for the journey to end. Our pastor Earl was here this afternoon and said a prayer with Joe but he had a hard time staying awake even for that. Cas and Kev were here with me this afternoon but there is not much physical care. They really are here to support me which I very much appreciate. My swim team brought over a huge fruit and vegetable basket for me today so I am all set to eat healthy. Karen has me set up taking about 8 supplements a day. That should keep me healthy. Lucky, our little Maltese spends all day on Joe's hospital bed with him getting off only to eat and go out. He will be two years old on Sunday.
The hospice nurse was here today and his vital signs are staying pretty stable. He had a strong body before this cancer hit him.There is not much else to say. Please pray that the journey ends soon for him and in peace. God bless. Mary Anne

Good Morning

It's Thursday morning and today I am heading back to Phoenix. It has been a wonderful three weeks with my family and especially with my Dad. It is difficult leaving not knowing if Dad will still be with us when I return for the wedding. In a lot of ways, I've already lost the Dad I knew my whole life... the jovial, life of the party, joke-telling, great conversationalist. But the Dad I've experienced in the last three weeks has been so beautiful. I am thinking of his face when he thought I was leaving and I told him I was staying through Thanksgiving. He lit up with such a genuine smile. The next thing he said was "and then what? You gonna update your resume?" Little did he know he was right. I lost my job later that week and will be looking for a new one when I get to Phoenix. Another precious memory was all of us standing around his bedside with him directing us as we sang Barbershop Tags. So fun to see a slice of old Dad back - picky about our timing and our dynamics. But it's all the little things too, feeding him coffee cake and having him thank me when I'm done. Trying really hard to understand what he's saying and having him thank me for being patient. I wouldn't trade these last three weeks for anything in the world. And while it is extrememly difficult to think that he probably won't be here when I come back, the knowledge that he will be waiting for me when I finally go home to Jesus is a beautiful hope. He gets more beautiful to me each day even as he loses weight.

About 6 weeks ago, when Dad learned he would be going on hospice and probably seeing Bonaire for the last time, he said he hated thinking about putting us through this. I told him that a long time ago through the death of a dear friend in Atlanta, I learned something about grief. Grief is not a tradegy. Grief has this bittersweetness to it that allows us to get in touch with the impact of a life on ours. Grief pulls us together in community with those who have also been touched. There is a sweetness in grief when our hope rests in eternity with Jesus. I am so grateful that around Dad these last three weeks I have really felt that. There has been so much peace in the midst of it all.

Since I will be leaving today, Mom will be by herself for the day. She's asked me to let you know that that is her preference as she really hasn't had much alone time with Dad. If she doesn't answer the phone, everything is probably fine, she'll just give you a call later.

Thank you to all of you who have been such an amazing support during this time. I don't think I've cooked one meal since I have gotten here because of all the meals people have brought. Please continue to pray for the peace of the Lord to surround Mom and Dad and for us to trust in the Lord's perfect timing of Dad's homecoming and my wedding.

Thanks,
Karen

Its the plumber...

From Ohio, I understand that it is still about the same for how Dad is doing. Just a quick note on a random act of kindness bestowed on our family yesterday. Kevin and I replaced the dishwasher last week and did it just the way my dad would be so proud of. We took the time to break out more tile from the floor to ensure all was level. We even wore safety glasses (his) while doing this dangerous job. We messed up the threads on one of the copper elbows which required a trip to Ace Hardware (dad's favorite store). We then got it in and running perfectly. Perfectly is a relative term. The dishwasher did run fine. Underneath the sink where we had to turn the brass shut-off valve off for the water for the first time in say 8 years developed a leak which required a tray to collect the water. Every few days you take a towel and mop up the water. Close enough right? So we called in the expert Little Walt's Plumbing . Our plumber arrived as promised and made two tightenings and fixed the problem. When Mom went to pay him HE REFUSED PAYMENT. He said I could not charge you for that. Well, if that is not a random act of kindness, I don't know what is. So I just thought that it deserved some recognition. My dad would probably say he paid for that service call 10 times over through the years of plumbing projects gone wrong, but the truth is, I think we just got a "free lunch".

A Blanket of Peace

Hi Friends,
Well, I guess it is back to me blogging since Michael has gone back home. Karen is still here with me until Thursday. We can only go one day at a time and see what happens. I went to church with Karen and Mark yesterdy while Mike was still here and the message was about hope. And our hope is that we can keep Joe comfortable and at home. He is eating small meals about once a day when he feels like it. He has periods of confusion where he can't get the right words out and that is hard for him. Today we prayed that as the snowfall outside is a visual reminder of peace, peace would come and be a blanket over Joe.

The song we sang in church keeps running through my mind(the young people call it a worm I think) but the words are:
My life is in You Lord
My strength is in You Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
In You, it's in You

These words and thoughts and God's grace through your prayers are giving us the strength we need each day. Thank you for being with us in this time.
God Bless,
Mary Anne