Wedding Day!

Skreeeeeeech!!

Yesterday was a happy happy day. My sister, Karen, walked down aisle (the length of my parents' home) with my brother, Michael, humbly standing in for my father, to marry Mark Ashbrook. She was absolutely the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Mark was dashing as well and they wrote beautiful vows to each other. I felt like it made my wedding look like we just said "wanna?" "sure!". My mother was so happy and got choked up a few times. I'm not sure about her, but I was thinking how proud and happy my dad was watching it all and it was a shame not to see his face, but we all knew what it looked like. He waited so long for this day and it was just lovely. My daughter, Marianne, remarked in the car on the way to the reception, "No WAY does she look 40. She looked about 23. She looked beautiful!" Karen might be quick to point out that she is NOT 40 (yet).

At the reception, Mark, Kevin, Kirk, Michael and Matthew got up and sang "Happy Together" to Karen. They did a gorgeous acapella/barbershop harmony style and it blew my sister away. They had worked on it separately over the last month and instead of a bachelor party, they rehearsed it. Our very experienced DJ said he'd never seen anything like it. Ingenius idea, Mark!!

Here are a few of my pictures that captured a small part of the day.
I have to say, after the very eventful past few months, it feels like I can hear the brakes starting to squeel on this rollercoaster ride. Hopefully the dips will not be so low, but unfortunately, the heights of yesterday don't come around every day either.
Thanks for all your prayers and support through those dips and enjoying the high points with all of us.
Cassie

December 22, 2008

To all our Dear Friends,
It is impossible to express in words the caring and support you have all given me and the family during this difficult time. I have never felt so wrapped in love and prayer as I have this past week.

The service Saturday was such a testimony to how Joe loved and it just filled me with gratitude that we had him for so long. Our house is filled with flowers and food(lots of food) and it is just a constant reminder that I am not alone.

I made my first call for help yesterday at the grocery store to Carnevales' to ask what kind of spumante Joe got at Christmas. He had a much better memory than me. So many times each day I want to ask him things, or tell him things. That is the hardest part right now.

Michael's family went back home for a few days to celebrate Christmas and repack to come back for the wedding. They will be here for Christmas dinner. We will celebrate our usual Christmas on the 23rd with Joe's favorite dish - Beef Wellington. Hope we can get it right without him. Christmas Eve I will go to Cassie and Kirk's after our Christmas Eve service and spend Christmas morning with them. Kev and Tracy will do their Christmas at home and Mark and Karen will go to Mark's Mom's and then we will all get back here for Christmas dinner. Then for most of you, you can take a deep breath but for us we have the rehearsal dinner on the 26th and the wedding on the 27th. And we will celebrate that Joe can watch from heaven with his friends and family that are there and as Karen said at the service " stand next to our Heavenly Father and admire their beautiful daughter".

Again, I thank all of you for your gifts of love, prayer, food support and contributions to our church and hospice. I will pray that God will bless each of you in a special way this Christmas for sharing His love with us in a very tangible way. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Hebrews 6:10 "God is not unjust; he will not forget your work or the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."

Shoutin Time in Heaven

It is Michael now back in Ohio after two very full days in Plainfield. We had a beautiful ceremony celebrating my Dad's life and the impact he had on others. Thanks to all who reached out to us to let us know how he impacted your life. When you spend 41 years around someone you tend to take their gifts for granted. You know all their jokes etc. All of you helped bring those gifts back to life. Even though you were telling us things we already knew, it is so much sweeter coming from you. Many of you also shared directly to me how much the blog meant as well. It can be a risk to put it all out there but I know that the reward is in the sharing of feelings we all have.

The standing room only service had the right amount of respect, humor and celebration that dad would have wanted. My brother Kevin really gave us a gift when in addition to his beautiful guitar and singing on "All the Way My Saviour Leads Me" he threw in some measures from Dad's most requested "Freight Train" played fingerstyle on Kevin's guitar. One other moment from the service was when "Shoutin Time in Heaven" was played by the Hoppers (recording obviously). This was a long standing request from my dad that he had made before he was given his cancer diagnosis. I could hear the room collectively start to sob on this particular number.

Now this blog which all of us have come to know as a place to commune electronically, will grow quieter...but not silent. There is more to tell.

Coburn, Joseph A.

reprinted from the Chicago Tribune, Thursday December 18th, 2008

Joseph "Joe" A. Coburn, age 68, Wednesday Dec. 17, 2008 late of Plainfield, formerly of Woodridge. Beloved husband of Mary Anne Coburn; loving father of Cassie (Kirk) Moore, Michael (Heidi) Coburn, Karen Coburn, Kevin (Tracy) Coburn; cherished grandfather of eight; dear step brother of Robert, Ralph and Richard Bartholomew. Preceded in death by his parents Victor and Irene Coburn. Visitation Friday 4 to 9 p.m. at the Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townshall Dr. in Romeoville. Funeral Saturday, Dec 20, 2008 10 a.m. at the funeral home chapel. Service concludes at the funeral home. Friends who wish may make donations to Community Christian Church or Joliet Area Community Hospice, 250 Water Stone Circle, Joliet, IL 60431.

The family welcomes comments here or at the Chicago Tribune Guest Book.

Home at Last

Dear Friends.

Joe finished his journey on earth and went to be with the Lord last night about 11. Cassie and I were both with him and were able to hold him at the end. We will miss him terribly but we know he is free now.

The visitation will be Friday from 4-9 P.M. and funeral will be Saturday at 10 A.M.
Both will be held at Anderson Memorial Chapel, 606 Townhall Drive, Romeoville,60446.

Should friends desire, contributions can be made to Community Christian Church (http://www.communitychristian.org/locations/carillon/)
or Joliet Area Community Hospice.
( http://www.joliethospice.org/donations.shtml)

Our prayer requests now are that the out of town children can make it in without weather related problems as the forecast is not very good. How do I thank all of you for your prayers and support? Just know that I ask God to bless you in a special way this Christmas for reaching out to us in our time of need. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 16, 2008

Dear Friends,
Hospice was just here and time is drawing near. His vital signs are dropping. I was reading the Psalms to Joe this morning and several verses really seemed appropriate.

Psalm 61 , vs 1-3
Hear my cry, O Lord;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

And Psalm 63 , vs 1

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the santuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because youre love is better than life, my lips will glorify you
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

We both got a good night sleep last night thanks to the increase in medicine. Please pray for comfort in the next hours. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

December 15, 2008

Dear Friends,
Hospice was here today and Joe's vital signs remain the same as Friday although he is visibly weaker and less present to us each day. We have increased the medicine to keep him comfortable. Thanks for your phone calls. If I don't pick up it is because I forgot to bring my cell phone in the bedroom or I'm trying to nap. Last night was an awake night so I think I'll turn in early tonight if possible. There is not much else to tell today. We are 12 days from the wedding. Karen and Mark will be in a week from Wednesday if not sooner. Plans are finalizing nicely. Good thing I am not responsible for much. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

International House of Prayer (click here)

Hi Friends,
I thought you might want to know about the International House of Prayer. Karen's best friend,Kelli, who will be her maid of honor works with them in Kansas City. She is also the one Karen was a missionary with in Russia and with the Navigators in Colorado. Anyway, last year on our way to Phoenix for alternative treatments, we stopped at IHOP (nice initials huh?) and spent some time with Kelli and in the prayer room and the healing room. The organization has 24 hour prayers and worship 7 days a week. When I am having a tough time or just anytime I want to be filled I go to the website and let the words fill me. You can click on International House of Prayer (title) to see what it is about.
Not much changed overnight. Joe is comfortable but not really aware of his surroundings. I decided this morning that maybe God is trying to teach me patience and trust. The kids and my siblings are constantly there by phone as well as our friends. I am so thankful for all our friends and for the blog to be able to keep in touch with all of you. When I feel up to it, it will be my job to write the Christmas letter this year and I think I will just post it on the blog. All who read this blog are involved in our life some way and I treasure the friendships. Although Joe was the flamboyant one in our relationship I was right behind him in living life fully and I learned a lot from him in how to let the child out to play.
Have a blessed quiet day in this busy season and know that I am thanking God for your friendships and support in this journey. God Bless. Mary Anne

December 13, 2008

Hi Friends,
Another quiet day. Cassie was with me this morning and my friend Jeannie stopped over this afternoon. Joe has been sleeping all day and seems much more comfortable. It was a very blustery sort of day out today and I was glad I didn't have to go anywhere. The usual hubbub at this time of year has just passed me right by. In a way I'm glad but it feels funny not to shop and wrap and count to make sure everyone has the same amount, etc. We decided not to exchange with the kids this year and just give to the grandchildren. I didn't realize how many Christmas CD's we had until I started sorting through them to play them for Joe. Earlier in the week he would smile when one came on he liked but now there is no response. I know he can still hear so I think the music is soothing. Joe loved music and singing among other things and this is the only one I can bring into the room right now. We continue to pray for his journey on earth to be finished. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Friday December 12, 2008

Hi Friends,
Thanks to those of you who email me rather than comment on the blog. It took me awhile to figure out the blog and some of you want your comments to be private. I love them wherever they are. I cherish your thoughts and your prayers. My sister Trish was with me most of the day. The hospice nurse and aide were here also. the nurse said his blood pressure is falling some and his pulse is rising a little. Those are both expected signs of changes. Joe is no longer able to drink from a straw or communicate. We put a pain patch on him today that will work for three days. He isn't having any specific pain but just seems uncomfortable any time we move him. I promised to keep him comfortable and hospice is very good at helping me make decisions about medications. I pray with him each day and ask Jesus to take him if it is time and tell Joe is it OK to go. He is no longer aware of time or asking what day it is so I think that is good.
On a lighter note, Lucky our dog seems completely recovered from whatever was hurting him. I wonder if maybe the injections he got in his neck hit a nerve that went to his shoulder and now that is OK. He is still on an antibiotic for his sore throat but he never leaves Joe's bed except to go out.
I know many of your are busy with shopping and parties and I appreciate you taking time to check in with the blog each day and pray for us. I am mostly at peace except for a meltdown once or twice a day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

Phone Calls

Hi All,
Karen writing here. I told Mom last night I would update the blog and then forgot...sorry. Things are pretty much the same in Chicago. Mom is doing well and has had enough folks around helping that she's been able to get out when she needs to. Dad is resting comfortably and sleeping most of the time. And Lucky, the faithful maltese is doing much better.

(click photo for larger view)

I've been back in Phoenix a week now working hard to get ready for moving, the wedding, the holidays etc. It was really hard coming back, but then after a day or so, I adjusted. There's so much to do it was easy to jump in. But yesterday as I was running errands, the thought struck me...I'll never have another phone conversation with Dad again. That may sound odd - why a phone call? Why not a hug? Or a dinner? Or a Christmas? Well, I've been in a different city from my folks for over 10 years now. Typically I would talk to my Mom on the phone and if she wasn't home, Dad would answer. Besides seeing Dad in person this was the only time I'd really talk to him on the phone. He wasn't much of a phone talker. But 2 1/2 years ago when Dad was diagnosed, he called me and told me "it's bad news honey, it's cancer."

In the days that followed there was so much going on that I began calling every morning on my way to work. Sometimes I had a specific question or wanted to know a test result. Other times I had a bible verse or something I wanted to share. Sometimes, honestly, I wasn't sure what the heck we would talk about. But one thing I knew... I didn't want another day to pass without talking to my dad. I didn't know how many days we would have and I didn't want to miss any. Well it became a wonderful habit. As soon as I got in my car to go to work, I would call. So...that's why yesterday it dawned on me that I would never call Dad again. I haven't had the daily reminder of a job. Those were precious times on the phone.

This was one of the gifts that Dad's cancer brought me. Through it, my dad and I grew closer. But like my brother Michael has said - don't wait for something like that before you reach out to the ones around you say I love you, you matter to me, I want to be involved in your life. You will never regret it. Thanks for all your prayers for our family. Reading the comments is always so uplifting.
Love to you all,
Karen

December 10, 2008

Hi Friends,
Joe and I had another peaceful day. The hospice nurse was here today as well as the aide to give Joe care. He tries to pull himself together to communicate when they come but it is very difficult now. Something happened to Lucky today and I took him to the vet but no difinitive answer. He just got reallly lethargic and had tremors most of the day. All the vet could find was a sore throat so he is on an antibiotic but tonight we realized that he has a really sore spot behind his left shoulder so I will take him back tomorrow and have an x-ray done. I think the tremors were from pain. Lucky is laying on the bed with his head on a pillow. I had to bring his food into him to eat as he doesn't want to move. Do you think I am spoiling him?
Joe asked today how many days til the wedding. I asked him if he was trying to hang on til then and he said no. His vital signs are stable but we lose a little ground each day. Thanks for all your words of support. God bless. Mary Anne

A 5K for the ages

All is quiet from Plainfield as I spoke to my Mom today. But I have a story and favorite picture to share.

In August of 2001, some of the family had discovered running. You could say we were hooked. Well that was enough, those of us who were hooked dragged the rest of the group into a 5 K together as a family. In this photo, the runners are on the left and the dragees are on the right. Far right you will see my dad who reminded me everytime since that one 5 K that doing the race, messed up his knee. Well I highly doubted it, but it was not as if he was about to launch a running career. He did continue to exercise as best he could right up until the cancer was really sapping all of his energy. And I said on the phone, "just go out and do a little walk". He said, "Nothing is impossible for the one that does not have to do it". This was the last time I pushed dad to exercise as he had really done what he could. I am still glad we dragged the whole family into the 5K. My mother did so well in her age group (as always) that she won a free poster size enlargement. This was the photo she chose to posterize and it now hangs in the basement of my parents house and I think I will have to fight my siblings for it because that was a 5K for the ages!

Autumn Leaves

Hi Friends,
I'm sure many of you remember the song "September Song" where it says,

"The autumn weather turns the leaves to flame

Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few

September, November

And these few precious days I'll spend with you These precious days I'll spend with you "

- Well, that is where we are now. Joe has not eaten anything in a week. He is only drinking about a glass of liquid a day. His meds are liquid and very small amounts so he hardly has to swallow. The toxins in his body have taken away most chance of him saying something coherent and it just agitates him to try. I am giving him ativan for the agitation routinely now and he had a much better night sleep because of it.
I am writing early to let you know our electric will be off for several hours today so the regular phone won't work. Don't worry. It should be back on by two this afternoon. They are doing some work in the neighborhood.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on the blog. They lift me up to hear how many of you loved Joe and what he meant in your life. It will be hard to let him go but my prayer is that God will take him soon. What is left here now is not the man we all knew. Cas and I both got a hug last night (and had a good cry too). Don't worry about me. I know this will be hard but I have Jesus to walk beside me in spirit and in those who love me here on earth. I will post if there are any changes. I got to talk to my pen pal,Janette, in Scotland last night and that was special. We have been friends since we were 11 so that is a lot of years. She and her husband came to America to visit us about a month before Joe got diagnosed.
Again, thank you to all who visit here. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

Hi Friends,
Sorry I forgot to post yesterday. It was another quiet day. I stayed home with Joe and didn't go to church but they brought communion to us. Joe is not coherent most of the time but he knew he was getting communion. Last night our son-in-law Kirk stayed with Joe and Cas and I went to see Mame at Drury Lane with friends. It was hard leaving Joe but good to have a little break and be distracted for awhile. I put the Statler Brothers CD on yesterday and Joe was naming the songs as they came on but it is no longer possible to have a conversation with him. My sister Ron is coming over today and I talked to my brother from Colorado yesterday. My siblings have been so supportive on the phone checking in each day and it is hard to know what to say. I don't know how much longer Joe can hang on with no solid nourishment and very little fluids.
When the time comes, I will post on the blog what the arrangements are as I know I won't be able to call everyone that would want to know so please keep checking the blog. I hope that doesn't seem to impersonal but I don't want to leave anyone out.
Please pray for peace in these final days and comfort for Joe. He has been a terrific patient not complaining about his situation and thanking everyone for the little things they do. Hospice comes today so I will update if there is anything new. God bless. Mary Anne

December 6, 2008

Hi Friends,
Maybe its time for another poem I wrote the last week of October in the middle of the night.


END OF LIFE
When the end of life seems really near,
And the rustle of wings sound in your ear,
When the battle on earth is over and done,
Then Jesus will say "You won, We won"

Then I'll say go, my darling, go
To your glorious heaven above,
Join your parents and faithful friends,
Because I'll go on feeling your love.

Not much change today, a little restlessness, a little discomfort, both controlled by medication. The house is so quiet except for Lucky barking at the dogs walking by. I taped a bunch of Christmas movies, pretty sappy, but they pass the time and I can be in the room with Joe without them bothering him. I am a fan of Law & Order and CSI but I don't want him dreaming about crime scenes. At the suggestion of our daughter in law Tracy I read the 84th Psalm to Joe and it is so appropriate for this time in life. Very comforting. God Bless. Mary Anne

Hi Friends,
Today was a quiet day for Joe. He slept all day after sleeping all night. When he wakes up for a few minutes,he is so confused he can't get out the words he wants so it is pretty frustrating. The pain in his groin which bothered him for the last several days on and off seems to be gone and it was controlled with pain medication. I think our time with the real Joe is gone now and we just have to wait for the journey to end. Our pastor Earl was here this afternoon and said a prayer with Joe but he had a hard time staying awake even for that. Cas and Kev were here with me this afternoon but there is not much physical care. They really are here to support me which I very much appreciate. My swim team brought over a huge fruit and vegetable basket for me today so I am all set to eat healthy. Karen has me set up taking about 8 supplements a day. That should keep me healthy. Lucky, our little Maltese spends all day on Joe's hospital bed with him getting off only to eat and go out. He will be two years old on Sunday.
The hospice nurse was here today and his vital signs are staying pretty stable. He had a strong body before this cancer hit him.There is not much else to say. Please pray that the journey ends soon for him and in peace. God bless. Mary Anne

Good Morning

It's Thursday morning and today I am heading back to Phoenix. It has been a wonderful three weeks with my family and especially with my Dad. It is difficult leaving not knowing if Dad will still be with us when I return for the wedding. In a lot of ways, I've already lost the Dad I knew my whole life... the jovial, life of the party, joke-telling, great conversationalist. But the Dad I've experienced in the last three weeks has been so beautiful. I am thinking of his face when he thought I was leaving and I told him I was staying through Thanksgiving. He lit up with such a genuine smile. The next thing he said was "and then what? You gonna update your resume?" Little did he know he was right. I lost my job later that week and will be looking for a new one when I get to Phoenix. Another precious memory was all of us standing around his bedside with him directing us as we sang Barbershop Tags. So fun to see a slice of old Dad back - picky about our timing and our dynamics. But it's all the little things too, feeding him coffee cake and having him thank me when I'm done. Trying really hard to understand what he's saying and having him thank me for being patient. I wouldn't trade these last three weeks for anything in the world. And while it is extrememly difficult to think that he probably won't be here when I come back, the knowledge that he will be waiting for me when I finally go home to Jesus is a beautiful hope. He gets more beautiful to me each day even as he loses weight.

About 6 weeks ago, when Dad learned he would be going on hospice and probably seeing Bonaire for the last time, he said he hated thinking about putting us through this. I told him that a long time ago through the death of a dear friend in Atlanta, I learned something about grief. Grief is not a tradegy. Grief has this bittersweetness to it that allows us to get in touch with the impact of a life on ours. Grief pulls us together in community with those who have also been touched. There is a sweetness in grief when our hope rests in eternity with Jesus. I am so grateful that around Dad these last three weeks I have really felt that. There has been so much peace in the midst of it all.

Since I will be leaving today, Mom will be by herself for the day. She's asked me to let you know that that is her preference as she really hasn't had much alone time with Dad. If she doesn't answer the phone, everything is probably fine, she'll just give you a call later.

Thank you to all of you who have been such an amazing support during this time. I don't think I've cooked one meal since I have gotten here because of all the meals people have brought. Please continue to pray for the peace of the Lord to surround Mom and Dad and for us to trust in the Lord's perfect timing of Dad's homecoming and my wedding.

Thanks,
Karen

Its the plumber...

From Ohio, I understand that it is still about the same for how Dad is doing. Just a quick note on a random act of kindness bestowed on our family yesterday. Kevin and I replaced the dishwasher last week and did it just the way my dad would be so proud of. We took the time to break out more tile from the floor to ensure all was level. We even wore safety glasses (his) while doing this dangerous job. We messed up the threads on one of the copper elbows which required a trip to Ace Hardware (dad's favorite store). We then got it in and running perfectly. Perfectly is a relative term. The dishwasher did run fine. Underneath the sink where we had to turn the brass shut-off valve off for the water for the first time in say 8 years developed a leak which required a tray to collect the water. Every few days you take a towel and mop up the water. Close enough right? So we called in the expert Little Walt's Plumbing . Our plumber arrived as promised and made two tightenings and fixed the problem. When Mom went to pay him HE REFUSED PAYMENT. He said I could not charge you for that. Well, if that is not a random act of kindness, I don't know what is. So I just thought that it deserved some recognition. My dad would probably say he paid for that service call 10 times over through the years of plumbing projects gone wrong, but the truth is, I think we just got a "free lunch".

A Blanket of Peace

Hi Friends,
Well, I guess it is back to me blogging since Michael has gone back home. Karen is still here with me until Thursday. We can only go one day at a time and see what happens. I went to church with Karen and Mark yesterdy while Mike was still here and the message was about hope. And our hope is that we can keep Joe comfortable and at home. He is eating small meals about once a day when he feels like it. He has periods of confusion where he can't get the right words out and that is hard for him. Today we prayed that as the snowfall outside is a visual reminder of peace, peace would come and be a blanket over Joe.

The song we sang in church keeps running through my mind(the young people call it a worm I think) but the words are:
My life is in You Lord
My strength is in You Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
In You, it's in You

These words and thoughts and God's grace through your prayers are giving us the strength we need each day. Thank you for being with us in this time.
God Bless,
Mary Anne

Leaving again

Michael here. I have been lucky enough to be here since Tuesday the 18th. Heidi, the kids and I leave today for Ohio. I consider this all bonus time with my family. I told my dad that I did not mind saying goodbye 2 times and he said he had the count up to 5 or 6 times! I think we have cleaned out every room, looked at every picture in the house, replaced a dishwasher, created a leak, used every tool in the wood shop I could figure out how to work, broke a computer fixed it then broke the other. Don't worry, Mom still has internet!

This is an unpredictable journey. My dad is still having lucid moments, still sleeping a lot, still getting a bit confused on what day it is and still not in any real pain other than a bit of back pain from laying in a hospital bed for 2 weeks. I asked him how he slept last night and he said considering my current state, not bad. Thanks for reading, commenting and supporting us as a family during this. I know it will be much harder to be away than to be here.

Sleepy day Posted on Friday night...late.

I was home with Dad most of the day while the girls went to the bridal shower for Karen. It was a very quiet day with the two little white dogs he likes sleeping on the bed with him until his nurse came, the cleaning lady came and finally his nurse's assistant came. Each one of those produced a cacophony of yippy barking and running across dad and off the bed. He survived those and slept until late tonight. Then he had an awake period. His nurse says he has a strong will. He told his nurse today that what is happening to him in the grand scheme of things is really not too bad considering all the worse things going on out there in the world. This is our new normal. It is taking some getting used to. We were lucky to have had a very real dad tonight directing us singing barbershop tags (song endings), demanding perfection. What might have irritated us as kids our youth learning these songs was quite fun. He made us re-start the song 3 times ...too fast, too loud, build slower etc. It was great. At one point, we told him that he had never taught us that before...he said I have not taught you everything. When these moments happen, you cherish it, wonder if it is the last and then say goodnight. Goodnight.

A Father's Blessing on Thanksgiving

Joe's daughter, Karen writing here. A few days ago I went in to say goodnight to Dad and when I did he started to cry. I asked him what he was feeling and he said he was sad. I said about the wedding? He said yes. A few days later, I asked him if we could do the beginning part of the ceremony, the part where he gives me away. I told him that was his role and I wanted to know if he would do that. I've been wondering if he needs that to be able to let go.

So, this morning, my parent's pastor, Earl, came over. He gave a short intro saying that it is tradition to have the father give his daughter away. So not knowing if Dad would make it to the wedding we wanted to have Dad give me away this morning. Our whole family was gathered in the bedroom (all 18 of us). Earl asked Dad the traditional question "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" and Dad answered "her mother and I do" with clarity, strength and emotion in his voice.

Then Earl prayed a blessing. It was a very special time together that we will all remember. I am so glad to have shared that with my dad. I have complete peace about our wedding. I have shared with him that picturing him up in heaven with the Father gives me great joy. My dad has always been so affirming of me. I know that on that day he will look down from heaven and smile with pride and he and the Father will share delight. My dad's heart for me has always been a picture of my heavenly Father's love for me. So while I would have loved for him to be at our wedding, I find great comfort thinking about him free from cancer, with no discomfort, totally healed and whole.

We have so much to be thankful for today. I am grateful for a father whose love I've never questioned. He has supported me my whole life. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and for the incredible community of people who are standing with us praying for us. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Karen

Tying the Leaves? Click here to listen

Posted in the right hand column and here is a link and photo related to the song "I'm Tying the Leaves" recorded by my dad's quartet the SoundTracks in 1973 or so. It seems appropo now as we are at the end of the fall. Hope you enjoy.

Christmas lights

We put up more Christmas lights today and I even figured out how to anchor down the wooden reindeer out front just like dad used to do it. He gave some positive encouragement from his bed positioned in the front window. I am cleaning out his woodworking shop of about 75 lbs of sawdust. I am not kidding. We are going to keep the shop intact, it is quite the set up and I think we will find uses for it. Dad has been awake enough today for us to sit with him and listen to Barbershop recordings. Specifically we listened to the SoundTracks which he sang lead for in the 1970's. They sounded amazing and he sang along. He told us...listen to this chord, modulation etc. Those are the soundtracks of our life. We listened to a lot of Barbershop. It never sounded so sweet as this morning. Then the last song I played for him was from Don Bagley's quartet, "The Chiefs of Staff". The song is Memory from the musical Cats. Dads face just lit up with emotion when it came on. We both loved it. We are now watching the Ball State football game. He is operating the remote so he must be feeling a bit up. I think he likes the comfort of the television which is something he enjoyed when he was well. Now he is asleep again.

Another quiet day

Hi Friends,
Joe continues to hang on. The hospice nurse thinks he is trying to make it to the wedding which seems impossible from our standpoint and hers. His jaundice is severe. He did eat a little today after not eating for two days. We did not get our quality time we have had in the evening tonight but we had about an hour. Karen and I did go to workout this morning and I think that was my first time out of the house in 8 days. Michael put the wooden reindeer out on the lawn today but we don't know how Dad made them stand up in the wind. I am sure we are going to encounter problems like this frequently as we try to do the tasks he did. Today Michael and Kevin installed a new dishwasher for us. Why didn't they tell me my dishes haven't been clean for a long time? Anyway it was one more problem taken care of by the kids. That is so helpful to me. I just let Kevin pick it out for me Saturday and pick it up today. The nurse will be back on Wednesday and we will see what she has to say then. For now I will just say goodnight and God Bless. Mary Anne

A Peaceful Day

Hi Friends,

We continue to gather as a family watching as Joe gets more and more sleepy each day. He is now only taking a small amount of liquids and no real food but is still not in any pain. We thank our neighbors and small group for providing meals the last several days. Its been a big help. Karen and I were able to go to church this morning while Michael and Cassie stayed with Joe. Joe can no longer summon the energy to talk on the phone when the many friends from over the years have called in to send their wishes. We are relating all of your sentiments to him and he is truly touched. While the Chicago Bears did get a victory today, Joe only saw about 5 minutes of it. Thankfully they scored on their opening drive. We continue to be sustained by your prayers and warm wishes. God Bless, Mary Anne.

One Solitary Life

Karen here... tonight we were just sitting around and I decided to go on the blog and listen to "O Holy Night" with my dad and brother, Kevin singing. My dad has always loved that song. Of course, I ended up in a puddle. Just seeing him looking so well and singing so beautifully made me realize how much I already miss him. While he is still having times where he is awake and engaged, he is much subdued and has trouble getting his words together at times. Anyway... all this got me thinking about Christmas and how much Dad loves this time of year. For a long time, every Christmas, Dad would read "One Solitary Life". I'd like to share it with you. For those of you who know Dad personally, you can imagine him reading this with great emotion and dramatic affect:

He was born in a stable in an obscure village.
From there He traveled, less than 200 miles.
He never won an election,
He never went to college,
He never owned a home,
He never had a lot of money.
He became a nomadic preacher,
Popular opinion turned against Him,
He was betrayed by a close friend,
And His other friends ran away.
He was unjustly condemned to death,
Crucified on a cross among common thieves,
On a hill overlooking the town dump,
And when dead, laid in a borrowed grave.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone,
Empires have risen and fallen,
Mighty armies have marched,
And powerful rulers have reigned.
Yet no one has affected men as much as He,
He is the central figure of the human race,
He is the Messiah, the Son of God,
Jesus Christ.

My dad has never been a man shy to show emotion. This poem often made him cry. He loves the Lord and the way this poem expressed it always touched him. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

Karen

It's Saturday...Finally.

Last Tuesday, my dad groaned when he was told it was Tuesday. My mother asked him if he was getting impatient with God? No he said. She asked what day he wished it was? He said "Saturday!". Why?... FOOTBALL. It has been a pretty quiet day today here in Plainfield. I took a break from a lot of activity to just sit and watch the Notre Dame game with my dad. He has been much quieter today with fewer alert and connected moments. He did seem to perk up when I brought him a cold Starbuck's Mocha Frappaccino (one of his favorites). I brought a glass in with me along with the bottle so we could share it. His eyes lit up so much when I showed him the bottle that it was not long before I heard the empty gurgling sound of the straw in the bottom of the bottle before I had managed to pour my half. He watched portions of the game when he was awake and the same goes for me. I thought the Irish were going to put up a victory no problem for him as they were leading 23-10 at one point. Unfortunately, they lost by a point when they missed their shot for a winning 53 yard field goal with seconds remaining. When the ball was placed on the 35 yd line for the field goal attempt, I wondered outloud... how long is this kick. Dad quickly said 53 yards. Dad did not seem too concerned about it and we did enjoy the game. He is a HUGE Notre Dame fan if you did not know it. He did not attend Notre Dame but probably would have loved to as he had hopes of being the drum major for the Band of the Fighting Irish as he was for his high school band at Catholic Central in Detroit. Thanks for all the comments and those who have signed as as followers of this blog. It is neat to see who is with us during this time. I know how I felt when I followed Valerie McCrea's battle with Cholangio Carcinoma through a blog which ended in April of 2007. It was very moving and I felt very connected with their story. The difference with Valerie is that she was the mother of 3 young boys all under age 10. That was when I first gained perspective on how different this disease could have been for Dad and our family. What if he had been diagnosed when he was 37? I still hate to see the life taken out of him, but I remain forever thankful that I have had him for this long. He is very peaceful at this time.

He's waiting for Joe

This morning I got a call from Liz Springer, the wife of Joe's longtime childhood friend, Pete Springer. She called to share that Pete had died suddenly and peacefully in his recliner watching television this morning. Joe and Pete went to Precious Blood grade school together in Detroit and played basketball together as early as 5th grade and remained friends throughout high school playing in the band together and Pete was our best man in our wedding (photo August 29, 1964). Liz and Pete stayed in touch with us throughout our lives through Christmas cards, calls and the occassional visit. Pete called Joe last week to say goodbye and was very upset with the whole situation. Joe spoke with Liz today and shared a cry as they both remembered their friend. I told Joe that Pete would be waiting for him in heaven. It is neat to picture the two of them together again reunited through the wisdom of God's timing.

You look wonderful tonight

Maybe it is just us, but we think Dad looks wonderful tonight. This is him about 8 p.m. tonight. We spent another good hour with him after a very quiet and restful day. We sang, talked, cried and sang some more. We again had Mom, Cassie, Michael, Karen and Kevin in the house. We even sang some barbershop tags and the one song we know - America the Beautiful. We actually got the harmony right. This stuff was taught to us by our dad from about 1977.

I watched the Georgia Tech vs Miami game with him for a while as well. Another special night.

Comments and Followers Welcome

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Another quiet day here in Plainfield. Dad is sleeping a lot but when he wakes up and talks, he is still dad, although he struggles to find the words to express what is going on in his mind. Frustrating for a guy who had one of the best commands of the english language.

Dad loves a sunset

Thanks to my mom for letting me be a guest blogger here again. Rather than just give updates, I like to also share some of my thoughts. I don't know anyone who appreciates scenery and photos without people in them as much as my dad, Joe. In selecting this sunset shot over Klein Bonaire he took, I had many to chose from. For more than a decade this is the winter view my parents have enjoyed together in Bonaire to get through those tough, long and dark Chicago winters. I really am thankful for the ability to appreciate nature, vistas and natural beauty that my father has given to me. I imagine that this will be just one of the many reminders that will keep him close to me after he has left this world. As to his current state, he is a joy to be in the room with. I can't get enough of him. So much so that we have started to get on his nerves as we all just hang around him and it is tough to sleep when everyone wants to chat. Some moments he doesn't seem there and then others, he seems like he could go down in the basement and work on a woodworking project with me which was another of his passions. Many would wonder if it is tough to see your dad like this in the sunset of his life? I guess the answer is on the one hand yes, on the other... as long as he is not in pain, I will take as much of him as I can get. Some of you may not know this, but my dad lost his dad to cancer when he was 22. I am so thankful for the incredible time I have had for an adult relationship with my dad, that he never had with his. When I see a pretty sunset, smell pine needles or see deer wandering in a field my mind will always go to thoughts of my dad, pointing these things out.

November 19, 2008

Last night Karen picked up Michael at 9pm. Cassie and Kevin were there and we all gathered around Joe. We had an hour of reminiscing and retelling Joe's quotes and jokes. He was very alert and engaged. It was a wonderful time filled with laughter. Karen's fiancee, Mark, called and Joe had a chance to talk with him which meant a lot. The men's bible study Joe has been a part of stopped by (with our permission) this morning to say a prayer and let him know how much he's meant to them. Afterwards I said to him "I don't know anyone who has as many friends as you". He has loved so many - so well during his life. It is evident at this time when so many want to pour out their love back to him. He is very much at peace and still has no pain. We're enjoying every minute we have. Thanks for your continued prayers.

God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 18, 2008

Hi Friends,
Last night I went out to get a shower present for our daughter and three of our children were here with Joe. He was so funny yesterday we were laughing with him. Today he is even more sleepy and his speech is slurred without any medication. At this time I think we need to request that only family visit. Although Joe is always happy when someone comes, it takes a lot of energy for him to engage and even at that he can only stay awake for a minute or two. We're so thankful for all of your support and prayers. We have felt it so much on this journey.

Take care and God Bless,
Mary Anne

November 17, 2008

My Dear Friends,

The hospice nurse just left a bit ago and she said that she sees even more changes. His lungs are starting to get congested. As the toxins in his body build up because of his liver, it becomes more difficult for him to process what he'd like to say. But his sense of humor is still very much alive! Mary, the nurse, said she can tell he is at peace. Right now Joe is sleeping with Lucky at his side. The nurse suggested no visitors today so he could rest. We estimated he had about 50 visitors from Friday til Sunday night. What a great tribute to Joe and how many lives he's affected.

Karen was supposed to leave this afternoon but Joe looked at her this morning and said "I think you should stay" so she is going to do that. Michael is flying back in tomorrow night so the kids will all be in town.



Over the last few weeks, God has been giving me poems. I 'd like to share another with you that I wrote two weeks ago.



TIME TO SAY GOODBYE (10/31/08)

It’s almost time to say good bye
And a hard hard thing it is.
Please do not fear what is ahead,
Because only the physical is dead.

Heaven awaits you faithful friend,
When life on earth is at it’s end.
And you will be a favored guest,
Because on earth you followed your quest.

God Our Father, Jesus too,
The Holy Spirit will welcome you.
And you will experience the awaited prize,
And see the Trinity with perfect eyes.

And when you look down at us below,
Your only thoughts will be full of glow.
Because you will know and truly feel,
What it’s like at his feet to kneel.

So go my love and do not wait,
We have said let go, we know your fate.
We will be fine, as long as we know,
When we also die on your path we’ll go.


Take care and God bless,
Mary Anne

Golf tips

About 7 years ago, I stopped playing golf with my dad. I was more into running, swimming and cycling and I was not very good at golf. Plus, I hated getting golf tips from my dad when we played. I could take them from anyone but him, I don't know why that was. When Dad got diagnosed with CholangioCarcinoma some 28 months ago, I started playing rounds of golf with him when the chances came up. I even included my son, Connor in our last few outings. On our first round after learning of his cancer, I asked dad to start giving me tips again. I took as many of those as I could. I am still no good at golf, but I am richer for the rounds played with Dad.

Sunday November 16, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well Michael has gone back to Ohio so no more pictures. Yesterday was busy day. My sister Cath and Tim and family were in from Minnesota and my brother Rick and Bonnie and son were in from Arkansas. Everyone pitched in to help put up the Christmas tree for me as well as our little Dickens village which was always Joe's' project. We aren't sure it is in the right order on the table but when Joe got up for dinner he got to see it and he really like it. He is spending all his time in the hospital bed now. I don't think he will get up today at all. The elders from the church came and anointed him and gave him communion. He has been on the leadership board for the last two years with them. Karen stayed with Joe this morning while Cas and I went to church and guess what the message was on? Heaven. Is God's timing perfect or what! Joe is more sleepy today and is starting to get his words mixed up a little. This is to be expected with all the toxins in his body. He is still joking when he is awake. He had a chance to talk with Jason and Ryan, our two youngest grandchildren (7 & 9), today and told them not to be afraid of death, that it was part of living and he would see them in heaven. We were able to talk about the songs he wants at his service with him. Everything is very open which makes it a lot easier. We alternate talking about how much Joe has meant in our lives and preparations for the wedding.
The hospice nurse comes again tomorrow. Karen goes back to Phoenix tomorrow but will be back in for Thanksgiving if not sooner. We just go day to day and count on God's strength. He is always there for us. As I say almost every time but I mean it, thanks for all your prayers. I will try and update each day. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

Visiting Joe

Saturday November 15, 2008

Karen Kevin
Michael Mary Anne Joe Cassie

November 14, 2008

Dear Friends, 

How do you know what to write in a situation like this? I am overwhelmed with the love of people for Joe. Yesterday we had friends we met diving who drove up from Memphis (8 Hours) just to spend two hours with Joe and say good bye. My brother Rick and his wife Bonnie flew in from Arkansas and their son Ricky picked them up and brought them here yesterday. My sister Cathy and family are coming in today from Minnesota. Also our daughter Karen that is getting married in 5 weeks flew in from Phoenix yesterday and surprised Joe. We had a special time when just our kids and their spouses were in the room with us and we prayed together and just told Joe how good an example he set about loving everyone no matter their walk in life. He spends most of his time in the family room which has been rearranged to accommodate the lift chair which is like an automatic lazy boy. Other family members are in the living room or kitchen. We have the computer down here with us and albums so we have done a lot of remembering and lots of laughing at what we used to look like. Mary, the hospice nurse came yesterday and although she kind of talked Joe into the hospital bed, he sure looked more comfortable in it than the regular bed when she came to see him. Joe is getting jaundiced now and she said he will get more confused as the toxins build up. We see just a slight bit of that now. He still has his sense of humor and really made an effort to talk with people as they were here yesterday. My two in town sisters, Ron and Trish ,were also here yesterday with their husbands. Today I think we will put up some indoor Christmas decorations. Joe loves Christmas and always enjoyed just looking at the Christmas tree all decorated. Michael and I put up some outdoor lights Thursday but we won't turn them on til Thanksgiving.

A couple nights ago when I couldn't sleep I started getting verses in my head. This has happened to me several times in the last month and I feel like Jesus is preparing me for the road ahead. I wanted to share one of them with all of you to let you now I am going to be OK.

Set Your Eyes on Him

In the middle of the night when your mind turns to fright,
Set your eyes on Him.
In the middle of the night, when there's no one else in sight,
Set your eyes on Him.
For when He is in your midst, and you feel the love within,
Then the fear that Satan brings has vanished in thin air.
I know He is around me, I can feel his presence near.
And now that I have named it, I can sleep without the fear.
Oh Jesus, how I love you, and need you by my side.
Through the troubled days ahead, in your words I will abide.
For I know You love me also, and will not abandon me.
And when the trial is over, many blessing I will see.
So stay with me my Saviour, my comfort and my guide.
Until my darling Joseph, is standing at your side.

I now understand the "peace that passes all understanding" because even though I cry a lot, I have a wonderful peace inside.

Thank you so much for your prayers. They have been answered in more ways than you know and I feel the grace surround us each day. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

All together now.

Hi all,

This is Michael here, Joe's son. It now looks like all the kids will get together with Mom and Dad tomorrow, Friday to share a moment. Today I had each one of my children spend a minute with Grandpa. It was really special. Dad stopped and asked my youngest, Isabelle, "is this bothering you" she said "sort of". He said its alright and that everyone has to go through this and it will all be OK, it is part of living...dying. I was so touched that during a time like this he thought of her feelings and how she was doing. She told him how special he was to her and he said the same in return. As my brother Kevin and I sat and listened to Dad talk with the Hospice nurse, we could not get over how he was still such a joker. He really has handled this quite well which was his intention upon first being diagnosed. Thanks for all the support and interest in what is going on here. It is appreciated tremendously. I am posting another photo of my dad just three months ago in Canada, fishing and enjoying his grandsons and nature.

Thursday November 13, 2008

Hi Friends.
Well. hospice said today he is really declining fast which I saw in the last three days. He is very weak and can't walk to the bathroom anymore. He is becoming more short of breath with any exertion and he is running a temp. We have our son Michael and family in from Ohio now and Karen is flying in tomorrow. I have lots of support here and I got to cry with our two boys this afternoon after hospice left. My brother and sister are coming in this weekend as well as friends from Tennesee. Please pray that family gets here in time and that Joe goes peacefully. He is ready to meet his Savior. I hate to see him go but I know this is OK. Please don't send him any more emails because he doesn't check his email anymore. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 8, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well we made it home without event. Joe was really a trooper. He sat in the wheel chair in San Juan for 5 hours between flights and never complained. He hardly slept except a little on the plane but he slept really good last night. This morning he had to get up earlier that usual because hospice came early. He is all signed up now and the nurse will come either Monday or Tuesday. We still aren't sure about the draining of the fluid in his belly but we will talk to the nurse about it. It is not causing him pain or difficulty breathing but it is uncomfortable. We just got the handicap sticker for the car in the mail. That will make it easier if we go somewhere. This was a very difficult week saying good bye to everyone in Bonaire. You friends have been such a support to us, we just can't thank you enough. Although this part of the journey is difficult, there is also a peace that comes with it knowing the choices are now up to Joe and he doesn't have to go through any more procedures. Cassie and I are on our way to taste the food for the wedding this afternoon. If I am away and Joe is sleeping he probably won't answer the phone but just leave a message and I will get back to you. Take care and God bless. Mary Anne

November 2, 2008

Hi Friends,
We are still in Bonaire and Joe is enjoying himself even tho he is sleeping til noon and lays on the couch all afternoon. He still likes being here and looking at the ocean. We go out to eat every other night just to get out and he can manage to sit up for a few hours and then he is really tired. The last two mornings I went diving on a boat dive before he got up and it was nice but not the same without him along taking pictures of everything he sees. We went down to the regular Friday evening Rum Punch party last night here at the resort and many staff and friends came to say helloand wish him well. It was hard for me to watch but good for him to see how many friends he has here. We did get up and dance to Ring Ting Ting, his favorite song by Moogie but only for a few minutes. It seemed like we were in slow motion but that is what we have done every Friday in Bonaire when we are here for the last twelve years.
Joe still has no pain but is very weak. The Pastor and two friends came over this afternoon and prayed with him.
We will leave here on Friday and have a long day home. I probably won’t write again til we get home unless something changes. Internet down here means carrying the computer about two blocks and working with dial up so it is fairly frustrating.
The wedding plans seem to be going along well. Many in the family are helping. It will probably get very busy when we get home but that is OK. The lack of stress here really helps us to recharge. God blesses us each day with his grace and the sunshine doesn’t hurt either. Haven’t gotten Joe on the beach yet but that isn’t important right now. Love to you all and God bless. Thanks for all your calls. Mary Anne P.S. I wrote this last night and copied it this morning but we had a wonderful surprise. Our friends Henk and Wilma who own the unit below us left a few days before we got here. When they read the blog they decided to fly back from Holland and see Joe while we were still here., You can't imagine our surprise when they walked in this morning. God is good - all the time. Joe couldn't believe they came just to see him. That's it for now.

October 26,2008

Hi Friends,

Well, we made it. It was a long day but Joe managed just fine with the wheel chairs and lots of prayer. Ed and Jayne were a big help. Walt and lyn met us at the airport with some groceries and ehlped with our luggage. We went out to eat at one of our favorites on Friday night and had pizza but is was a huge effort for Joe to sit there. We did go to the Rum puch party at Buddy's and saw Moogie but no dancing this time. Yesterday Joe came down for breakfast about 11 and T.C. came to visit and stayed for lunch. Then Joe just laid on the couch all afternoon and evening. We ate in last night. Joe really has no appetite but is eating because he knows he should.
I went to church this morning alone. Ed and Jayne are still taking their diving course. We are asking our friends here on Boniare to visit us as we probably won't get out ,much. We are hoping to get down to the beach today for a little bit.We are at peace with how things are. Whoops, I forgot to tell you. Our daughter Karen is engaged. We have know for a few weeks this was coming becasue Mark called Joe and asked him but it is official now. She will be married on December 27th at our home. The wedding will be immediate family only and then we weill have a small reception. They will honeymoon in downtown Chicago and then head back to AZ where they both live. They will move into Mark's home. We are so excited about this and have been really busy making plans.
Pleae continue your prayers that the journey will be pain free and that we can get what we need from hospice when we get home. The ascites has come back already even tho he got drained last Wednesday. Take care and God Bless. Thanks for all your emails and notes. Mary Anne

October 22, 2008

Dear Friends,
We had a really hard day yesterday. We saw Dr. Suh and after he listened to how Joe has been for the last two weeks and examined him, he said no more chemo and he suggested hospice when we return from Bonaire. I had already thought of that but it came as a shock to Joe. Our pastor Earl and his wife Pat came over last night and we talked and cried and just tried to come to grips with the fact that the fight is almost over. I think there is some relief in knowing no more treatments and doctor visits. We have had a wonderful trip on this cancer journey and it isn't over yet but we are thankful that there has been very little pain in the process and we have been able to do so much with all the time we have had. We know this is all in God's plan and I hope we can see the time Joe has left as a real gift to spend time with loved ones and get ready to see Jesus.
We still plan on going to Bonaire tomorrow with our dear friends Ed and Jayne. The travel day will be long but we have arranged for a wheel chair at the airports and if Joe can just sleep he will be happy. Please pray for us that the trip will be free of complications and that we will use the time wisely - grateful to God for all his blessings and strength to finish this journey with peace and confidence that his timing is always perfect. Take care and God Bless you all. Mary Anne

Friday October 17, 2008

Hi Friends,
Not too much going on here. We are still waiting for Joe's strength to return to a more normal level but he is not bouncing back like we hoped. He did start walking again this week. We saw the internist yesterday and he suggested Joe get lots more protein in because that will help keep the fluid from leaking out of the blood vessels into his abdomen. We still plan on going to Bonaire next Thursday for two weeks. He will get his abdomen drained next Tuesday and then see the oncologist. He is still sleeping most of the day. The kids are coming over tonight for dinner and they will help close up the pond for the winter. Ed and Jayne helped us put away the patio furniture. The fall colors are almost at their peak and they are gorgeous. The air had gotten crisp and we know winter is coming. But we are grateful for each day we have together. Our specific prayers are that Joe will regain some strength and be able to enjoy the holidays. Please know we appreciate all you have done for us by praying and letting us know you care. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

october 7, 2008

Just a short note. Dr. Suh agreed we should stop chemo until after Bonaire to see if Joe can get stronger for the trip. He had 4.3 litres dained from his abdomen this afternoon and looks much better and has a lot less pressure on his stomach. Think of it as a little more than 2 two liter bottles. God Bless. Mary Anne

October 5, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well Joe has not had any energy since his last chemo. It seems the last two times it has zapped everything out of him not just two days after bur for the following 10-12 days. He still has not come back after the chemo on Sept. 22ND. He slept all week with just a few outings at night for about 3 hours. He is depressed about not having any energy. He got another reaction to the Xeloda so the dose was cut again. His trial with cutting down the diuretic was not good. He gained 8 pounds is one week and it all went to his ascites. He is not back on the bigger dose but it has not helped his fluid in his abdomen. We have decided to hold off on chemo awhile and see if he can regain some strength. He had to cancel a trip to Dallas with church members for tomorrow through Wednesday because it was just too much effort for him. We still have Bonaire on the calendar for the end of the month but we will see. He has pretty much given up on diving again but he wants to go even if he can just sit and watch the ocean.
Our prayer requests are for increased strength and a lifting of the depression. The walking only lasted one week and then he got the burning feet from the Xeloda and now I'm not sure he is up to it. Thanks for all your support and prayers. The grace of God is what sustains us on this journey. We both read our scripture each day and find words that help. It has now been 26 months since diagnosis - a long journey but we have learned a lot and leaned on each other. Take care and God Bless Mary Anne

September 22, 2008

Hi Friends,
Joe got chemo today and although his white count was down his Hgb. was 10.4 and his platelets were OK. Dr. still considers him stable. Our time in Phoenix was not great as Joe was pretty much exhausted and depressed the whole time but last week was a much better week. We seem to have to get used to a roller coaster life, celebrating the good days and praying for grace to get through the hard ones. Dr. did switch his antidepressant so maybe that will help. He has lost 10 pounds since last visit and it looks like it is the edema in his feet and the ascites that has gone down so he is decreasing the diuretic a little. He felt really good today. Tomorrow he has his last golf outing with the mens group. He has missed a lot this summer but will play the scramble tomorrow and then go the final luncheon for the year. This past weekend we spent with friends who came in from out of town from Mass. and North Carolina. We have been friends for more than 30 years and it was great to see them again. We had a lot of laughs and enjoyed remembering great times we had together.
I forgot to mention Joe started walking last week again after no exercise for quite awhile. He wants to be strong enought to dive again in late October if possible. Our specific prayer requests are that the diuretic would work during the day so he can sleep and that he can regain some strength. Thanks so much for being on this journey with us. God Bless. Mary Anne

September 4, 2008

Hi Friends,
Joe is getting chemo right now but we met with the doctor and saw the cat scan ourselves and it truly does show no progression of the disease. His liver enzymes are coming down also, and his CA 19-9 which was up as high as 200 is now down to 42 (normal is 37) so labwise it looks really good. He has been having some days where he just has no energy and sleeps all day and then the next day he feels pretty normal - no queasy stomach. Who knows! Tomorrow we leave for Phoenix and spend a week with Karen. She will have the week off as she is changing jobs this month. We will also stop out and see our friends the Sullivans on Saturday. We thought we lost the pump to our pond this week and we lost the frig in the basement last Saturday - now we discovered it is the whole circuit that is out so hopefully that will get fixed this afternoon. I am at Cassie's right now to drop off the dog for the week and guess what - I locked the keys in my car for the third time in 4 months. Well our son locked them in the first time, the second time I had had a new key made but it didn't work and now I am 45 mintues from home where the spare key is sitting. Joe will drive up here after the electrician fixes our problem and then we have a small group dinner kick off for all the small groups in our church tonight. Busy day before we leave tomrrow and I just made it even worse. Do you have trouble forgiving yourself for stupid things? I'm glad God doesn't have trouble forgiving us. I should take a lesson from that I guess. Anyway have a great day - we are, in spite of the problems. God Bless. Mary Anne

Tuesday August 26, 2008

Hi Family and Friends,
Good news. Praise God for our answered prayers. Dr. Suh called tonight with the results of the cat scan and it show no progression of the disease. No new areas and no growth. We are thrilled because we thought with the ascites increasing, that the tumors were growing. We will bask in this news for awhile. We have our 44th wedding anniversary this Friday and are happy to be able to celebrate it together. Our son Michael comes to Chicago tomorrow and will take the res sportscar back tohis wife Heidi on Friday. Joe had a lot of fun with it but it ready to give it back. Thanks so much Heidi for fulfilling a dream of his. No more chemo until the 4th so hope all will be quiet on this front until then. Love to you all and God bless you. prayers work. With God, nothing is impossible. Mary Anne

August 20, 2008

Hi Friends,
Well, the fishing trip was a success. No health problems and a good time was had by all. The weather was perfect, the fishing was fair. In the first fifteen minutes of fishing Joe caught a large 8 1/2 pound bass. He said if he didn't catch another fish all trip he would be happy. They did manage to have a fish dinner one night and everyone loved it. Joe cooked breakfast every morning while Michael took the boys fishing. The cabin is rustic and the mice thought they owned it but after killing 12 of them they had a little more peace. They were glad they had mosquito nets to sleep under. They came home happy, tired and grubby. Saturday morning Joe shaved his beard off and that was a good thing. I guess telling him he looked like my Dad with it helped him make the decision not to keep it. We are home now and although he still doesn't have his queasy stomach back his ascites is really bad. He has doubles the diuretic but it hasn't done the trick. he goes to Dr. Suh tomorrow for chemo so we will see what he says about it. Thanks for all your prayers that the trip was uneventful. Even tho they didn't need the satellite phone Michael used it to tell us they were OK several times. The girls and Heidi and I had a good time in Ohio just relaxing reading and some shopping. It was the most time we have spend with Marianne and Matthew, our two oldest grandchildren,in a very long time, and it was terrific. Marianne leaves for her first year of college tomorrow. We will be home for several weeks and then out to Phoenix to visit Karen again after Labor Day. Love to you all and God Bless. Mary Anne

August 7,2008

Hi Friends,
We have had a good almost two weeks since I blogged last. Joe has had no queasiness for the past week and more energy. He had chemo yesterday but a smaller dose because his platelets were low. His ascites has returned so Dr. suh put him on Lasix instead of the mile diuretic so it will act fast but not keep him going all night and disrupt his sleep. His feel and ankle swelling has come down nicely.
Tomorrow we leave for Ohio with two grandchildren Marianne and Matthew and we go to Michael and Heidi's house for the weekend. Sunday Joe Mike Matthew and Connor head to Canada to fish from Monday til Friday. It is in Perry Sound on a remote lake with only one cabin. They will fly in in a small plane and hopefully just relax and fish to their hearts content. The lake has Northern and bass. They will take a satellite phone with them just in case but things seem pretty stable right now. We will be back home on Saturday the 16th, in time to sing in church on Sunday. Please pray for now health problems during this trip. It will be the first fishing trip with the two grandsons age 15 and 11. The summer is quickly going by but we have filled it with lots of good times and memories and lots of laughter. Joe's perennial garden has flourished and the rabbits seem to have left it for greener pastures. Today is our oldest daughter Cassie's birthday and tomorrow is Kevin's so we are going to Cassie's tonight to celebrate. Joe has been growing his beard for the last week and a half for this trip and he looks a little grubby in my eyes but he thinks he looks tough. All in the eye of the beholder I guess. Love to all of you and God Bless. Mary Anne

July 26,2008 Happy 2 year anniversary

Hi Friends,
Well here we are two years later and Joe still has quality of life and we have had a really good two years. We have traveled, spent time with family and friends, sang and worshipped in our church in in Carillon, participated in two small groups each ( we are in a small group as a couple and then we each are in one for just women or men as the case may be). All these things plus your abundant prayers have sustained us on this journey and we feel strengthened to keep on going. Last weekend Joe and I were both down but then we sang in church on Sunday and that helped a lot. Monday, Joe called the doctor about his ascites and swelling in his feet and he had an ultrsound on Wednesday. Following that, they did a paracentesis (put a needle in his abdomen) and drained out two liters of fluid. They couldn't get it all but is was a big improvement. Then Thursday, he saw Dr. Schubert, his internist, and he put him on a mild diuretic for the swelling in his feet and it should also help with the ascites. He had chemo Thursday afternoon so he has had a busy week with doctors. Next week he will be off and he loves that. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous this week and we hve spent a lot of time just sitting on the deck talking and watching the golfer and the birds. The verse "Be still and know that I am God " comes to mind often when we are out there.
tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate, The fishing trip is planned for two weeks from now and it looks like it is a go. Again, thanks for all your support. We didn't know this journey would be this long but we are so grateful to God for the time he has given us. God Bless Mary Anne

july 17,2008

Hi Friends,
Well things continue to move along. Joe played 18 holes of golf Tuesday and although he didn't score well he was happy to be out there. We also played 9 holes yesterday in the couples league. His bilirubin went back down to normal last week when he had his chemo so the onc thought it was elevated due to his urinary tract infection. He still has the fluid in his abdomen (ascites) and now has developed swollen feet and ankles. From what I read on the cc website the two chemo products he is on are working well for some of the patients. As long as it keeps the tumors from growing we will be happy. Joe continues to have his queasy stomach but not everyday and no pain so that is a blessing. He doesn't have much stamina and some days he does nothing but sleep. This jouney gets tedious at times but then someone calls or we get a card or spend time with friends, our spirits are lifted. Tonight we played bridge with Denny and Joanne for the first time in about 10 years and it was amazing how much Joe remembered and we actually did well. It was a change from hand and foot which we still love. We can't talk as much in bridge but it was a nice evening. We brought Lucky with us and he visited their dog Piper. They didn't play but they didn't fight either so that was good.
We sing together on the worship team this Sunday at church and that is always a good time. Our kids are busy going on vacations in the next week but we will squeeze in a BBQ on Saturday before some of them leave. Hope you are all enjoying the beautiful summer weather and the time to be with your families. Take care and God Bless. Mary Anne

July 9, 2008

Hi Friends,
We just got back from a ten day trip to Ohio and New Jersey. We spent the first few days in Ohio with our son Michael, Heidi and the kids. Got to watch them in a swim meet and it was great fun. We left our dog Lucky there and traveled to the Jersey shore to see our diving friends, Bob and Diane, and we had a great four days there. Well, 4th of July was a little exciting. Joe spliked a temp of 102.8 so we called the onc. on call and she had us go to the ER in case Joe was septic again. As it turns out, he has a urinary tract infection so got IV antibiotic in the Er and sent home with oral meds. Diane stayed with us through the whole thing which took about 4 hours ( not bad for a holiday in the ER) while Bob was at home cooking our meal which we never ate. Bob is a gourmet cook and he made lunches, appetizers and meals the whole time we were there with luscious desserts while we lounged around and sat on the deck and watched the ocean. We played cards,(hand and foot) afternoon and evening and we ended up guys 5 wins, girls 4 (at least in my recollection) That is better than we did in Bonaire by a long shot so we were happy. It was very relaxing and Joe is feeling much stronger but the antibiotics are messing with his stomach. He will get chemo tomorrow is all goes well. His bilirubin is climbing a little to 3.3 so we have to watch and see if the stent is working well. We had uneventful drives all the way along except everytime I took the wheel we had torrential downpours. Of course Joe couldn't sleep with me driving in that kind of weather but we had good times and good talks. God has been so good to us to give us all this time and we sure appreciate all of it. It appears this jouney is going to have crises along the way and we just have to go with the flow and take one day at a time. We are now almost two years into the diagnosis (July 26th) and he probably had it at least a year before that. He is still planning on a short fishing trip to Canada with our son, Michael and two grandsons in August. But for now we are home for a month enjoying the flowers and the nice weather and family and friends. God bless you all. Mary Anne

June 26th, 2008

Hi Friends,
We got what we think is great news today about the cat scan. The report showed no change in the lungs, liver and spleen from three months ago. They didn't shrink but they didn't grow and if that would stay that way we would be thrilled. Joe has only had 4 Gemzar IV treatments and four cycles of Xeloda so it is early for us to see much results from that. Joe's body still doesn't like the Gemza and it plays havoc with his blood counts. His platelets were back down to 41,000 today but he got half a dose of Gemzar. We are going to aim for every two weeks and see if that works. He was able to play 18 holes of golf this week for the first time (he has only played 9 up til now) and he wans't exhausted when he was done.
We leave Saturday for a 10 day trip to Ohio to watch our grandchildren swim in a meet and visit with Mike and Heidi and then on to Barnegut Light N.J. to visit our dive friends Bob and Diane for the July 4th weekend. We will leave Lucky in Ohio with Mike's family. That should be fun. They have a great dane, a bichon and two cats. Lucky won't be bored, that's for sure. We will stop and pick him up on our way back home- at least that is what we told them! Just kidding. We are so thankful to God for all this blessed time we have together with family and friends. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. We love you all and pray for you too. God Bless Mary Anne

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

Hi Friends.
Joe was able to have his IV chemo on Monday as his counts were all back up. We thought so because he was much stronger the last week. We slipped away to Michigan for three days and played golf and some cards and just relaxed. It was great. Joe had a cat scan yesterday to see what is happening inside and we will get the results next Thursday when we see the oncologist again. The weather here is beautiful in the 70's and sunny so we are enjoying the deck and Joe is enjoying the convertible every chance he gets. I took a bike ride with the Carillon bike club Tuesday and it was so nice to get out in nature. We rode along the I & M Canal in Channahon and saw lots of wildlifeand I met some new friends.
Lucky, our maltese, backslid a little in his barking when we got back to class but one minute with the trainer and I saw I wasn't being firm enough. He did fine the rest of the class. He is such a cutie, he brings a lot of joy to our household.
Our prayer requests this week is for good results from the cat scan showing that the chemo is working. Joe has no visible side effects except he is exhausted two days after the IV chemo. It does play havoc with his blood counts but they do come back up so that is a good thing. He has been on the oral Xeloda 4 different weeks now. God bless you all and enjoy this nice weather. Mary Anne

June 9, 2008

Hi Friends,
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Everything is fine. It seems when things are not good I get around to it easier asking for prayers. Joe was due to get chemo last Friday but his platelets were only 44,000 so no go. He will try again a week from today. The gemcitibine really knocks the heck out of his bone marrow. His hemoglobin hangs around 9+ so he gets procrit each week. I think I wrote that he had the catheter replaced with a stent and he had a slight fever the following weekend after that, so was put on antibiotics but no fever now. He did play nine holes of golf last week and that went fine. We also took a short bike ride but it all seeemed uphill to Joe. I am back to my swimming after a two week break and it feels good to be back in the water. Joe's garden is planted and so far the rabbits are leaving it alone. We just love sitting on the deck and watching the golfers and the birds and just relaxing. Hope you are all enjoying the summer that has finally come. Joe probably won't have a scan until next month to see how things are working. Our Maltese ,Lucky, stated obedience class last week and he barked through the whole first session. I was afraid we were going to get kicked out of class but he did much better today with the help of a squirt bottle from one of the assistants. It was just water but it stopped him from barking right away. Hopefully I can take him on walks now without him trying to terrrorize the dogs he passes. Anyhow, enjoy you day and God Bless . Mary Anne